


The truth about us

by LiveLaughWrite



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Trauma, Drug Abuse, Multi, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:44:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7921030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLaughWrite/pseuds/LiveLaughWrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tom's mother gets breastcancer and dies, she leaves him a note telling him he has a twin brother somewhere. Shocked, angry, but curious at the same time, Tom reaches out to a private investigator called Heather Young. Heather decides to take the case and soon discovers parts of Bill's horrible past and discovers the present isn't much better. Will she and Tom still be able to save Bill and will Bill and Tom ever get over the way they met for the first time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bill

‘Bill, you really need to get out of bed right now, or Mike will kick your ass out of the business. Is that what you want?’, I wake up to a really angry voice that I immediately recognize. It’s Bethany, a coworker and a really good friend of mine.

‘Shut up Beth, he won’t, you know that. I bring in too much.’, I answer with a sleepy voice

‘You and your attitude, get the fuck out of that bed, please!’, Bethany sighs.

I sigh too and moan as I sit up. Yesterday night I had about three clients who all had me for an hour and all just wanted to have sex for one whole hour. It brings in a lot of money, that’s the good part. The bad part is, I’m sore as shit right now and the timing isn’t perfect.

I know exactly why Bethany is so worked up, we kind of have an important night tonight as well. We sometimes do business parties. And let me tell you, those nights are exactly like you would expect them to be. A room full of sweaty guys in a suit who all have a wife at home, but they all want to fuck us. Especially me, another guy. Now this is where the real money comes in.

‘Is that what you are going to wear? Isn’t that a little cheap for a night like this? They all got a lot of money, Beth. Trust me, you really want them to fuck you.’, I say as I let my eyes go over her body. She’s dressed in a leather hot pants with a low cut tank top, but not low cut enough.

‘The last few weeks haven’t been too good to me, okay? You know I don’t have money for new clothes. I didn’t know what else to wear.’, she sends me a sad face.

‘Can’t you walk over to Jessica? If you tell her you’ll be joining us tonight, I’m sure you can borrow something from her. Especially when you haven’t had a lot of clients these last few weeks, you need tonight to be successful and that won’t happen in those clothes. Trust me on that honey.’

Another fun part about my job is me and my friends living together in one building, which is payed for by our boss Mike. And in this case, it comes in pretty handy, because when you need something for the night, there’s always someone who has it for you. From clothes, to condoms, to drugs.

‘Yeah, you’re right. I’ll walk over to Jessica. Will you get ready, so we can get a cab in an hour? They said they would get some coke for us there, so you don’t have to bring your own this time.’, Bethany says.

‘Sweet! I’ll get ready. Meet you out front in an hour.’

Bethany nods and leaves my little apartment, closing the door behind her.

Before getting up from my bed, I stretch my muscles one more time and check my phone to see if I missed anything. If maybe Mike tried to get me another client while I was sleeping. But unfortunately for him, I decided to just sleep today. As I said I already had a busy night last night and the upcoming couple of hours, will be crowded too. There is a limit, you know?

As I unlock my phone, I indeed see three missed calls from Mike and one massage. I go to my massages and read what he has to say:

_‘Bill, why won’t you answer your phone? Steve called. He wanted to book you for two hours. When I told him you probably wouldn’t want to, because last night was kind of crowded, he told me he wanted to pay double. You got about 30 minutes to respond. You know Steve brings in some good money, and he always gets you something. Respond!’_

Oh shit, no, I missed Steve! Steve is one of my favorite clients. Not only because he pays so well and is always willing to pay more then I ask, because he likes fucking me so much. And also not only because he indeed always “gets me something”, meaning getting me some realy good coke. Also because I like it too when he fucks me. He’s such a good guy and it may sound strange, but I realy have some good times with him.

_‘Shit, Mike, tell him I’m so sorry! I was sleeping because of last night and because I wanted to be at my best for tonight. Tell him to get his two hours on Friday and that I’ll give him one extra hour for free, to make up for this.’_

Sooner than I thought, my phone starts to vibrate again.

_‘Friday?! Are you fucking kidding me? He’ll have you tomorrow, his place at seven. You better be there and look fucking nice. You understand me? You weak piece of shit.’_

‘Fuck.’, I whisper to my phone. I can’t meet Steve tomorrow night, I already told Bethany I would join her to work a night outside. Outside meaning, a stripclub. She won’t be happy if I let her down, make that pissed as fuck. But on the other hand, she has to understand that this is bigger money right? She knows there’s just no telling Mike no when he’s like this.

‘ _Fine._ ’, I text back to Mike. It’s pretty simple, when he isn’t nice to me, I’m not going to be nice to him either.

I throw my phone back on the bed and finally decide to get up. As I take a quick look around I once again conclude my room is a huge mess. But I’m not even here most of the time, so I don’t bother to clean it all up.

It’s all going to get better when I’m going to do laundry next week, since 75 percent of the shit that’s wondering around on my floor are clothes.

I walk over to my closet and pull a clean towel and a clean pair of boxers out of it. I own some sexy underwear too, but I don’t realy need them with the outfit I am planning on. It’s going to be real tight leather jeans, which will show of my business down there real good. And on top of that I’ll be wearing a see through blouse, which will show the piercings in my nipples and the tattoos on my belly.

When I get to the bathroom, the first thing I do is get a little bag with little white pills in it out of my make-up bag. I take two of them out and throw them in my mouth. Without a zip of water I swallow them. These little friends of mine are going to make me forget about the pain in my body and they won’t let my sore ass get in the way tonight.

After I’ve put the pills back into my make-up bag safely, hidden underneath all sorts of make-up, I get into the shower. The hot water helps to relax my muscles too, so as soon as I get out of the shower, I feel as good as new.

While singing to myself a little, I start to dry my hair with the towel wrapped around my hips. After that’s done and I have covered myself in some crème to keep my skin beautiful, I start to dress myself in the outfit I planned.

When I walk back to the mirror, I start to do my hair and make-up. After I finished that, I look at myself in the mirror and can’t help but grin. No wonder everyone wants me, I’m sexy as shit. To tell you a little secret, I’m not always this confident. But these little white friends I just talked about, are helping with that too. And when I take my first line of coke in about an hour, things will get even better. I love my job!

I throw at least three more looks at myself in the mirror, before I leave the bathroom again. You have to be sure, right? Back in my bedroom I grab my purse and sit down on my bed. Carefully I start to check if everything I need is still in there. A shitload of condoms, a small stock of XTC and speed. I don’t use those myself, but sometimes I give some to clients, to enjoy the experience even more.

Last but not least I check if my coke and needed supplies to take it, are still there. I sigh in relief when I see they are. It wouldn’t be the first time someone would steal it from me. That’s why I hide my white friends so well, that is some expensive shit.

I jump up a little when my phone starts to vibrate. I grab it from my bed and first check who’s calling me, it’s Bethany.

‘Hi babe, did you score nice clothes?’, I start as I pick up.

‘I did, but we’re not talking about that right now, where the hell are you?’, again she sounds frustrated.

‘Getting ready, why?’, I ask.

‘It’s 8.15, Bill, I’ve been waiting for you for over 10 minutes now. We should go!’

‘You’re kidding. Really?!’

‘Yeah, really, so get your ass down here. Our cab isn’t waiting forever.’

‘Okay, alright. I’ll be down in a second.’, I promise Bethany and hang up the phone.

As fast as I can I get into some shoes, grab my bag and my phone and run downstairs. When I get outside, two pissed of faces are starting at me. One of them is our cabdriver, the other one is Bethany.

‘I’m here okay? Stop staring at me like that.’, I tell them both and without waiting for an answer, I get into the cab.

Bethany jumps in next to me and the cabdriver gets in the car too. I throw a glance at the meter and it’s already up to ten bucks. Fuck…

When I look over to Bethany I can still see her wearing the same clothes she did when she was in my apartment. I thought she said she would go and get something else, and I thought she just told me she did.

‘Didn’t you just tell me you borrowed something from Jessica?’, I ask.

‘I did, I borrowed some naughty underwear from her. She advised me to just take my clothes of when we get there. According to her, they would like that too. So that’s my game plan for tonight.’, she answers.

‘Can’t believe I didn’t think of that, show me what she gave you.’

Bethany looks around first and then turns to me, to make sure the cabdriver doesn’t see her. Then she pulls down her tank top and a bright pink bra is exposed to me. It perfectly highlights her sexy boobs and the fabric it so thin, you can see her nipples through it. Most guys out there are going to go wild when they see this.

‘Is the underwear made of the same fabric?’, I ask.

‘Yup, you can see everything. Do you now get why I didn’t go outside like that?’, she asks back.

‘I do, and by the way, what Jessica said is brilliant. They will like the fact that you’ll be taking your clothes of and they’ll definitely like what they are going to see.’

‘I realy hope so.’

‘Hey, come on. Don’t lose hope after a few weeks. Your gorgeous and you should know by now that me and the others, won’t let you down. We’ll figure something out. We want you with us, we love you way too much to let you go. You know that right?’, I gently stroke her hair.

‘I know that.’, she smiles, ‘But I just want to be able to take care of myself you know?’

‘I know and I get that, but sometimes you can’t and sometimes you just have to let others take care of you, until you can do it yourself again. You’ll be fine okay? Trust me.’

‘I trust you.’

I smile back at Bethany and pull my girl into a hug. Business like this can me pretty hard sometimes and then you really need people who have your back. I just need Bethany to know she has got hers covered. Not only by me, but by all the others too. In that building, everyone is family and family looks out for each other.

After a thirty minute cab drive, we arrive at a huge office building. It’s about thirty floors tall and some law firm called “Trumper’s Lawyers” is situated in it. Nice, lawyers. 

When Bethany and I get out of the cab, we see Jessica an Liam walking towards us. Liam and I are the only boy toys working for Mike right now. We don’t really care, more money for us. Jessica is in the business the longest and she’s always there for advice. I love her so much.

‘Where the hell have you guys been? You know you shouldn’t leave guys like this waiting.’, Jessica says.

‘Bill lost track of time again, so we almost lost our cab. Then traffic was hell, you know the city around this time of night.’, Bethany answers.

‘That’s why I’ve told you two over a million times to take the subway to occasions like this.’, Jessica continues.

‘You know what? We should go inside, discussing this is only going to make us more late.’, I jump in. I see Liam nod next to me. The girls nod too and we start to walk towards the entrance, where two security guards await us.

‘Who are you guys?’, one of them asks, with such a low voice it’s almost scary.

‘We were told to come and bring some entertainment to the party.’, I wink at the guard.

‘You guys are the strippers?’, the guard checks the clipboard he holds in his hand.

‘You could call us that, yeah.’, I struggle to hold in a chuckle.

‘Alright then, come in. Take the elevator to the top floor. Tell the guard there who you guys are again and he will show you where you can dump your stuff and where you’ll be working tonight.’

The guard takes a step back and lets us pass him. When we walk into the building, it gets more and more confirmed to me, that this will be a good night. If things are working out the way I think they will, I will get Bethany some new clothes.

When we arrive at the top floor we indeed have to explain again who we are and what we’re doing here. After that, like the guard downstairs already told us, the other guard shows us a room to leave our stuff and have a private spot to take a sniff of coke once in a while. And we all get our own room to bring clients to when needed. The rooms are only accessible with a keycard, which we get handed over too.

‘I can get used to this.’, I tell the others as we meet in our little conference room.

‘Me too, who wants some?’, Liam is already sitting on the table, cutting some coke in lines.

I walk over to him and he hands me the straw. I lean over to the table and immediately bless myself with two lines. The others follow my lead and after that we take the elevator to the roof, which we’re told the party is at.

‘If you get the girls or the guys who brought dates or the CEO, it’s bonus points and a hundred bucks from me on top of what you already made!’, Jessica says to us before she disappears into the crowd. Liam, Bethany and I are each going our own way too. If you stick together as a group, only the hottest one will get all the attention.

A grin appears on my face when just after a few minutes, I see Bethany crawl up on a table full of guys. The low cut tank top is already giving away some of what she’s wearing underneath her top. All eyes are on her and I can see her enjoying that.

Not far from where Bethany just jumped on a table, I can see Liam has already hooked himself to someone too. He’s a little easier than me, thinks it’s okay to kiss your clients first before you take them with you. To me that’s just dumb, kissing is money too you know?

I try to see how Jessica is doing, but she just disappeared out of my sight as soon as she took off. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s underneath some table right now, sucking some guy of. Also something I would never do, but hey, everyone has got their on tricks, right? That’s another fun thing about working for Mike. He can be a real jerk sometimes, but at least he’s not going to tell you how you should earn your money. You’re free to set your own rules.

My secret trick? I don’t realy have one. I normally just wait for people to come to me. Of course I always try to look nice and sometimes playfully grin at people who are staring at me, to invite them to just take the step. But that’s basicly all. My friends keep telling me my looks are making that possible for me.

Suddenly I start noticing a lot of people around me are eating or walk past me with plates of food. That’s the point where my stomach decides it would like some food too.

‘I’m sorry, can I ask you something?’, I ask some random women who is about to walk past me.

‘Sure.’, she stops an looks at me.

‘Where can I get something to eat?’

‘Over at the bar back there.’, she points behind me, ‘There are all sorts of stuff, you can also just ask them to make you something.’

‘O, great. Thank you so much!’, I smile at her and she turns around again to walk back into the crowd in front of me.

Just when I got myself something to drink and eat at the bar, some fat guy appears next to me.

‘You’re one of them aren’t you?’, he asks and makes a head motion towards Bethany, who just had one of the guys take of her tank top.

‘Why would you say that?’, I turn around to face him, an amused expression on my face.

‘Well, first of all I haven’t seen you here before and second, you dress like them.’

‘Okay, you got me.’, I admit and place myself a little closer to him, ‘Can I… help you?’

‘How much is a blowjob?’

‘Well normally it’s 175, but for you I’ll make it 150. Kissing and touching me will add 50 to the prize.’

To tease him, I let my hand slide down his arm. Meanwhile I am lying my butt off. A blowjob normally is 75 bucks. But standing so close to this guy, I can tell he stinks and he sweats insanely. I bet things down there won’t be very delightful either. So by giving him these high prizes, I hope he’s going to say no. If not, my sacrifice will at least get me some extra money.

‘That’s fine.’, he says and inside I cry a little. Outside I smile at him.

‘Great. You want to go downstairs now? Or can I finish my little dinner first?’, I ask.

‘No, eat first. We wouldn’t want you to faint in the middle of it all.’

Okay, gross but sweet. That makes things at least a little bit better. Next to that, I will have another line of coke too, when I get my keycard and a condom from my bag. The condom is just in case. Sometimes it happens guys decide last minute they want more then what they ordered. At least when that happens, I’m prepared.

‘So, you’re a lawyer, hm?’, I ask, trying to make some small talk.

‘No, I wish I was. I’m just one of the administration workers. You know, making appointments, calling people when they don’t pay. Make sure all bills are send on time. That kind of stuff.’, he answers.

Actualy I don’t know, not even a moment in my life I had a “normal” job. My crappy foster parents didn’t even bother to let me finish school, because they were so busy putting their own lives in danger by dealing drugs. And then there’s me, basicly working as a man whore. Aren’t we a sweet well organized little family?

‘Maybe Mr. Trumper will one day promote me, see my potential and pay for law school. But that doesn’t happen all that often.’, he continues.

‘Mr. Trumper is your CEO?’, I realize this is a dumb question, given the name of the company. But hey, you never know right?

‘He is.’, the man confirms.

‘Is he here?’

‘Yeah, he’s right over there actualy. Black suit, about your height and his hair tight in a bun. Do you see him?’, the man next to me points in the right direction.

I follow his finger and indeed spot Mr. Trumper. Or rather, Mr. handsome as fuck! I would kill for him to be the one to rip my pants of my ass tonight. He would be one of the few guys with who I wouldn’t have to fake an orgasm.

A little side information, in case you hadn’t noticed. Yeah, I’m gay. I do girls and women when they come to me, but luckily for me that hardly ever happens. Whether you like it or not, visiting prostitutes is just more a man thing.

‘I don’t mean to disappoint you, but he hardly ever uses your kind of services on nights like this. When he does, they’re always girls. So if anyone of you gets lucky tonight, it will be one of your lady friends.’, the man next to me says when he must have caught me staring.

‘O, but I can be very persuasive.’, I wink at him.

‘I bet you can, if you get people to let you do a blowjob for 175.’, he winks back, ‘So, you’re done already?’

‘I am, one last zip.’, I tell him and finish my drink, then I grab his wrist and take him with me towards the elevator.

‘So what was it again? 50 for kissing and touching combined or 50 each?’, he asks as we walk out of the elevator on the top floor.

‘Each.’, I answer. Another lie so hopefully he won’t stick his tongue in my mouth too. One body part of his in my mouth is enough for today.

‘Okay, well, we’ll drop that then.’, he decides.

_Thank freaking heavens!_

‘I just need to get my bag out of this room, it has my keycard in it. Then I’ll get back to you alright?’, I start as we’re standing before the conference room assigned to us.

‘Sure.’, is all he says.

I walk into the room and thank god nobody is in here. They would laugh their asses of if they would have seen me with this guy as my first client for tonight. According to them, when you start your night like this, it will all go downhill. Luckily that isn’t always true. Sadly it sometimes is. Let’s hope tonight it won’t be true.

I cut myself another line of coke and quickly snort it into my system. Because I did it so quickly, it makes me dizzy for a few seconds. I close my eyes until it fades and then get to action right away. I grab my bag and leave the room again.

When we stand in front of my private room for tonight, I take my keycard out of my bag and open the door. I close it again when we both walked in.

‘So, have you done this before? Is there a position you prefer?’, I ask, ‘Do you like it if I take something off?’

‘I want you on your knees and I want you to take your shirt of.’, he demands.

‘And I have a little question for you.’

‘Yes?’, I ask as I start to take my blouse of. Slowly of course.

‘Is your tongue pierced too?’, he asks.

‘Yes.’, I stick my tongue out to him briefly to show him.

An almost creepy grin appears on his face as he murmurs: ‘I was hoping it would be.’

I force myself to grin back and finally take of my blouse entirely. I drop it on the floor and again very slowly, walk over to the man standing in front of me. When I’m just a few centimeters away from him, I get down on my knees. With my hands I start to unbutton his pants. Normally I would tease a little, but right now I realy want to get it over with as fast as I can, so I pull both his boxers and pants of his ass at once.

‘Just close your eyes and think about that hot CEO guy, Bill, then it’ll be over in a second.’, I think to myself as I take the guy’s erection in my mouth.  


	2. Tom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little side warning here, guys. In this chapter there will be twincest, but because it will be the only time happening and because Bill and Tom don't know they're brothers at this point, I didn't add it to the tags!

So here I am, on a party I organized myself for my employees, but I couldn’t be any less interested in the event. Not only has it been a real busy week with lots of cases for me to solve and put the right guy on, also I just heard my mother might have cancer.

She called me in tears just a few hours earlier and said that they found some kind of strange looking spot in her right breast. Given the fact that breast cancer runs in my mother’s family, she has every right to be freaked out, even though further tests haven’t been done yet, so nothing is for sure.

Normally I’m the down to earth kind of guy and I don’t worry about things like this until they’re a sure thing, but now it’s different. I somehow just can’t get it out of my mind. My mom is just my everything. It’s been the two of us for as long as I can remember and all I know about my dad is that the sucker ran out 6 months after I was born. Long story short, I just can’t, I just don’t want to imagine my life without my mom.

So why am I at this party, you might ask? I’m also a huge control freak. This is my building, my company, my employees. I don’t want all of this happening without me being there. If I would be home, I would be stalking my vice by calling him every five minutes and I just don’t want to do that to him.

I decide to get myself another drink, a strong one this time. It might help me to relax a bit. If it doesn’t I could always consider to do some coke.

It’s not like I’m some kind of addict, in fact I almost never use it myself, but on nights like this when there’s alcohol and music, I sometimes like it. Some of my otherwise perfectly healthy and organized employees, do enjoy some too. That’s the reason why I brought some in for tonight.

The coke isn’t the only thing I brought in tonight, I also brought in some “toys”. Two girls and two boys, so everyone can have just what they like. I have to say they’re pretty good at being undercover, since the only one of them I’ve seen is the girl dancing on the table. So it’s either that, or the others are just insanly good at scoring within no time.

‘This is one hell of a good party, boss.’, I almost jump when suddenly Rick, one of my administrative employees is standing next to me.

‘We’re not working now, Rick. You can just call me Tom.’, I correct him.

‘Right, yeah, I’m sorry.’, he apologizes.

Inside I’m laughing a little right now. I know how much Rick is looking up to me and how much he tries sucking himself up to me, because he would like me to pay for his law school. He thinks I don’t know that, he’s wrong, I do know. I also know it’s never going to happen. Why not? Because he will simply fail.

He just doesn’t understand what responsibilities are coming with this job, how much pressure it puts on you. He only sees the plus sides, the money, the suit, the name. I don’t mean to brag, but you kind of have a killer résumé when my company is on it. You’ve known the job the best when you worked for me.

‘Don’t worry about it, I’m glad you’re having a good time.’, I smile at him.

‘I also wanted to say you did good on the entertainment part tonight. You picked out some nice ones.’, he continues.

‘To tell you a little secret, I didn’t pick out anyone. I just called some guy who runs that kind of business and asked him to send me the best he had. I take it he did?’

‘Well, I’ve only seen two of them, but yeah, I’m sure he did.’

‘I think that girl on the table is number one, but who is number two?’, I ask.

‘There’s also a guy, I just used his services, but I don’t know where he is right now. He was behind me when I walked back in here. Anyway, let me tell you, he knows what he’s doing.’, Rick leans in a little closer to me, ‘He has all kinds of piercings, one of which is in his tongue. Trust me, that thing is driving you crazy. So if you were considering to have a little “fun” tonight, I’d say you should take him.’ 

‘Thanks for telling me, I’ll keep it in mind.’, I tell him and then cut off the conversation by walking away from him.

I walk back in the direction of the bar to find myself a nice and relatively quiet spot to sit down, and then I see him. The guy Rick just told me about and I can immediately tell he wasn’t exaggerating, this guy definitely knows how to present himself. How to make it pretty clear what he’s here for. I’m not gay at all, but somehow he drags my attention. So I decide to walk over to him.

‘Hey, are you okay?’, I ask as soon as I reached him. I just saw him down a glass of champagne like it was a glass of water.

‘Yeah, of course.’, immediately he has his game face back on and smiles at me.

‘Don’t lie to me, you look like you’re going to throw up any second.’, I continue.

‘I might.’, he admits.

‘Did someone force you into something you didn’t want or did someone hurt you? In that case you should realy tell me, because then I need to kick their ass.’

‘No, not at all. It’s just in this job you don’t always get the hot ones. I just gave that guy over there a blowjob.’, he points to Rick and then looks at me with a sad face, as he continues in a whiny tone of voice: ‘And I only had one drink.’

‘O shit, you poor thing.’, I realy feel for him, ‘Is there something I can get you? Something with a lot of lemon? I hear that neutralizes your taste buns.’

‘I could realy use that.’, he smiles at me again, this time in a thankful kind of way, not a “get money out of my pocket as soon as possible” kind of way.

‘Fresh lemonade?’, I suggest. It’s not alcohol, but at least it’s a lot of lemon.

He nods at me and I walk over to the bar to get two glasses. I’ve always been a great fan of fresh lemonade, ever since I was a little boy, that never went away. So I might as well get myself a glass too while I’m at it.

‘Here you go.’, I hand the poor guy a glass as soon as I got back at him.

‘Thank you so, so much!’, he takes a zip and finally the disgusted look on his face makes place for pleasure, ‘Holy shit, this is so good.’

‘So, what’s your name?’, I ask.

‘Bill.’, he answers fast, so fast I kind of doubt if that’s his real name. Though he doesn’t seem to be lying. I as a lawyer am trained to recognize that.

‘Bill? Realy? Not some kind of fluffy artist name?’, I grin.

‘No, please no. I’m not so needy and cheap. I realy hate people in our business who do that. You chose to do this right? Then don’t run from it by taking some kind of lame fake name. I honestly don’t care about people knowing who I am and what I do for a living.’

‘That’s cool, I like that honesty.’

‘So what about you?’, he asks. I take it he means my name.

‘I’m Tom.’, I answer.

‘And I heard you’re the boss around here. Is this whole place yours?’, he continues.

‘It is and I am. But I’m not the kind of boss you’re picturing right now, I’m very active myself too as a lawyer.’

‘Isn’t that like, a lot? I mean, keeping a business running and solve cases yourself too?’

‘It’s not always easy, no. So sometimes I have to give away a case to one of the lawyers that work for me, but most of the time I try not to do that. Sometimes people pay a lot to get me, so I can’t ditch on them.’

‘So I take it you’re good then?’

‘Well when people pay a lot extra to get me and when I see the success in and around my company, I could say I am. Why, need a lawyer?’. I joke.

‘No, luckily not. But at least now I know where to find a good one when I do need one.’, he answers.

‘Please don’t be offended by this, but I don’t think I’m within your price range.’

‘I think you are. See, I’m like you in a way, as in people pay an awful lot extra to get me too and I get to keep 75% of what I bring in to myself. So I can’t say I’m poor either.’, he winks at me.

‘Alright, I believe you.’, I tell him.

‘And maybe you could help me become a little less poor as well.’

‘I could, but I think I’ll pass. No offense again, it’s not that I think you’re ugly or anything, but…’

‘O come on, don’t give me the “I’m not gay” thing, I bet your friend over there isn’t either. But you are a man and you can’t tell me that you don’t like the idea of getting a good blowjob. It’s not like fucking me is the only option I provide.’

‘At least you don’t let yourself get run down easily. I bet that’s something your boss likes about you too.’, I grin.

‘Don’t avoid the subject.’, is all he says back.

‘I don’t, it’s just that the answer is going to stay no. And if by that, I’m wasting valuable time of yours, you’re free to walk away any second.’

‘Fine, I will.’, he puts his glass down on the table with a firm gesture and starts walking away from me.

‘Bye, enjoy your night!’, I say and shake my head laughing. It’s kind of sad that apparently in his world the only reason why people talk to him is because they want something from him. I just wanted to be nice. Have a little small talk, you know? But he couldn’t realy appreciate that.

When I look around the room again, I suddenly notice the girl who was on the table, isn’t there anymore. She’s now sitting on the lap of one of the guys around the table. They’re obviously discussing on how much it’s going to cost to get her out of her clothes entirely.

I decide to sit down on the couch a few meters away from me and get my phone out of my pocket. I think in this huge crowd, it works best to text the one you want to talk to, instead of looking for him. So I send my vice, Ben, a text:

‘Hey dude, I’m on that couch next to the bar. Could you come over there and score some lines for us on your way over?’

‘Sure, five minutes.’, Ben’s response comes in just a few seconds later.

I smile at my phone and then put it back in my pocket. It doesn’t even take Ben 5 minutes to get to me, in fact he’s next to me before I even know it. He puts a small mirror with the famous white powder in front of us and starts cutting a couple of lines.

‘How many do you want?’, he asks.

‘Well, I’ll start by two. Maybe I’ll take some more later on.’, I answer.

He nods and after he’s done cutting four lines, he hands the so called straw to me. I take it from him and snort in two lines. It stings just a little, but isn’t realy disturbing. It’s not because I can feel myself immediately relax too. After Ben took the other two lines, he looks up at me.

‘Can I get you something to drink?’, he offers.

‘Yeah, just get me something strong, I don’t realy care what it is.’, I sigh.

‘Did something happen?’

Ben isn’t only my vice, he’s my nephew and best friend too. I always tell him what’s on my mind, so I don’t think I can ditch on it this time, but first some drinks.

‘I’ll tell you when you got me something to drink.’, I promise him.

He nods and stands up. It’s now that I start to feel a little restless again. Ben’s mom, my mother’s sister, passed away due to breast cancer just three years earlier. I bet hearing this, his favorite aunt/ second mom, is probably sick too, is going to freak him out as well. But as I said, I can’t realy keep this from him. If he figures out I knew already and didn’t tell him, he’s going to be pissed as hell.

‘Here, it’s scotch.’, Ben says as he comes back to me and hands me my drink.

‘Thanks.’, I reply and take a zip, immediately the liquid warms up my throat.

‘So, what happened?’, he asks.

‘My mom called me, she was crying. Turns out they think she has breast cancer, they found a spot in her right breast and they want to do further exams on it. Given the fact breast cancer runs in the family my mon is almost sure that’s what it’s got to be.’

‘Oh no.’, Ben looks shocked, ‘When are they going to examine her?’

‘Tomorrow, they want to do another, more detailed scan and take a biopsy. She asked me if I wanted to come with her, so I wanted to ask you if you could take over for me tomorrow.’

‘Sure I can, you don’t even have to ask. I could also take over for you right now, so you can go over there and be there for your mom.’, he offers.

‘No thanks, I don’t want to do that to you. I would also constantly be worried that the place is going to burn down or something and I just feel responsible for all this shit, you know? And I also don’t want to think about it right now. It’s not going to change anything.’, I sigh.

‘Well maybe you could take one of the special guests we have tonight back to your office.’, he winks at me.

‘Did you?’, I ask.

‘Yeah, actualy we were just done when you texted me. She’s hot as hell and if you wouldn’t know, you wouldn’t notice what she does for a living, if you know what I mean.’, another wink.

‘You mean she’s tight down there?’

‘Oh yeah.’, he grins widely.

‘Fun thing is, I could actualy have it just a little more tight. Some guy they send obviously wanted me to do him, given the offended reaction he gave me when I turned him down.’, I grin back.

‘Why the hell would you do that?’

‘Because I’m not gay, alright?’

‘Dude, who cares. You don’t have anyone to explain yourself too. Don’t you at least think it’s hot? Not even a little bit?’

‘Yeah, maybe you’re right.’, I start to give in a little.

‘I am right, so go take a another line and then go get him, show him who’s boss.’, he pushes my arm, ‘You see what I did there?’

I laugh and down my drink. After that I lean back over the table and start to cut myself another line, as I’m told. When I snorted the line, I take a few minutes to let the stuff kick in and then get up from the couch.

‘Yeah, well, I hope I can still find him.’, I murmur to myself as I look around the crowd and don’t see Bill anywhere. He couldn’t have found a new victim that quick, could he?

I start to walk as I keep looking around the room for my pierced and tattooed allover “friend”. It’s almost 15 minutes later when I finally spot him. He’s pressed up against a wall and is heavily making out with some other guy I’ve never seen before. Considering his clothing, he can’t be one of my employees. He has to be the second guy, meaning Bill is making out with one of his colleagues. I walk over to them and clear my throat, both the guys are staring at me, a little surprised.

‘Hi.’, Bill says after a few seconds as the alcohol and the drugs finally seem to let him recognize me.

‘Can I have a moment?’, I ask.

‘You mean a moment as in…’, he starts.

‘As in that, yeah.’, I interrupt him.

‘Wait, can I join?’, the guy Bill was just making out with, stares at me with hungry eyes.

‘No, thanks.’, I cut him short.

‘You won’t have to pay me.’, he tries to make a sexy face, sadly for him that doesn’t work on me. Bill is mine now, sucker.

‘Still no.’, I repeat and turn back to Bill, ‘Now, please.’

Bill nods and pushes his friend out of the way. Then he follows me in the direction of the elevator. I try to avoid as many looks as I can. I pray to god no one is going to see me run of with some prostitute. Not just a prostitute, a male one!

‘Why the hell were you two kissing?’, I ask as soon as we’re in the elevator.

‘I could tell you that we’re people too and we need some attention too now and then which we don’t have to pay for, but you won’t believe me, so I’ll be honest. We’re high, drunk and we were bored. Simple as that.’

‘So you’re gay?’

‘I fuck guys and let guys fuck me for a living, but hell no, I’m as straight as I can be.’, he says sarcastically.

‘You can drop the attitude now okay?’

‘Or else?’

I decide not to answer that question with words, I’ll just show him. The elevator doors in front of us slide open and we walk out of it. Bill makes a little pit stop at the conference room where he says his stuff are. He’s getting a condom or something. When I see him come back he has a pack of cigarettes and a keycard in his hand.

‘You won’t need that.’, I tell him and point at the keycard.

‘But it’s for…’

‘I know what it’s for, but we won’t go there. We’ll go to my office.’

‘Really?’, an amused expression appears on his face.

I simply nod and start to walk in the direction of my office, Bill right behind me. My office of course is the biggest in the building and has the most amazing view of all times. I can hear Bill agreeing to that as soon as we enter my office and he gasps for air.

‘Wow, this is amazing!’, he breaths as he walks past me into my office. Right in the middle of it, he stands still and looks around. After a few seconds he turns around and looks at me while pointing in the direction of my private bathroom, ‘Let me guess, behind that door you hide a bathroom and a bedroom?’

‘Only a bathroom unfortunately. If I would get myself a bedroom too, I probably would never leave here and that wouldn’t be healthy either.’, I answer. I see him nod.  

The annoyed feeling I had towards him went down just as fast as it came. Big part of that will be the drugs I just took. But the fact he seems to be so impressed by what I achieved, is responsible for this too. You see, I made all this happen myself, unlike most law firms that are family businesses. All this at the age of 25. Yeah, I’m a proud guy.

‘What can I do for you?’, Bill’s voice breaks through my thoughts.

‘Nothing special, actualy. I just wanted some of your time and then see what happens. At the end of it all, I’ll give you 500, you can decide what you want or don’t want to do for that money. Just surprise me. Can you do that?’

‘Sure.’, a playful grin is being send to me. All though I can still see he’s not used to these kinds of requests. Most of the time people probably tell him exactly what they want from him and how they want it to happen. But I’m not like that, I don’t like to treat people like slaves. I will pay him because I know this is work for him, but I also want him to have some fun too.

I walk over to Bill and place my hand in his neck, making it pretty clear what I’m about to do.

‘Is this allowed?’, I ask with my face just a few inches away from his.

‘Yes.’, he answers quickly. Not much later he adds whispering: ‘Please.’

I can’t help but grin just before I kiss him. For the first couple of minutes, we don’t do anything but kiss and I can tell you one thing, the way he kisses me back realy gets me going. I let my hands slide down his back and onto his ass, I squeeze it teasingly.

His hands slide under the jacket of my suit and it doesn’t surprise me that it lands on the floor just a few seconds later. After that he continues with my tie and starts to unbutton my shirt. I start to do the same thing to him and as our hands go lower and lower, the tension gets higher by the second. So high that I can’t resist the urge to let one of my hands slide into his pants. He’s not wearing anything under it, so I immediately have skin to skin contact.

He moans and pushes his hips forward as a response. I grin again, against his lips this time and start to move my hand in a slow pace. Meanwhile he pushes my shirt of my shoulders as well and starts to touch my heated skin all over, sometimes even using his nails. I moan as well.

As soon as I let my hand go faster and by that give the sensitive spots a lot more attention, he moans again and breaks of the kiss.

‘Shit, I… O fuck, I’m so close.’, he whispers as he shivers allover his body.

I take that as a sign to pick up the pace one last time and just a few seconds later, he explodes. A high squeak leaves his throat and I can see him gasping for air while he holds on to me tightly. As the orgasm slowly lets go of his body again, he loosens the grip around my arms and opens his eyes again.

‘Nobody… has ever done this before, you know that?’, he starts, still a little out of breath.

‘Seriously?’, my eyes widen in surprise and I let go of him.

‘Yeah, seriously. Nobody ever touches me down there, they are always only interested in the back entrance if you know what I mean and most of them don’t care about my orgasm. Don’t care if I have one or not. You literally are the first person I meet who cares about my pleasure as well. Most man are beasts, Tom, believe me.’

‘So then why on earth are you doing this?’

‘Because I love the fact that people actualy think I’m hot enough to spent all that money on and I love how people get turned on by me. How they come screaming because of what I do to them. And maybe it sounds dumb, but I just like to be fucked. You probably can’t imagine the possibility of actualy liking this job, but I do. And if that means jerking off every once in a while, because no one managed to make me come during a night of work, I gladly do that.’

‘You’re right, I can’t imagine that. But I’m glad you really do enjoy it and I hope that you feel save enough to tell me when you don’t. I’m a good person, you know? And I could help you get out of this shit if you would want to. Just so you know.’, I walk past him to get myself a drink. I always have some liquor in my office, for when I need to work late.

‘I’m fine, really, but thanks anyway.’, Bill answers.

‘Want some too?’, I ask and hold up my drink. He walks over to me and takes the glass from my hand. I take that as a yes. I shake my head laughing and pour myself another glass, after which I sit down on the couch next to Bill.

After a short drink break, things get real nasty again between me and Bill. He decides to thank me for giving him a hand job by going down on me real good and by that I mean, mind-blowingly good. I believe I never screamed during an orgasm before, but this time I did. Glad to know nobody was there to hear me.

And last but not least, I very originally fucked him over my desk and made his orgasm even better by touching him once again. And now, after we both had two orgasms, we’re under the shower like nothing happened. That’s right, I have an actual bathroom in my office, not just a toilet. It realy comes in handy sometimes when you had a long day in court and you simply don’t feel like getting home first.

‘Fuck.’, Bill suddenly whispers.

‘What?’, I ask.

‘I don’t have clean clothes on me, I didn’t expect to make mine dirty. Fuck, it will be so gross to get back into that pants.’, he sighs.

‘I’ve got some sweatpants for you, if you like.’

‘You think people will think sweatpants are hot? I could just as well quit my job right this second, then.’, he laughs.

‘Do you still need to work for this night to be successful, when I give you 500?’, I ask.

‘Yeah, because your 500 would make 675 total and I agreed on bringing in at least a 1000 dollars. My boss is a nice guy, but he won’t like it if after what I pulled today, I come back with less than agreed on tonight.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I slept all day and by that missed one of my best paying and most favorite clients. But I couldn’t realy help it, I was exhausted after last night and I actualy still am.’, he sighs again.

‘I can see that. Now, what if I’ll give you 1250, will you then go home now and get some sleep? And take my sweatpants offer?’, I look at him.

‘Why are you so nice to me?’, he asks.

‘Because you’re a person too, Bill, you deserve to be taken care off once in a while too. Not just in a sexual way, but also in a someone caring for you kind of way. So do we have a deal?’

‘Well, I…’, he starts, but I interrupt him by putting my finger on his lips.

‘Sleep for me, Bill.’, I try to make it sound as naughty as possible. It seems to work, because immediately a grin appears on Bill’s face.

‘Would that satisfy you?’, he asks in the same kind of voice.

‘O fuck, yeah.’, I lean into him and kiss him briefly, ‘Now go.’

He laughs when I slap his ass as he passes me. He starts to dry his hair and body very carefully and I start to do the same. I finish earlier then he does and walk into my office to get my sweatpants for him. While I’m at it, I put on a clean pair of boxers myself. When I gave Bill the sweatpants, I return to my office and put my suit back on.

When I’m fully dressed and my hair is back the way it was before, I walk over to my desk to get the 1250 I promised to Bill. When I sit down on my chair, I can still see the marks of Bill’s hands from when I just bent him over. I grin and shake my head, I actualy can’t believe I did this, but it was kind of nice.

‘Here you go.’, I hold out the cash to Bill as soon as he walks out of the bathroom, dressed in my sweatpants.

‘Thank you so much.’, Bill says when he takes the money from my hand.

‘You’re welcome.’

‘No realy, I mean, thank you so much for everything. Thank you for taking care of me the way you just did. I don’t think I will ever forget this night.’, he smiles at me.

‘Me neither.’, I smile back and mean it, I will never forget this as well.


	3. Tom

-Two years later -

With a bouquet of flowers and an envelope in my hand, I walk over the graveyard where my mother is being laid to rest just ten weeks ago. The headstone was put on her grave only yesterday, so I’m here to see what it looks like now it’s done.

Actualy it’s not the only reason I’m here, the envelope is a reason too. I just got it from the solicitor who read my mother’s will. According to him it contains some pretty important information which my mother wanted me to know. So I decided to come here and read it as close to my mother as I can possibly be right now.

I walk up to a bench that’s right in front of my mother’s grave and sit down on it. I lean forward to put the flowers on the grave and then just stare at the envelope for a couple of seconds. My name is on it, but it’s not my mother’s handwriting. I however do recognize it, who wrote this?

I shrug and open up the envelope, pull the letter out of it. ‘Okay mom, let’s see what you have to say.’, I murmur to myself, right before I start reading.

_‘Dear son,_

_First of all I’m really sorry that I didn’t get the chance anymore to tell you this in person, as you know, I’m so tired that I hardly can keep my eyes open anymore. Anyway, there has been a huge secret crushing me ever since you were born._

_I know I’ve always told you your dad left because he was just a weak asshole and didn’t want to be a responsible father, but that’s not the real reason, at least, not all of it. The real story is that he couldn’t handle me being pregnant with twins. As you know he didn’t want one at all, how was he supposed to handle two?_

_So after a lot of fighting and screaming about it, he left. Leaving me with two babies in my belly and the costs that were going to come along with them. I couldn’t handle that as well, dear, so I was forced to give your little brother up for adoption. It hurt so much and it hurts up till this day, but you have to understand, I had to do it!_

_I would love to tell you all about your brother, so you can maybe get in touch with him. But I don’t know anything about him. On the birth certificate, I gave him the name Jesse, but I’m not sure if his foster parents left it that way._

_I hope you can forgive me for keeping this a secret. I love you._

_Love, mom.’_

For a moment I just blankly stare at the paper as all kinds of emotions run through my body and my head is screaming all kinds of thoughts. The question that keeps on coming back is; how could she have not told me this? How? In all of those years, all of the conversations we had about my childhood? How could she have always kept her mouth shut? Willingly!

Without even thinking, my hand shoots down my front pocket to get a pack of cigarettes out of it. I get one out of the pack and light it. While smoking, I read the letter again, this time I try to focus more on the handwriting. I’m sure I’ve seen it before and I’ve seen it  a lot.

A shot of anger rushes through me when it finally hits me, it’s Ben. This is Ben’s handwriting. The son of a bitch, he never bothered to tell me. We’re talking about my mom here, my brother! How long has he known about this? At least for two months, but it could be even longer too, since my mom has been that sick for the last four months of her life.

I get up from the bench, too angry to tell my mom a proper goodbye and I storm off. I put the letter in the pocket of my jacket, to make sure I’ll keep it with me. I know myself, when I’m this angry, it’s very easy to forget to take stuff with me.

When I get inside my car, and drive away from the graveyard, I call another good friend of mine. His name is Andreas and we’ve known each other for years.

‘Hey man, how’s it going?’, he says as he picks up.

‘Hey. Well, not that good. Could you meet me at my office in 45 minutes?’, I ask.

‘Sure, but why are you working? I thought you had that meeting with your mother’s solicitor.’

‘I did, but it didn’t take that long. I was her only child and her sister died years ago, we were pretty much all she had, except for her girlfriends. So she left almost everything to me. And I’m not working, there’s just something I need to take care of right now, I’ll explain everything when you get there, okay?’, I tell him.

‘Yes, of course. I’ll be there.’, he says and then he hangs up the phone.

Next on my list is Ben, and that may be the hardest call I’ve ever made in my entire life. I’m used to twisting the truth a little to win a case, but when it comes to me personally, I’m not that good at lying or in this case, acting like nothing is wrong.

‘Trumper’s Lawyers, this is Ben speaking. How can I help you?’, Ben’s voice fills my car.

‘It’s me.’, is all I say.

‘O, Tom, hi. What’s up? How did it go?’

‘Fine, but there is one thing I’d like to talk to you about. I’m on my way to the office right now and I think I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Can you clear your schedule?’

‘Well, you sure make it sound very important, mister Trumper.’, he jokes.

‘Ben, please, can you just do as I asked?’, I’m starting to lose my patience already.

‘Take it easy, okay? I was just making a joke. I’ll make time.’, Ben sounds a little offended, but to tell you the truth, I don’t realy give a fuck.

Without saying anything back to him, I hang up the phone and hit the gas a little harder than before. Luckily for me, my firm isn’t in the busiest part of Manhattan, so at least it’s possible to keep driving, unlike the area around Times Square where there’s more standing still than actual driving.

When I arrive at the office about five minutes later than expected, I get out of my car and enter the building. All kinds of surprised looks are being shot at me, but I ignore them all. I’m not in the mood for small talk and explaining everyone why I’m here when I said I wasn’t going to be, and I sure as hell don’t have time for it.

I get into the elevator and hit the button to Ben’s floor a little more aggressively as needed. The doors slide shut before me and slowly the thing starts moving. When it gets up to the 25th floor, the doors slide open again and I walk out of the elevator.

I maybe get even more angry when I get to Ben’s office and see him still being in a meeting with one of his clients. I told him to clear his fucking schedule, didn’t I? And I’m already 5 minutes late.

At that moment, Ben looks up and meets my eyes which must be shooting fire right now. He looks back at his client and I can see him reaching to his phone, probably to make a new appointment. When he did that, both the guys stand up and walk towards the door.

I force myself to smile politely as the client passes me and wish him a good day. He smiles back and walks in the direction of the elevator. As soon as he’s out of hearing range, I turn back to Ben and push him back into his office.

‘Wow, what the hell, man?’, Ben starts with a mix of anger and surprise on his face.

‘I could ask you the same thing!’, I pull the letter out of my pocket and show it to him, ‘This is your handwriting, isn’t it?’

He nods.

‘How the hell could you do this to me?!’, I yell and push him again, harder this time. He nearly manages to stay upright.

‘Do what to you? I didn’t tell your mother to make that decision! How could I? The sperm cell and the egg that became me, hadn’t even met yet at that time and you know that.’, he yells back.

‘That’s not the point, Ben. The fact that you wrote this, means you knew this earlier then me. You’ve known for the last couple of months and didn’t tell me shit. What the fuck is wrong with you?’, I toned my voice down a little, but it’s not like I’m less angry.

‘She needed someone to write it down for her, and didn’t want to ask one of her friends, so she asked me. She wanted to tell you this herself and decided to do it this way. What was I supposed to do? Break her trust and tell you?’

‘No, you should have told her she needed to tell me in person, or she had to let you give me that letter right away. If she refused that, than yeah, you should’ve broken her trust and tell me. I had a right to know! God knows where my brother is right now and how he’s doing. What if he is in huge trouble and I could help him? Then you two left him in that shit for months longer, for no fucking reason.’

‘What makes you think he’s in trouble?’, Ben asks.

‘Gosh, I don’t know. Maybe all those horrible stories you read about foster kids who were fucked up by the system. Who were treated like garbage by their foster families and eventually see no other way then to get addicted to drugs or even kill themselves. What if he’s one of them and I could have saved him months ago, or if it were for my mother, years ago?’, I feel myself getting frustrated again. If it only were for the calm and untouched way Ben looks at me right now.

‘Come on, Tom. Those are just assumptions. Maybe he’s just fine, having the best life in the world. Then you’re here making a big fuss for nothing.’, he says.

‘Making a fuss for nothing? Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me right now? He’s my brother, my twin brother! I didn’t even know he existed my whole life, my mother has always kept it from me. Do you have any idea what that feels like? What it feels like to be betrayed like that by the one person you always felt was honest with you because she was your fucking mother? And now you seriously want to tell me to calm down, because this shit is basicly nothing. What kind of asshole are you?!’, I start to yell again.

‘I’m not saying it’s nothing.’, he continues.

‘Pretty sure you just did.’

‘No, I said that maybe you’re freaking out over nothing and by that I meant the part in which you said he might have killed himself. I do get that this is pissing you off, but I don’t think I’m the one to blame here. I just helped your mom write the letter, if I didn’t, you might have never known. Now, is that what you would’ve wanted?’

‘You are to blame here, Ben and you know that. Stop acting like you don’t. Stop trying to get yourself out of this one. I’m not some sort of stupid client who you can manipulate into the way you want things to go. Just admit you were wrong here, okay? Is that so hard?’

‘I didn’t do anything wrong, Tom, I helped your mother. And if you can’t accept that, fine, but at least let me help you find your brother.’, Ben says and walks over to his desk chair.

He sits down on it and starts to look for something on his computer. After just a few seconds, I see him nod and he reaches for a post it and a pen, starts to write something down.

‘What are you doing?’, I ask.

‘I’m writing down the name and phone number of a realy good private investigator I worked with in one of my last cases. She knows just the right ways to get people talking and to find out stuff, people think nobody will ever find out. Her name is Heather Young.’, he answers and hands the post it over to me.

‘Which case was it?’

‘The one with the mother who’s daughter was killed by her husband. The guy hired a serial killer to do it and covered up his tracks so well, everybody thought the mother was lying, including the court and the judges. But then I hired Heather to do one last search for me and she hit jackpot, found everything we needed to get that guy in jail for the rest of his life. Him and the serial killer who did the job.’

I nod as I remember the story. It indeed tells me Heather must be good at what she does. Maybe I’ll consider to call her.

‘Okay, well, thanks for the number. But don’t expect me to ever trust you again. You’re lucky I first have to meet with the board before I fire someone, and I’m pretty sure they won’t let me fire you because of this. You’re lucky as hell.’, I tell him.

Without waiting for him to answer me, I turn around and leave his office, slam the glass door shut behind me. With blood still boiling in my veins, I walk back to the elevator and go up to my office. When I get there I get myself a drink and sink down on the couch, in my hand I still have the pink post it with Heather’s name and number on it.

I stare at it and I’m still staring at it the second Andreas walks in.

‘Holy shit, man, you look like hell.’, is the first thing he says.

I get up from the couch and we greet each other with a brotherly hug. When we sit back down on the couch, I show him the letter. Tell him to read it first. I can see his eyes grow wider with every word he reads. When he’s done, he looks at me, even he is a little pale.

‘Did you just get this?’, he asks.

‘Yes, this morning. I thought it were just some last words, her telling me how much she loved me and how proud she always was. Just a way for me to always keep her words with me, as some sort of touchable memory. So I got some flowers and went to my mother’s grave to read it beside her. I don’t get this, Andy, she’s my mom, you know her. How could she have kept this from me?’

‘I don’t know, man. I wish I knew.’, he briefly puts his hand on my shoulder.

‘There’s another fun part, by the way. Ben wrote it for her and by that allowed her to let this shit go on for another couple of months. I just tried to tell him that, but he’s still convinced he didn’t do anything wrong.’, I continue.

‘If I were you, I would’ve slammed his head against the wall.’

‘I wanted to, but we’re at the office, so I had to hold in a little. If I didn’t, I was going to have to explain everything to everyone and it’s just nobody’s business. But I sure as hell will never trust him again and I’m pretty sure things will never go back to the way they were. He was my family and my best friend, Andy, I’ve never trusted anyone as much as I trusted him. I just don’t get it and I never will.’, I know I talk in circles here, but I just can’t escape from them.

‘I don’t think you will either. The most shitty part of it all, is that you will never get some answers from your mother. And she’s probably the only one who had answers.’, Andreas says.

‘Yeah, or my brother must have some supernatural memory and remember everything from when he was just a few days old. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.’, I laugh.

‘So you want to go looking for him? Get to know him?’

‘I’m not sure yet. I think I do want to know if he’s doing okay. If he has a home, a job, if he’s healthy. But I don’t know if I want that to involve actualy seeing him and I don’t know if I want him in my life. I just learnt he existed an hour ago, I need to think.’

‘How are you going to find out more about him without actualy looking for him yourself?’, he asks.

‘Well, Ben gave me the number of a private investigator, according to him she’s one of the best. I’m thinking about calling her and hiring her to find out stuff. After that I can decide what I’m going to do with the information she’s going to give me, right? But on the other hand, I’m just not sure if, after losing my mom, I want all this to happen right now. I just have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of dirt and I don’t think I can handle that right now.’

‘As you said yourself, you need to think about all that and you need to give yourself a little time for it too.’

‘Yeah, but what if he’s in real danger? I can’t bear the thought of leaving him inside of a dangerous situation one second longer then needed, just like my mom and Ben did. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if, for example, I decide to look for him in a week and just in that week, he killed himself. Just when I could’ve saved him.’, I sigh.

‘So you think you can do all this in just one week?’, he laughs in disbelief.

‘First of all, I said it was an example. Second, if she’s as good as Ben says, a lot can be done in one week. Ben gave her an assignment that needed to be finished in just two days and she did it. So if I explain the situation and tell her I think my brother might be in danger, she’ll make it work fast too, don’t you think?’

‘Yeah, okay, you’ve made your point.’

‘Thank you.’, I smile at my friend and I can’t hide a hint of satisfaction on my face.

‘So, I think it’s time to get your mind of off this shit right now. Let’s have some lunch and some drinks and let’s decide not to talk about this for at least the upcoming couple of hours.’, he looks at me.

I nod and stand up from the couch, get my pack of cigarettes from the table where I just threw them on and turn to Andreas.

‘But first we smoke.’, I tell him.

He nods too and follows my lead in standing up. After that we leave my office together and go downstairs. Again numerous looks are being shot at me, and again I ignore them all. I have to admit I feel a lot better than when I entered the building about an hour ago, but I still don’t feel like talking. Especially not to the people downstairs, who I never talk to anyway.

As soon as me and Andreas walked out of the building, I hand him a cigarette which he accepts. We both light it and sit down on one of the benches in front of my firm.

‘So, how was your date with Chris last night?’, I ask

‘It was amazing, we had so much fun, he’s such a nice guy. I can really see this going somewhere.’, he says.

‘Tell me all about it. It was the second date right?’

‘Third already, actualy. He had a day off from work and as you know, I don’t work Mondays and Tuesdays either. So we kind of spent all day together. We went for a walk in Central Park an talked about all kinds of stuff, while holding hands of course. After that he took me to dinner and again there was a lot of talking. It really feels like I’ve known this guy for years! And well, after dinner we went to his place and there we did everything but talking, if you know what I mean.’, he winks at me.

‘I still don’t get how you enjoy that stuff. I mean sex with another man. I know it’s because you’re gay, but still.’

‘I remember a time where you enjoyed it too.’, he pushes me playfully.

‘That was once, two years ago and I was drunk, high and emotional. Are you really going to remind me of that the rest of my life?’, I push him back.

‘What was his name again?’

‘Bill.’, I don’t even have to think for a second.

I still remember him and that night like yesterday. I promised him that night that I wouldn’t forget him and I didn’t, not even a second. And not only because Andreas likes to remind me every few months.

In fact, a couple of months after the party, I tried to look for Bill. I remembered how exhausted and used up he looked and I wanted to know if things were better by then. But I couldn’t find him anywhere. I even tried calling his boss, but he wouldn’t tell me where Bill was at that point and said the only way for me to meet him was to fuck him again. Yeah, he literally said that.

Till this day I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, after that I stopped looking for him. Maybe it was enough for me to hear he apparently was still alive. 

‘I wonder how he’s doing now.’, I add.

‘What do you mean?’, Andreas asks.

‘Just what I said. I wonder how he’s doing. I wonder if maybe he chose another, healthier lifestyle after all and maybe is building some sort of career.’

‘I don’t think so, he told you he liked his job, right?’

‘Yeah, but I always told you I didn’t believe him when he said that. Maybe he believed it himself, but I didn’t. You should’ve seen his face, Andy, his whole body language screamed that there was so much more going on. I don’t believe people start doing that kind of work because they want to. Because if they did, why would they need so much drugs? I mean, the guy was baked as fuck. You don’t do stuff like this because you like it or because you want to, you do it because you see no other way.’, I tell Andreas and I can still feel how worried I was that night.

‘And still there are people who do like it, really like it.’

‘Could be, but he wasn’t one of them.’

‘Maybe you’re right.’, he says.

‘Anyway, let’s get back to where we started this conversation; Chris. Will you guys continue dating or are you going to try to build a future together from now on?’, I ask.

‘No, nothing is official or exclusive yet, so for now I guess we’re still on a date every time we see each other. Although it doesn’t feel that way. I will be going over to his place after he’s done working this afternoon. Maybe I’ll find the courage to ask him if he wants to take stuff to the next level.’

‘Yeah, maybe you should.’

‘Gosh, Tom, I really hope he’s my mister right.’, he sighs.

‘I hope so too, you really deserve that!’, I tell him and I mean it.

Andreas discovered he was gay when he was about fifteen years old, and life has been stormy ever since. Ten years ago, people weren’t that open about people being gay as they are right now, and Andreas discovered that too.

First there were his parents who freaked out completely and even send him to a camp where they claim they can cure you from being gay. Of course they couldn’t, so Andreas was terrified to go home and he had a right to be. His father was so angry he beat the hell out of his son the night he came home and answered “no” to the question if he was straight now.

So Andreas went to his friends, hoping they would react differently and most of all, he hoped they would be supportive. But they didn’t. They also thought he was some sort of creep who had a dangerous and contagious disease, so he eventually ran away from his home town and came to New York.

When he came here, he first lived out on the streets for four years and one day came to a homeless shelter where I volunteered and that’s how we met. We started talking that night and basicly talked all night on a bench in Central Park, we can both still point out which one.

He told me his whole story and I decided to help him. My mother by that time, had married a very rich guy, and so money wasn’t a problem for me either. So I started with buying Andreas new clothes and brought him food every once in a while.

After I finished law school, me and Andreas were still in touch and our friendship grew closer and closer. That’s when we decided to share my first apartment. From there I helped him build up a whole new life, involving a job and eventually his own apartment.

Just when things started to look like they were going to be fine, Andreas met Jim. At first they seemed like the perfect couple and nothing was wrong, until the day Jim decided he could also just treat Andreas like garbage. So that’s what he did. He started to boss Andreas around and when he didn’t do as told, he would get beat up. Which got worse and worse every time too.

To make a long story short, of course I found out about that and the whole “taking care of Andreas” project started from the beginning. I pulled him from Jim’s house a little more than a year ago now and Chris is the first one he’s dating since then. It explains why, after all the shit Andreas went through, I really hope Chris will be the right guy.

‘So where do you want to go for lunch?’, I ask when I finished my cigarette.

‘Well, on my way here I passed that fancy new lunchroom at fifth. Maybe we could try that one out?’, he suggests.

‘Right, yeah, and who will pay for that?’

‘I know, I’m sorry. I’m working my ass off to keep my apartment. I promise that when things get better, I’ll take you out to whatever place you want.’

I look at him with a grin on my face.

‘What?’, he asks.

‘I was just joking, how many times do I have to tell you that before you stop falling for it?’

‘When will you stop making fun of the fact that I’m not that smart at times?’

‘At times?’, I act surprised and laugh when he pushes me again.

‘So, lead the way.’, I continue as we both stand up, ‘I haven’t been on fifth in ages, so I have no idea what fancy new lunchroom you’re talking about, but I’m sure you do.’

He nods and we start to walk in the direction of fifth avenue. We’re at the opposite side of Central Park, so for a lazy guy like me it’s a pretty long walk, but today I like it somehow. The fresh air helps to create some space in my head. And if there’s one thing I need right now, it’s that.

After my lunch date with Andreas, I return to the office to pick up my car and Andreas goes home to shower before he’ll meet Chris again. Of course now that Andreas isn’t there to distract me anymore, my head starts to fill itself up with all the thoughts I just let go of. And with that, anger runs back into my system as well. Anger and disbelief.

When I get to my car, I decide to first smoke another cigarette. When I open the little package, I spot the bright pink post it again with Heather’s number on it. I already started to wonder where I left that little piece of paper.

Along with a cigarette, I pull the post it out of the package and stare at it again for a few seconds, as soon as I lit up my cigarette. I could just try it, right? See what happens? When it turns out to be too much, I can always pull the plug.

I reach for my phone in the front pocket of my jeans and dial the number. Jeans? Yeah, jeans, when I don’t work I don’t wear a suit. Another reason why I think people at my office stared at me like that, when I walked in.

The phone rings about three times, before someone picks up. A sweet voice of a young woman fills my ear.

‘Heather Young, speaking?’

Here we go.


	4. Heather

With a fresh and hot cup of coffee, I run back into my office where my phone started ringing again just a few seconds ago. I allow myself to sit down on my desk chair, before I pick up the phone. It wasn’t ringing that long.

‘Heather Young, speaking?’, I try to make it sound as nice as possible.

Secretly it pisses me off a little that someone has to call me for the millionth time today. Can’t I just have a peaceful cup of coffee? My colleagues always tell me I should be happy about being called on all day, because it means business is going great and part of me knows they’re right. But I still can’t stand it somedays.

‘Hi, this is Tom Trumper. I’m the CEO of Trumper’s Lawyers and a colleague of mine gave me your number. He told me you’re very good at what you do and now I’m the one who needs your help.’, a nervous voice on the other end of the line.

‘Yeah, I remember that name.’, and I remember the money, ‘What can I do for you?’

‘I just learnt this morning that I have a twin brother somewhere. I don’t know anything about him, except for the fact that he’s been put in the foster system when just a few days old, and that his name on the birth certificate is Jesse Trumper. I was wondering if you could try to find out more about him, about his life right now. I would really like to know if he’s okay.’

‘That won’t be a problem.’, I write down “lost twin brother” and “Jesse Trumper” on my notepad.

‘How soon will you be able to start working on this?’, he asks.

‘Well, if it’s possible for you, we could meet up right away to go over a couple of things and then I can start looking for your brother tomorrow.’

‘Today? That fast?’

‘Yeah, if it works for you.’

‘It does, actualy. Tell me where I can find you and I’ll be right over.’, he says and I imagine him jumping of the couch to go get his car keys.

‘Unfortunately I can’t tell you my location. You know, in case of creepy clients. Can you tell me yours? Then I’ll come your way.’, I tell him.

‘Oh, right. Well, I’m at the office right now. You could come over there, I’m sure you remember where it is. Ask for me at the reception and they’ll tell you where to find me, tell them I told you to meet me at my office.’

‘I will. Oh, and Mr. Trumper? About the birth certificate…’, I start.

‘Yes?’, he replies.

‘Is it possible for you to get a hold of it for me? I could really use it in the search for you brother.’

‘Sure, yeah. I’ll call our family lawyer right away. I think he must have a copy.’

‘Great, I’ll be there in 30.’, I say in a polite tone of voice.

‘See you then.’, he answers and hangs up the phone.

I take a quick zip of my coffee and then start to gather all the stuff I’m going to need. My laptop, my notepad, my phone and a contract in case Mr. Trumper agrees to hire me for this thing. I really hope he will, not only because of the money, but also because this could be an interesting case.

When I finished stuffing everything in my bag, I walk out of my office, again with the coffee in my hand. Before I run out of the building, I first take a quick pit stop at Jennifer’s office, she’s one of my favorite colleagues.

‘Hey Jenny, listen. I have to run out now. Trumper’s Lawyers called on me again and they want me to do another thing for them, something personal this time. If I continue like this, I think my summer plans in Africa will actualy be possible.’, I wink.

‘You go, girl!’, she looks up at me and smiles.

‘Could you tell Mrs. Chambers where I’m at, when she returns from her meeting and that I’ll be back tomorrow morning?’

‘Sure, have fun!’

‘Thanks.’, I grin and start walking again.

After the exact amount of 30 minutes, I walk into the tall building where Trumper’s Lawyers is situated in. If you stand in front of the building, you would say more than one company must be in there, but that’s not the case. This firm is so huge, it needs the whole building. I heard Tom Trumper, the CEO around here and the man I’m about to meet, is only 27 years old and look at what he has accomplished. Man, the guy must have some good working brains up there.

‘Hi, I’m Heather Young. I’m here to see Mr. Trumper, I have an appointment.’, I tell the lady behind the reception desk.

She nods and dives into her computer, probably to see if I’m not making stuff up.

‘Right, I can see it right here. You have to take the elevator.’, she points at the elevator which is very hard to miss, but whatever, ‘Go up to the 35th floor and walk straight ahead, all the way to the end of the hallway. There you’ll find Mr. Trumper’s office. I’ll call him to tell him you’re coming.’

‘Thank you.’, I smile politely and turn to walk in the direction of the elevator.

I follow the directions the lady gave me and before I know it, I stand in front of Mr. Trumper’s office. I knock on the door softly.

‘Yes, come in.’, a voice answers on the other side of the door. Yup, sounds like the guy I just talked to.

I open the door and struggle not to gasp when a huge office is exposed to me. It’s exactly like you see in movies. Large and filled bookcases along the wall, an amazing view on the city and there’s also a couch which almost screams my name.

Behind a huge desk, on a comfy looking black leather desk chair, is Tom Trumper. You would expect a lawyer to wear a suit, but Tom doesn’t. He wears Jeans and a black over shirt, clearly lining out his figure. Holy potato’s, he’s hot. He stands up and walks over to me, reaches out his hand.

‘Hi, I’m glad you could come over on such short notice.’, he says as he shakes my hand.

‘No problem at all.’, I answer and smile.

‘Please sit down.’, he motions in the direction of the couch, ‘Can I get you anything?’

‘No thanks, I’m fine.’

I sit down on the couch and immediately notice I wasn’t wrong about how comfy it would be. This thing is heaven!

‘Can I just call you Tom?’, is the first thing I ask when he sits down next to me.

‘Please. “Mr. Trumper” always makes me feel like I’m already eighty or something.’, a small grin appears on his face.

‘I agree, I always prefer my first name too.’

I decide not to waste any more time and get my notepad and laptop out of my bag. I ask Tom to give me all the information he has, if he maybe has any memories on what happened all those years ago. Sadly he doesn’t, since the whole thing happened when he and his twin brother were just a few days old. The only person who could have told us more, was his aunt, but she passed away as well.

After an hour spent in Tom’s office, talking about ways I could try to find his brother and discussing the contract, I walk out of the building with my thoughts going a hundred miles an hour. The good part is that the contract in my bag is signed, but the bad part is, with this little information, things could get real difficult.

On my way back to Brooklyn, where I live, I try to calm my thoughts down in all kinds of ways. I smoke a cigarette, sing along to some stupid songs on the radio, but nothing really works. I need to find out more about this and I need to find out now. My curiosity, I think, is what makes me this good at my job. But it could also, like now, be very annoying.

I nearly suffer a heart attack, when my phone suddenly starts to vibrate in my pocket. I was just parking my car in front of my apartment building, so luckily for the person who’s calling, I’m able to pick up the phone. I never do while driving.

I check who’s calling and see it’s my niece, Bethany.

‘Hi, Beth.’, I say as I pick up.

‘Hi.’, she answers.

‘What’s up?’

‘I have to cancel for tonight.’

‘What? Why?’, I try to act like I’m a little offended, but to be honest, I forgot all about the fact that Bethany would come over tonight.

‘I have to work.’, she says.

‘It’s Wednesday, Beth. I thought you never worked Wednesdays.’

‘I normally don’t, but a friend of mine has a fever and was supposed to do a shift in a strip club tonight. I have to cover for him, because everyone else is already out tonight. I’m so sorry.’

‘No, it’s fine. Promise to be safe and promise to text me when you get home tonight. Love you!’

‘I will. Love you too.’, she replies and then hangs up the phone.

I sigh when I put my phone back in my pocket and get out of my car. Bethany has been in this business for years, but still I worry about her every single night she goes to work.

Originally, it started off as a way to pay for college when she was eighteen, like a lot of girls do around here. But college never happened. After a few months of working as a webcam girl, she decided she wanted more and started to work as a call girl for some guy who also offered he a place to live.

The guy managed to suck her in deeper and deeper and even got her to believe this was what she actualy wanted for her future. I can still remember the night she came in and told us, her family, just that. Everyone was very mad at her, but it didn’t stop her. To her, we were the ones who didn’t get her and made her feel like she didn’t belong. To her, the “friends” she made in that building she lived, and still lives in, did understand her.

I stayed mad at her for months and like the rest of my family, wasn’t planning on talking to her ever again, but I worried about her too much. So one night I called her and asked her if I could come visit her, to see for myself she was safe where she was now. It took me some time to convince her, but eventually I did.

I went over there two days after I called her and she showed me around the whole building, introduced me to some people and even introduced me to her boss. He actualy did seem like a nice and reasonable guy, although he can be a real jack ass too, or so I’ve heard.

After she showed me around, we went to her apartment, which is more like a hotel room. We had a drink or two and we talked for hours. She explained to me that her boss wasn’t forcing her into anything. There was just a certain amount of money she had to bring in during the month and was free to fill in how she was going to get it.

Just sometimes, she told me, they got asked to do something like going to a party to entertain people there. Or when you had a couple of months of not bringing in enough money, you sometimes had to do a few weeks of work in a strip club, which I’m sure has happened to her friend right now.

All and all, she seemed like she really was doing fine and people were taking care of her. That gave me a lot of rest, but I had her promise me to meet up with me once a week and call me when something was wrong. She does that up till this day. Unless, like tonight, she has to cancel to fill in for somebody.

As soon as I walk into my apartment, my cat Eddy comes over to greet me. He immediately starts snoring and pressed his little fluffy head against my leg.

‘Hello there, my little furry friend. How was your day?’, I ask as I drop my keys on the cabinet next to the front door and take off my jacket. As soon as my shoes are off too, I walk into my living room and order some Chinese before firing up my laptop.

As soon as it’s on, I get on the internet and open Google. Google most of the time, is my first step to figure stuff out about a person. Almost everyone has left something on the internet, and Google can find that for me.

I take my notepad out of my bag as well, to make sure I don’t misspell anything, when I type the name “Jessie Trumper”, into the search bar. Actively the site begins to search for me and within seconds, some links and photos are exposed to me. It doesn’t take long for me to discover that the photos and at least the first ten links, are about some European actor named Jesse Trumper.

After that there are some links to Facebook profiles of random guys and even some girls, who carry the same name. I open some of them, but they all don’t match, they all are far younger than 27 or they don’t look like Tom at all. And last but not least, none of them shows anything about maybe being a foster kid.

I sigh and go back to google, scroll down a little bit further. I’m about to give up and start to think about another way to search for Jesse, when my eye hits jackpot. At least, I hope it did. It’s a link to a site called “Foster Kids United”, where someone mentioned the name I searched for.

I click to open the link and the site opens, sends me directly to the blog of that one person. I take a quick look around the site to see if it in any way tells me, it’s not worth looking into. But there are no signs of that, so I return to the blog and start reading:

“ _Hi guys, sorry for not posting anything these last few weeks. But as I’m sure you all know, life as a fourteen year old kid is busy. Okay no, let’s be honest, I just forgot._ ”

Wait what? Fourteen? I almost start to lose hope, but gather some again, as soon as the date above the blog tells me, that this blog is posted over 12 years ago. I sigh in relief and continue reading:

“ _The reason I’m writing today, is because I found out something today. I’ve known I was a foster kid since I was five, but I never knew more than that. I never knew anything about my biological parents and that kept on bugging me._

_So today the thought popped into my head again and the curiosity was just too much. So I waited for my foster parents to leave for work and I started snooping around. It didn’t take very long for me to find what I was looking for, my birth certificate._

_Here comes the fun part, apparently my biological mom named me Jesse, Jesse Trumper. Attached to the file, there was a photo of me as a baby. I think in the photo my mom was holding me, but you can’t see her face._

_I’m so confused right now and maybe even more curious then I was before. Also it feels realy weird to discover my name has been changed to Bill Kaulitz by my foster parents, I mean, why would they do that? I wish I could just go to my foster parents and ask them about this, but I’m sure that when I do, my dad will beat the hell out of me again._

_Please, can anyone tell me what to do? I really want to know more. For all I know, I have some siblings out there. Wouldn’t that be cool? I always wanted to have siblings._

_I hope one of you reaches out to me!_

_Hugs!_ ”

I scroll down and see 14 year old Bill, provided some pictures as well. One of the birth certificate and one of the photo he was talking about in his blog.

‘Bill Kaulitz, you’re a fucking genius.’, I whisper to my screen and quickly get myself the printed copy of the birth certificate Tom gave me this afternoon. I enlarge the photo Bill took and start to compare the photo to the copy I hold in my hands. I can’t hold in an excited squeak, when it turns out everything matches. Date, time, weight, birth mom. This is my guy!

Quickly I write down the website and Bill’s username on it, so I can get back to the blog if I ever need to. Next I write his name down: Bill Kaulitz. After that I check out his profile, to see if he maybe still visits the site now and then, but it soon turns out he hasn’t anymore the last ten years.

The blogs after the one I just read, hardly mention the thing he then just found out about, it tells me nobody could help him out and he must have just given up. Instead, the blogs are about how much he wanted to get out of the house, which tells me his relationship with his foster parents wasn’t very good. According to the 16 year old Bill, they didn’t even let him finish high school.

I write down my findings again, you never know when they come in handy. For example these facts and the birth certificate combined, could help me convince Bill that he’s the guy I’m looking for, in case he would try to deny that. He wouldn’t be the first person who tried.

After I reread everything I just wrote down, I return to my good friend google, this time I type in “Bill Kaulitz” and the process of finding results starts again. It soon turns out there aren’t as many dudes named Bill Kaulitz, as there are named Jesse Trumper. The results that are showed to me are less extensive. Actualy there’s only one link where “Bill Kaulitz”, is being mentioned. All the other results only match Kaulitz.

I open the one link that mentions Bill and didn’t even see what kind of site it was, until it’s being exposed to me. It’s literally a site where people can rate and review porn and prostitutes. What the hell is Bill’s name doing out here? My stomach turns as my head whispers the answer; prostitution got up to Bill as well.

I hesitate a few seconds before scrolling down. Do I really want to know what some nasty prick has to say about Bill? Again my head answers this one for me; I need to read it, maybe it tells me where to find him.

_“So, I just got home from this party my boss threw for us. It’s an annual thing, but this time my boss really surprised us. Normally he just brings in some coke, but now he also brought in some prostitutes. Two guys and two girls. One of the guys had my attention the second he walked in, he had short, almost white hair and had a big tattoo on his chest. To top it all off, he was pierced all over. His tongue was too, and shit, it felt good down there! The guy knows just the way to make your orgasm go through the roof. Shit, I can still feel it when I think about it. So, if you ever meet him somewhere, his services are pretty expensive but he’s so worth your money! I’d rate him A+.”_

I open the comment section to hopefully find something there. But it only contains people who want to know what his name is and where they can find him. The author of the review, called Rick, says he doesn’t know where “the guy” works, but he does know his name is Bill Kaulitz. He says he saw Bill’s ID in his purse, when they went somewhere private.

‘Fuck… shit.’, I curse. This doesn’t take me anywhere, I already knew his name.

I take my glass of water from the table and take a couple of zips. In the mean time I try to think of what I can do next. Should I call Tom already? To tell him I at least found out his brother’s name and what he does, or maybe did for a living? No, I shouldn’t, I first need to find out more. A name alone just isn’t enough, it isn’t going to answer Tom’s questions.

A welcome break arrives, when the guy who’s delivering my food, knocks on my door just a few minutes later. While eating, I continue to think of strategies. I could look up a couple of strip clubs, call them and ask if they know Bill. If he maybe works for them? I could look up some websites? See if anyone fits Bill’s description.

After I finished dinner and a second glass of water, I pull my laptop on my lap again. Just when I’m about to look up strip clubs in New York city, my thoughts catch up with me again. Nobody said he’s still in New York, maybe the foster system send him somewhere else. Bill in his blog, nor the guy in the review, said anything about that. Shit!

Quickly I return to Bill’s blog, take another close look on his profile. There is a little intro section, which I must have looked past the first time I was here. Because right in the first line, it says: ‘Hi, I’m Bill, 14 years old and I life with my foster parents in Brooklyn.’

See! Brooklyn. That means there’s a huge change he went looking for a job in New York. I sigh relieved and revisit my search for strip clubs in New York. Again it doesn’t come to actualy opening a link. This time it’s because Bethany pops into my head. Let’s face it, she’s a prostitute too! For all I know, she knows Bill or has seen him somewhere. I have to call her!

I jump off the couch to get my phone which I put on the dinner table when I got home. I unlock it and send Bethany a text:

“Beth, call me as soon as you can! Urgent!”

‘Beth, come on, come on, come on!’, I murmur as I pace back and forth in my living room. Too high on adrenaline to find the rest to sit down. The adrenaline also causes me to get another heart attack when my phone finally starts to vibrate. It’s Bethany.

‘Bethany, thank god!’, I breath out.

‘What’s going on?’, she sounds worried.

‘No, don’t worry. Nothing’s wrong. It’s just, there is a case I need to solve, and maybe you could help me with that. Does the name Bill, mean anything to you?’, I ask.

‘Yes.’, she starts laughing, ‘My best friend’s name is Bill. What did he do?’

‘Just your best friend?’

‘No, he’s part of the family too.’

Family, that’s what they call each other over there. Because most of the people out there don’t have anyone else anymore, so they’re each other’s family.

‘Bill Kaulitz?’

‘Yes, why?’, she sounds worried again, ‘Seriously, what about him?’

‘I’m looking for him, I can’t tell you why. But don’t worry, he didn’t kill somebody or anything like that. I can only tell you, you are a huge help to me right now. And please don’t tell him I asked you about him, before I talked to him myself. Please, Beth.’

‘You’re being so weird right now.’

‘I know, I know. But promise me, please?’, I beg.

‘Yeah, okay, fine. I won’t tell him. Was that all?’

‘No, just one more thing. Do you have Mike’s phone number?’, I ask.

‘Of course I do.’

‘Could you send it to me?’

‘Fine.’

‘Please don’t be mad, I swear I’ll explain everything to you as soon as I solved things. You have to understand I can’t do that now. But I will, okay? Soon, I promise.’, I tell her.

‘Okay.’, her voice sounds a little nicer now.

‘Bye.’, I say.

‘Bye.’, she replies and then hangs up.

Not even a minute later, I receive a text massage from my niece, with Mike’s phone number in it. Mike is her boss.

Finally I find the peace to sit back down on the couch again. Before I call Mike, I first think about what I’m going to tell him. I know I don’t want to tell him why I’m looking for Bill as well, I just don’t want anybody to scare him off an maybe cause him to run. Maybe it’s best to not to tell Mike, I’m looking for him at all, maybe I shouldn’t even mention my name.

Quickly I go online to search for a fake name I can use on the phone. Mike saw me 5 years ago, I don’t think he will remember my voice. I don’t sound much like Bethany either, so that’s a huge win. As soon as I scored a fake name, Kylie Fields, I dial Mike’s number.

Mike picks up very quickly and I tell him I heard a friend of mine about Bill and I heard that he was working for Mike. I tell him I also heard Bill is very good at what he does and that I am dying to try out his qualities once and that I’m hoping Mike is going to tell me where I can find Bill tomorrow night.

Mike is very helpful and tells me that unfortunately Bill is sick right now and is in bed with a high fever, but he also tells me Bill recovers pretty quickly most of the time, so he is probably back and working tomorrow night.

When I ask again where I can find him, Mike tells me he’s working in a strip club called Foxxies. His shift will start at eight and Mike advises me to get there around that time, because when I go in much later, there is a big chance someone else already got a hold of Bill. Also Mike promises to text me tomorrow afternoon whether Bill is going to work or not. With a satisfied feeling, I crawl into bed that night.

It’s the next day around seven thirty, when I find myself inside Starbucks, with a hot cup of coffee in front of me on the table. When I look across the street, I can already see Foxxies.

I called Tom this afternoon, after Mike texted me Bill was up and running again, to tell him I pretty much figured is all out and wanted to meet up with him to tell him everything, and take him to see Bill. I believe to Tom I just said “your brother” instead of Bill.

When Tom walks in, he first gets himself a cup of coffee and then walks over to the table where I’m sitting.

‘So, you know where my brother is?’, is the first thing he says, as he sits down in front of me.

‘Hello to you too.’, I laugh.

‘Sorry, hi.’, I could swear he blushes a little.

‘To answer your question, yeah, I do know where he is. Do you first want me to tell you everything or should I just take you to him?’

I can see Tom needs to think about this one, but eventually he says: ‘I think I don’t want to know anything, I just need to see him. See if he’s doing alright.’

‘Alright then, let’s do that.’

We both finish our coffee in silence and then we get up. Tom is clearly very nervous, and if you would see him like this and wouldn’t know better, you definitely wouldn’t think this guy is a lawyer. Not just a lawyer, but a damn good one.

‘Okay, you know what? Just tell me.’, he says, just seconds before we’re about to enter Foxxies.

‘One of the first things I found out is that your mother was right, Jesse’s foster parents changed his name. They changed it to Bill, Bill Kaulitz. I think he ran away from home at the age of sixteen or seventeen and he started to work in prostitution. This right here is a strip club where he’s working tonight.’

‘I… I’m sorry. I can’t do this.’, Tom murmurs, he just froze as soon as I mentioned Bill.

‘Yeah, you do. I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but you need to come inside with me. It could be good for you to see him with your own eyes. See that he’s alive and maybe he’s just fine. Maybe when you see him, you can decide for yourself what you want to do with this. If you would like to get in touch, or if it’s enough for you to know that he’s still alive and well. That’s what you wanted, right?’, I briefly put my hand on his arm.

‘I just learnt about this yesterday.’, he sounds utterly confused.

‘I know, but you need to do this now. Maybe tomorrow he’ll work somewhere else, and I don’t know if my sources are going to believe me again when I tell them I just want the experience once. It could be now or never, Tom, don’t let this get away. It’s not like you have to talk to him, but then you at least saw him.’

‘Alright, let’s go in.’

I nod and open the door where the first thing we see is a security guard who asks us for our ID’s. We show him those and he lets us in. We walk into the club where it’s not very crowded yet, but just crowded enough for the place to be amusing.

It doesn’t take me very long to spot Bill, he’s on the other end of the club, probably trying to seduce some guy he’s talking to, given the seducing look on his face. I look up to Tom and make a head motion towards Bill. I can see eyes slide across the room and as soon as he spots Bill as well, he freezes again.

‘Are you okay?’, I ask.

‘No, I… I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want to do this right now. I… I can’t. I’m sorry, I have to go. Thanks for everything, I will… I will send you the amount of money we agreed on. ’, he stutters and right after that, he turns around and walks out of the club.

Instead of chasing after him, I decide I am going to take my chances. I walk over to the bar and order a drink, Bill is just a few meters away from me now, with his back turned to me. Perfect. When I got my drink I take the last couple of steps towards him and clear my throat.

‘Bill Kaulitz?’, I ask.

He turns around immediately and smiles.

‘Hi.’, he says


	5. Bill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should add a warning here. In this chapter there will be some emotional torture and mention of rape. Hope I won't scare you guys off (= Oh and ps. I would LOVE to hear what you guys think so far!

Remember that TV show that was on a couple of years ago, called “As the world turns”? Well, it does right now, right in front of my eyes. Fun part is, I don’t think it’s going to stop anytime soon, I don’t think any of this is.

For I don’t know how long now, things are going downhill. First with me personally, then in business and right now, for the last couple of days, I can’t stop puking. It doesn’t matter what I do, what I take, or how much I rest, it just won’t stop.

My thoughts are being interrupted by a set of firm knocks on the door. It could only mean one thing, Mike is here. We agreed that he would come see me, to decide whether or not I’m going to work tonight. To me it’s pretty clear that it won’t be a good idea, but I highly doubt him being on the same page with me on that. And at the end of the day, it’s him I have to listen to.

I get up from my bed and shuffle in the direction of my front door, the whole time I’m focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, without ending up with my face against the ground. Somehow I manage and open the door.

‘Holy shit, you look like hell.’, is the first thing Mike says when he sees me.

‘Always a pleasure to see you too.’, I reply sarcastically. 

‘Can I come in?’

‘Sure.’, I take a step back, so he can walk past me and then shut the door behind us.

‘Listen, Mike, I can’t…’, I start.

‘You are going to work tonight.’, he interrupts me.

‘What?!’

‘You are going to work tonight. In an hour, a taxi will be downstairs to take you to Foxxies. Bethany couldn’t take over for you tonight and everyone else is out again. And there is something else, some lady called me, she heard a lot of good things about you and wanted to see for herself. So, you’re going.’

‘Are you fucking kidding me? I thought you said we would talk about this, not that you would take some kind of decision for me, before even asking how I’m doing! I’ve been up all night, puking my guts out. Today wasn’t much better, when I’m not sleeping, I’m puking. Do you realy think it will be a good idea to send me out to work tonight? What if I puke over a client? Are you going to pay for the lawsuit Foxxies will have on their asses when that happens?!’, I snap.

‘Didn’t you hear what I just said? Someone called for you! You want business to be better for you, right? Then you just have to answer to calls like this. Maybe that lady will tell her friends about you and bam, that’s where the magic happens. And if you puke over someone, I won’t pay for anything, you will.’

‘You fucking asshole.’, I mumble.

‘What did you say?’, he asks as he takes a step closer to me.

‘I said you’re a fucking asshole.’

Mike’s face immediately turns bright red with anger as he takes both my upper arms and squeezes them painfully. I try to push him of off me, but when I move my arms, it hurts even more, so I give that up pretty quickly.

‘You better remember I’m the one who has been taking care of you the last ten years of your life. Out there nobody gives a fuck about you and you damn well know that! You really want to act like that’s not true? Fine, take your stuff and get the hell out. Find out for yourself that all that the rest of your life will be is a series of rapes and beatings by fellow homeless guys. But for the time you’re still here, we’re playing by my rules, get that?’

‘I can’t go to work, Mike. I’m sick!’, I try one last time as tears fill my eyes.

Mike doesn’t respond to that at all and throws me back on my bed. For a second I’m scared he’s going to rape me. If you could see his face right now, you’d understand that. So imagine my relief when he turns around and walks in the direction of my front door.

‘Downstairs in an hour, if not, I’ll be back and I won’t be nice to you anymore. Do you understand?’, he says as he opens the door.

Normally I would give him a comment back about not being nice to me already, but I’m too scared to do that this time, so I just nod. When I did that, Mike walks out of my apartment and slams the door shut behind him.

I know I’ve always told people Mike was a nice and decent guy and that he wasn’t at all like people would think he’d be. But that was just what I always thought when things were good, when business was going great for me. Now that things aren’t that great anymore, I learnt who Mike really is. If he would’ve raped me today, it wouldn’t have been the first time, all I’m saying.

He raped Bethany a couple of times too. Things for her even got so bad that she wanted to kill herself at some point. I convinced her to go talk to one of her family members, who she talks to regularly and give him or her some lame excuse for why she needed some money. Bethany doesn’t want to tell me much about that family member, but she did tell me he or she has a good filled bank account.

Bethany took my advice and got two months of rent and the money she owed Mike up to that point. With the money she had left, she bought herself some new clothes and that seemed to be just what she needed. Because since that day, things got good to her again and Mike went back to being the person everyone here beliefs him to be, at first.

I pick up my phone and send Bethany a text:

_‘So my choices for tonight are to go to work and risk the fact of puking all over one of my clients, or I can wait to get violently raped by Mike between now and 60 minutes. Sometimes I just wish there was some way out of here for me, but Mike is right, no one gives a damn.’_

Within just a few seconds, a reply appears on my screen:

_‘I’m so sorry, baby.’_

I sigh and put my phone back on my bed. I better stop the feeling sorry for myself thing, and get started on getting ready. Again a fair amount of my strength is needed to get myself off of my bed and get up. When I succeeded once again, I take my clothes off and walk into the bathroom to take a shower.

I sing to myself the whole time I’m under the shower and even when I start to put my make-up and clothes on. Usually it helps to relax me and calm my thoughts down, but this time it doesn’t, which is even more frustrating.  

My last hope is set on a few lines of coke and two of my little white friends. The only two things that managed to make me feel just a little bit better these last few days. I don’t know if they’re also still able to get me through a work night now that my body is so exhausted. I’ll just have to wait and see.

After my usual round of checking myself out in the mirror multiple times and checking my bag to see if everything is in it, I sit down on my bed. I have to admit that the combination of a shower and the drugs, make me feel less vulnerable, but it’s still not like everything’s fine.

When my phone suddenly starts to vibrate on the matrass next to me, and I see Mike’s name appear on the screen, a shot of panic runs through me. Why is he calling me? Unfortunately I have no choice, but to pick up.

‘Hi.’, I manage to get out.

‘Are you done getting ready?’, he asks.

‘Yeah, waiting for my taxi. Why?’

‘It’s here already. Could you come down?’

‘I will.’

Mike doesn’t say anything back, he just hangs up the phone. Well, that was weird. He never calls when a taxi arrives. The driver always calls us himself. O shit, Mike isn’t going to take me there himself to make sure I get there, is he? Or come with me to gather reasons to rape me after I’m done working. Shit, shit, shit!

My fear only grows bigger when I get downstairs and see Mike is waiting for me in the lobby. I try not to make eye contact with him and try to just keep walking. When I reach him, he starts to walk along side of me, so we walk out of the building together. He reaches the cab first and opens the door for me.

Right before I get into the cab, he grabs my arm again and speaks to me in a soft voice.

‘500 will be enough for tonight, as soon as you gathered that, you call me and I’ll get you a cab home.’

‘Thanks.’, I also decide to keep my voice down and dive into the car as soon as Mike lets go of my arm. A sigh of relief glides over my lips, as soon as Mike shut the car door and starts to walk in the direction of the apartment building again.

The ride over to Foxxies isn’t a very long one, in just 15 minutes, I find myself in front of the strip club. I walk inside where the security guard greets me with a polite smile. I try to smile back and I try to mean it. This one is one of the nice guys, who don’t try to get in your pants after hours for free “because they protected you all night”.

I walk up to the bar where I find Nick, the bartender. He’s a good guy as well and sort of became a friend of mine. That’s the reason he gives me a firm hug.

‘So, back on the horse again?’, he asks.

‘Yeah, I kind of had to, nobody was there to fill in for me and apparently someone asked for me. A girl this time, I really wonder what kind of friends she has to have heard about me.’

‘Me too, but anyway, that’s good right? I mean, you could use people that are asking for you and talk about you in a good way, don’t you?’

‘True.’, I admit, ‘Hey, do you know who else will be here tonight?’

‘I do, first of all Stacey is back from her trip to Europe, tonight will be her first night back and Mike told me he was going to send Michelle over.’

A happy feeling starts to rush through my veins as soon as I hear Nick say those names. I’ve missed Stacey like hell and Michelle isn’t bad to be around either. Maybe tonight isn’t going to be that bad after all.

‘Can I get you anything?’, Nick asks.

‘Yeah, maybe some water.’, I answer.

‘Water?! Dude, what is wrong with you?’

‘I wish I knew.’, I murmur.

‘What?’

‘Nothing, just get me water.’

Nick keeps staring at me for a few minutes with a big frown on his face, before he shrugs and decides to let it rest. He takes a glass out of the closet behind him and starts filling it with water. When he hands it to me, the questioning look on his face, still isn’t gone entirely. Luckily for me, distraction walks in, it’s Stacey.

‘Hello beauties, did you miss me?’, her voice echoes through the empty club.

I turn around and catch her when she jumps into my arms. I hug her tightly and just hold on to her for some time, before putting her back on the ground.

‘I missed you so much! Tell me everything.’, I say.

‘Wish I could, babe, but I have to change quickly and I think Nick is about to open up.’, she answers and walks up to Nick to hug him to, ‘Are you?’

‘I am.’, Nick confirms and smiles at her.

After they let go of each other, they both walk into a different direction. Stacey walks over to the dressing rooms, while Nick is off to tell the security guard that he can start letting people in. I quickly dump my bag behind the bar and try to strike a pose that is as welcoming as possible.

Within no time after Nick is back behind the bar and Stacey is downstairs, people start to fill up the club. It also doesn’t take long for me to get someone’s attention. This time it’s a man around his thirties, telling me how sexy he thinks I am and making some comments on Stacey’s performance on stage.

I have to admit he’s good looking, but the ring around his finger, has him to make a complete fool of himself. Also the ring disgusts me a little. Look, I know most guys who fucked me over the years were married or in a relationship. But most of them were smart enough to take off their ring. I don’t like to be plan B, so just lose the ring.

‘Bill Kaulitz?’, I suddenly hear behind me.

At first, I’m a little confused about someone calling me by my full name, but then the fact that I’m hearing a woman’s voice, gets through to me. This must be her, my special guest! Alright, Billy, game face on and go!

‘Hi.’, I turn around to face my special someone and smile.

‘Hi, how are you? I’m Heather. I called your boss to see if I could have a little time with you. I heard a lot of good things about you, you know? And I… I wanted to see for myself. Could we uhm, go somewhere?’

The girl in front of me seems really nervous, though she apparently isn’t planning on wasting any time on this one. I like that. I also like it because quality time means that when things go well, I could get my 500 all at once. With the smile still on my face, I take a step closer to her and place my hand on her lower back.

‘Sure we can, sweetie. Walk with me.’, I tell her and together we start to walk into the direction of the VIP room, of course after I quickly got my bag from behind the bar.

‘What can I do for you?’, I ask as soon as we’re in the VIP room and the door is locked.

‘Well, first I want to know how much half an hour of your time will cost me.’, she reaches into her bag and gets her wallet out. Suddenly she seems a lot more confident.

‘Depends on what you want to do.’

‘Let me ask my question a little differently, how much money do you make in half an hour, with a good paying customer who wants to do it all?’, she continues.

‘About two, three hundred.’, I realy start to get confused here.

‘Fine.’, she says and hands me three hundred dollars, ‘I want to talk to you.’

‘I don’t do talking.’

‘I hope you will when I explain to you why I’m here. Don’t worry, you can keep the money anyway.’

‘Okay, tell me.’, I put the money in my bag and sit down on the couch.

Heather walks over to me and sits down on the couch as well. From her bag she gets some papers and a notepad. What the flying fuck is this?!

‘As I already told you, my name is Heather and I’m a private investigator. Again, don’t be scared or anything, I’m not here to tell you you’re being wanted for some murder case or something, it’s nothing like that. Your twin brother send me to look for you, to see how you were doing.’

‘My what?!’, my eyes widen.

For a second I can’t breath and I could swear my heart skips multiple beats. My brother, no wait, twin brother hired someone to go looking for me?! Who could that be? How does he know about me? Who is he anyway? My mind is racing, what is happening? Seriously!

‘Your twin brother, I take it you didn’t know anything about him as well?’

‘I… I didn’t. What do you mean by as well?’, I ask.

‘He didn’t know you existed until yesterday morning. Your biological mother died a few weeks ago and left him a letter telling him about you. He hired me to find out where you were and against all expectations, that wasn’t so hard. Weren’t you wondering how I know your full name?’

‘To be honest, no, not really. Some guy apparently saw my ID a few years ago and mentioned my name online. Since that day, it happens to me more often that people are trying to get my attention by using my full name.’

‘So you knew about that?’

‘About what?’

‘About that guy who rated you on some kind of porn review site?’

‘I did, why? What does that have to do with my brother?’, I’m confused again.

‘Nothing, I just wouldn’t like being rated on some sort of cheap ass website by some random guy.’

‘Let me tell you a little something…. Heather, was it?’, the girl next to me nods, ‘I don’t give a rats ass about what they say about me.’

‘Fair enough.’, Heather murmurs and quickly looks down on her notepad.

‘Oh no, sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m just…’, I stutter.

‘It’s a lot to take in, I get it. You don’t need to apologize.’, she looks up at me again and smiles this time.

It’s not just that, my dear Heather. It’s just that your little surprise back there, has made my stomach twist and turn again and I now feel like I could throw up any second. Next to that, the drugs fucked my head up, so I don’t know how I feel or what I think. I’m numbed, but hypersensitive at the same time. So much fun! But no need to tell you that, right?

‘So, how are you?’, she asks after a short silence in which I lit up a cigarette to try and calm down my system.

‘Fine, actualy.’, I lie, ‘But enough about me. Tell me about my brother, what’s his name, what does he do?’

‘His name is Tom Trumper, he’s the CEO of…’

‘Trumper’s Lawyers.’, I nearly whisper it.

‘You know him?’

‘I do, yeah, shit…’

‘What’s wrong?’, Heather’s polite smile washes of her face and makes place for a concerned look.

‘Well sometimes we do business parties, to spice the thing up a little. Tom hired me and three others to take care of his visitors on one of his annual events. So I went there. I was baked as fuck, Tom was baked as fuck and we met. He rejected me at first, but not even an hour later, he dragged me to his office, threw me over his desk and fucked my brains out. I remember up to this day how abnormally safe I felt with him, now I guess I know why…’

‘Oh, shit…’, Heather breaths out.

‘Yeah, that.’

‘Now I know why he ran out as soon as he saw you, why he reacted the way he did when I mentioned your name.’

‘He ran out? Was he here?’, I stare at Heather with wide eyes.

Heather nods.

‘Coward.’, is all I manage to say. I put my fence up immediately, like I always do in this kind of situations. But inside, my heart never hurt as much as it does now. I had sex with my own brother and now he never wants to see me again. I disgusted him.

‘Could you tell me a little more about that night?’, she asks.

‘Why would I? Apparently he already made his choice and that’s fine. I don’t need him anyway.’

‘You do, Bill.’

‘How the hell do you know that? I’m fine, okay? I told you! You read a couple of things about me and now you think you know everything about me. You think you know me and you think you know what I need. Let me tell you this, you don’t. Now get the fuck out and leave me alone, don’t ever bother me with this shit again. Do you understand?’, I snap.

‘Okay, fine.’, she doesn’t move for a couple of seconds, as if she expects me to apologize again, but I won’t. As soon as that becomes clear to her, she starts to put her stuff back in her bag and stands up.

‘Call me if you change your mind.’, she hands me her business card, but I don’t take it from her, ‘Come on, Bill, please.’

‘Just go.’

I hear her sigh and after another short period of staring at me, she turns around and leaves the room. I decide to smoke another cigarette before following her lead. I need to find Stacey to see if she has some coke for me, mine is almost out and I can’t work like this for the rest of the night. But before I walk over to Stacey, I get myself a drink. I don’t care about the fact that I’ll probably be puking all night again.

When Nick sees me standing at the bar, he walks over to me with a playful grin on his face.

‘That was fast.’, he says.

‘I know. She knew what she wanted and I knew how to give it to her. She didn’t want any of her money back, because she payed for more time then she got, so score!’, I try to grin back.

‘Nice! What can I get you?’

‘Martini please, make it a strong one.’

‘See, there you are!’, he pets me on the shoulder and starts to gather stuff to make me a Martini.

As soon as he’s finished, he hands it over to me and walks over to his next customer. The club is pretty crowded today, probably all are here to see Stacey again. She’s been gone for a long time and everybody is in love with her. Also Michelle, who must have come in when I was with Heather, is an eye catcher to many. I would be too, if I would try harder, but somehow my energy to do that is just gone and it’s starting to seem more and more like it will not come back.

After just a few zips of Martini, I know I shouldn’t have done this. My stomach immediately starts to freak out again and within no time, I’m ready to throw up for the millionth time. I put my drink down and try to walk over to the bathroom as casual as possible. When I enter, I hear moaning coming from one of the stalls. I’m very sorry for them lovebirds, but I won’t make it outside anymore.

I run into one of the other stalls and sink down on my knees. It only takes seconds before everything I managed to hold in today, comes out. It hurts like hell and as much as I try to not make any noise, I can’t hold in a painful moan. Immediately the moaning next to me stops and I hear someone opening the door. I didn’t really have time to close the door behind me, so I’m in plain sight.

‘Bill? O my god.’, the worried voice of Michelle behind me, ‘Shit, baby, are you okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine.’

‘No, you’re not. I’m calling Mike, you’re going home, now.’, she says and in the corner of my eye I see her reaching for her phone.

‘No!’, I grab her wrist, to stop her from doing what she was about to do, ‘No, you can’t call him. I need to stay.’

‘Why?’

‘I need to make 500 dollars tonight before I’m allowed to go home. You know that things are shit for me the last few months, Mike is going to lose it if I fuck up tonight again. We all know what happened to Bethany when she screwed up too often, I don’t want the same thing to happen to me.’

I can nearly hold in a sigh of relief when I see her nod and she sinks down on her knees next to me. The guy she was pleasuring before, walks out of the bedroom as soon as he gets that he won’t get more anytime soon.

‘How much do you need?’, Michelle asks.

‘Too much.’

‘Tell me.’

‘Two hundred.’, I sigh and again I grab her wrist, when I see her reach for her purse, ‘No, don’t. I won’t be able to pay you back.’

‘I don’t care, honey, you would do the same for me. I saw how you took care of Bethany when she needed you. You deserve someone to do that for you right now, you can’t work like this. It’s inhuman.’

Michelle strokes my arm and I can feel tears coming up for the second time tonight, but I am not going to cry. I don’t cry, ever.

‘Okay, fine. Thanks love.’, I smile at her and plant a kiss on her cheek after she handed me two hundred dollars.

‘Now go.’, she says.

I nod and let her help me get back up. After that I follow her to the bar and tell Nick to order me a taxi. Before I know it, I’m in a cab by myself and that’s when things start to hit me again. I think about Tom and about how grossed out he must be. I let him down as well and right now it feels like all I’m good at.

_‘Are you home yet?’_ , I text to Bethany, who was “on call” tonight, if you know what I mean. Most of the time when you have those shifts, you’re home early.

_‘I am, I already claimed your bed and I wanted to surprise you, but you caught me. Want to cuddle and watch lame movies?’_

_‘They found my biological brother, Beth. He knows what I do and ran off as soon as he saw me. I disgusted the one person who might care about me. So yeah, bring in those cuddles, all of them please! I’ll be up in a second.’_

I send the text right before I get out of my cab. I pay the cabdriver and get inside the apartment building. I decide not to let Mike know I’m home already, I just don’t want to see his face. It will be far and far too much right now.

As soon as I get into my apartment, Bethany is there waiting for me. She stands up from my bed and walks up to me. She wraps her arms around me tightly and whispers something like; ‘My poor baby.’ I burry my face in her neck and for the first time in ages, I cry.


	6. Tom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of violence and rape

‘Tom, hey man, are you ready to go in?’, Ben’s face appears in front of mine.

‘Sure, yeah.’, I nod and get up.

It’s been four weeks since I found out about Bill and the connection we share, but given the confusion I still feel about it all, it feels like yesterday. After I ran out of that strip club, I believe I locked myself in my apartment for at least four days. It was Andreas who first started to worry and just showed up at my doorstep one day.

Normally I send him at least one text every day to check in on him, kind of a habit I guess, but those few days, I didn’t even do that. I simply didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. Especially not Heather or Ben.

Heather had tried to call me the same night we went to see Bill. Later on, when I started to answer my phone and massages again, I learnt she wanted to tell me she talked to Bill after I left. It had all seemed to work out pretty well, until she suggested he and I should meet up once. At that point, according to her, he went nuts on her and told her to get the fuck out.

After that night she went back to Foxxies a couple of times to try and keep an eye on Bill, but she told me he hasn’t been seen there anymore. People who worked there couldn’t tell her anything either. Long story short, Bill has gone off the radar, and all Heather’s attempts to find him again up till now, have failed.

In this last few weeks, since I started to talk to Heather again, I really started to like her, by the way. At first I was a little pissed she took faith into her own hands and went talking to Bill, without me asking her to do that. But now I know she was really trying to help me, and she still hasn’t stopped trying it. She even called a family member of hers who apparently is friends with Bill, to find out more. But she couldn’t or didn’t want to tell us anything either.

I still don’t know how I feel about the whole Bill thing, about what happened between us two years ago. I still don’t know whether or not I can handle it to ever get in touch with him, I just know I’m worried as hell about him. When I saw him at Foxxies that night, he looked like he could drop dead any second. Maybe I don’t want him in my life, but I do want him to be okay. And the fact that nobody can tell us how he’s doing right now, isn’t really helping with the sleepless nights I’ve been having.

As for Ben, I talked to him too. I told him what I found out and I told him what state Bill was in. When I did, he finally admitted he should have told me and should have gone behind my mother’s back, if he had to. It kind of brought down the anger I felt towards him, but I still can’t forgive him and I told him that. So now we agreed we would continue to work together and help each other out on work matters, but the usual beer we had on Friday, is never coming back.

Tonight is one of those nights I asked for Ben’s help. We kind of have a complicated case on our hands. It’s about Mr. Davis who is being charged for raping and murdering his youngest daughter. They had been known for not having such a good relationship.

His daughter Macey, got out of the house as soon as she turned eighteen. And every time she returned home to visit her parents, things heated up between her and her dad. Neighbors had heard that and pointed at Mr. Davis, as soon as they found out Macey was dead. Especially because the body was found at the Davis property and some fighting was heard the night before.

We found out there are a lot of holes in the story of the defense. For example they told the judge that Mr. Davis’s DNA was found on the body and even a few drips of his blood, but what they didn’t add, is that the sperm found inside of Macy’s body, didn’t match Mr. Davis’s profile.

For starters, actual sperm cells were found in it, which would have been impossible for Mr. Davis who had his strings cut years ago. But when we tried to confront the defense with what we found out, by showing them the report that showed the results, they came up with some sort of lame excuse.

You know, here in the United states, when a person with high credibility and much power accuses you of something, you’re basicly fucked already. And that’s why cases like this one are so hard, it’s like trying to move a mountain. So that’s why I need Ben, to back me up and help me come up with something I could use to win this. But so far, nothing really worked. We’re still at the losing end of the line.

Tonight the defense is planning on calling Mrs. Davis to the stand. We tried to prepare her for it as best as we could, but still she’s shaking over her whole body when she walks up to the stand. Her voice trembles when she takes the oath to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

‘Please sit down, Mrs. Davis.’, the defense lawyer starts.

The clerk in the corner of the room starts typing along. Apart from that and the buzzing of the air-conditioning, no sounds is made for a couple of seconds.

‘You are married to Mr. Davis for a very long time, correct?’, he continues.

‘Yes.’, is all Mrs. Davis says.

‘How long?’

’35 years, sir.’

‘Where were you the night they found your daughter?’

‘Home. I was on the couch reading a book and Harry was watching a Lacrosse game.’

‘Please, Mrs. Davis, try to keep your answers short and relevant.’

‘Sorry.’, Mrs. Davis murmurs.

‘A witness told us they saw you leave in your car that night, police had to call you on your cellphone to inform you about your daughter because you weren’t home. So I’m going to ask you again, where were you the night they found Macey?’

‘Objection!’, I yell and stand up.

‘Go ahead.’, the judge looks at me and nods.

‘The statement that was just made, isn’t confirmed by the police officers working that night. It can’t be used as evidence.’, I continue.

The judge looks down on Mr. Davis’s file to check if I’m right or not. When she finds out I am, she looks back up at me and says: ‘I’ll allow it.’

For the next thirty minutes, the defense lawyer keeps overloading Mrs. Davis with questions to try and prove the ridiculous story he and his colleagues made up. Of course I jumped up more than once to object, but it didn’t seem to help much. After a two hour court meeting, we’re still on the losing end of the line and I start to lose hope on winning this more and more.

‘So what now?’, Ben asks me, when we walk out of the courtroom again.

‘I don’t know, I really don’t.’, I sigh and rub my face with both my hands.

‘There has to be a way to let the judge and jury know those guys keep on coming up with bullshit. If we lose this one, Mr. Davis will end up behind bars for the rest of his life. We just can’t let that happen.’, I can hear Ben is just about as frustrated as I am.

‘I’ve been trying everything to figure out what they might hold against him, Ben, everything! But there is no criminal record at all, no unpaid bills, not even records of noise disturbance. So there has to be someone who’s trying to ruin his life for whatever reason and that same person might be responsible for the murder. But as long as we can’t find him or her, and he or she continues to play such a clever game, there is no way we will win this thing.’

‘Did you talk to Heather already?’

‘Yeah, but she says she can’t help us with this. To find out who’s been providing the police with wrongful information, you have to hack into their system, and she says she can’t do that. She is, however, asking around at work to find someone who might be able to.’

‘Will that work?’, Ben looks at me hesitantly, ‘I mean, hacking into a police computer can’t be legal.’

‘Unless I convince the judge that we need this to prove what really happened. If we don’t do this and we’re right, it means some police officer is playing a dirty game here and can just go along with it in the future. That way a lot of other are in danger of getting victimized by it. It would benefit a lot of people if we clear this shit out right now.’

‘Sounds like you do have a plan.’, Ben says.

‘More like a last hope.’, I sigh.

Ben nods and we walk outside in silence. We smoke a cigarette together, but again don’t say much. As I said, other than work related stuff, there’s not much more I want to say to him. Apparently he feels the same way.

‘So, can you get back in and try to make an appointment with the judge? I need to get back to the office right now, fix a couple of things.’, I say after I finished my cigarette.

‘But it’s nine already! Can’t those things wait till morning?’

‘No, that’s the thing, if they could I would’ve gone home. Can you make that appointment?’

‘On it.’, Ben smiles at me.

‘Great, thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.’, I can’t bring myself to smile back, but I do return his little wave before he turns around and walks back into the building.

I walk towards my car and before I even reached it, I have decided I won’t go back to the office. My day has been long enough as it is and I’m tired as hell. I can’t wait to shower and drop on my soft matrass. It will just mean I have to get to the office tomorrow an hour earlier as planned, but I think I can live with that.

Just after a few minute on the road, my phone shows me an incoming call from Heather. I quickly plug it into the hands-free system of my car, and pick up. Every time she calls me, a spark of hope lights inside me that she might have found Bill.

‘Hey.’, I start.

‘Hey, sorry for calling you so late, but I’m still at my office and a colleague just approached me. He heard I was looking for someone who could hack into a system, he tells me he can do it. When I asked him to give me a couple of examples of what he had done, he told me some stuff. I can’t get into details, but I hope you trust me when I say I too think he’s the guy for the job. Did you get permission already?’

‘I do trust you and no, I didn’t get permission yet. Ben is on it right now to get me an appointment with the judge. I’m glad I can tell her I also found a guy already. Can give me his number? So I can at least give the judge a name?’, I ask.

With all that is in me, I try to hide my disappointment that she didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear. Of course I’m glad she got me a guy to do the job, but I would’ve been happier if she just told me she found Bill and everything’s fine.

‘I’m sorry I still don’t have any news on Bill.’, Heather says, just like she heard me thinking.

‘Was I that obvious?’, I chuckle.

‘No, not at all, I just know you worry about him.’

‘I do, now that I know that he’s my brother and things only got downhill further in the last two years, I feel responsible for him. I feel like I need to protect him, but how can I protect him when I don’t even know where he is? How can I protect him when my thoughts and feelings are constantly playing games with me?’

‘I think it’s more like, you need to accept the things you feel.’, Heather says after a short silence, clearly looking for the right words.

‘What do you mean?’, I ask.

‘I think deep down, you made up your mind the second you heard about Bill’s existence. You want him to be okay, you want him to be happy and healthy. You want him in your life, Tom and you want to take care of him. Just stop thinking that’s a weird thing because you don’t even know the guy. If you were given a choice all those years ago, you wouldn’t let this happen at all, none of it. Stop blaming yourself for this and stop hiding behind that guilt by saying you’re not sure if you want him as part of your life, cause you do. If you really didn’t, or really wouldn’t be sure, you wouldn’t worry this much.’

I’m lost for words for a couple of seconds, since everything Heather just said is true. I do feel guilty, and that’s probably why I’m scared to let him in.

‘I just don’t know how to do this…’, I sigh.

‘Let me help you.’, Heather’s soft voice sooths me.

‘Do you tell all of your clients that?’, I joke.

‘I don’t, but I believe after all the conversations we’ve had over the last few weeks, you’re not a client anymore. You made me like you, and when I like someone, wanting to take care of them comes with the package. If you can’t deal with that, run away now.’, she laughs.

‘I won’t, because I agree with you and I like you too.’

A huge smile appears on my face and a unknown warm feeling fills up my whole body when I hear her giggle softly. Wait, are we flirting? Am I... falling in love with her?

‘So, do you want to meet me for a drink when you finished stuff at your office?’

Why not try, right?

‘I can’t, I’m sorry. My niece is coming over for movie night, she’s worried sick about Bill as well and needs me to take her mind off of it for a while. Can’t ditch on that, sorry. But tomorrow night could work?’, she offers.

‘Don’t worry about it, tomorrow night is fine.’, again a smile appears on my face.

‘Alright, well, have to go now. Finish up the last things and then get the hell home. I’ll text you the name and phone number of my guy, and I’ll see you tomorrow night. Will you text me where and what time? I believe it was your turn to pick a spot.’

‘It is, so I’ll let you know. And thanks again for helping me out. If you ever need a lawyer someday, I owe you one. See you tomorrow!’

‘Bye Tom.’, is all she says, but again with a little giggle, and then she hangs up.

Poor niece, I can’t even begin to imagine what she must be going through right now. She was used to seeing Bill every day. And according to what I heard from Heather, those two were pretty close. Almost like brother and sister. And now he’s just gone, without anyone knowing if he’s even alive or not. It must be horrible for her.

I sigh when I have to hit the breaks for like the millionth time, it’s like the whole city decided to take my route all together, just to waste my time. It annoys the shit out of me. On the sidewalk next to me, people are moving faster than I do right now.

Just as I’m looking over to them, for no reason actually, I can see how someone barely manages to keep himself up against the wall, while he pukes his guts out. People around him just ignore him and some of them give him a disgusted look. I look away as well for a second, I’ve enjoyed nicer views in my life than someone standing next to a puddle of his own puke. I look back at the guy again, when I see him struggle to stand upright again. When he finally managed, he turns his head my way  so I can see his face and my heart just stops. It’s Bill.

‘Oh god.’, I whisper breathlessly and I can literary feel my heart ache as I see him standing there. Even from here, I can see how he’s trembling over his whole body. His clothes are ripped apart, like someone tried to get them off of him by force and he’s got scratches and bruises all over the place. On his face, there’s a mixture of dried up blood, dried up tears and fresh ones. What the hell happened?!

I get out of the line I’m in and park my car as soon as I can. I know I’m not allowed to park my car next to the sidewalk, only cabs are allowed to do that, but in this moment, I really don’t give a shit. I rush out of my car and run over to Bill, who just lost power in his legs and dropped down to the floor, nearly missing the puddle of nastiness.

‘Bill?’, I kneel down in front of him and hand him a bottle of water I took with me from my car.

‘Hi… thanks.’, his voice sounds hoarsely, like he just screamed for hours. He takes the water from me and takes a few zips. Not daring to look up at me.

‘What…’, I start.

‘Nothing.’, he interrupts me, ‘I’m fine, it’s nothing.’

‘No you’re not, and no it’s not. Someone hurt you, who did this? One of your clients? Did you let them to get extra money?’

‘Of course not! How stupid do you think I am?!’, he tries to yell, but because of his broken voice it sounds more like squeaking. For a moment I have to try very hard not to laugh.

‘Then who the hell did this to you, Bill?’, I raise my voice as well.

‘I’m not telling you.’

‘Fine, whatever. But at least let me take you home.’

‘I can’t go home.’, he nearly whispers.

‘Why not?

Silence.

‘Bill?’

More silence, more avoiding looking at me.

‘Bill! Why the hell not?!’, I reach to his face to make him look at me, he hisses in pain as soon as I touch his slightly swollen cheek.

‘It was Mike who did this to me, okay? My boss. He held me hostage for hours to rape me twice and beat the crap out of me. Happy now?!’, his eyes are shooting fire as he slaps my hand off his face, ‘So don’t fucking touch me!’

‘I… I’m sorry. Bill, I…’, I stutter.

A moment of awful silence falls in between us. Inside I kick myself as hard as I possibly can, multiple times. I’m partly responsible for this and I damn well know it. All this wouldn’t have happened if I wouldn’t have chickened out four weeks ago. If I took him with me right away, none of this and all the other awful things he went through for sure, would have happened. How could I be so stupid? How could I have done this to him?

‘Please, let me take you with me.’, I beg.

‘Why would I do that? So you can feel good about yourself?’, he asks sarcastically.

‘Why wouldn’t you?’, I decide to ignore the second question he asked, I probably deserved that one.

‘Because I can take care of myself.’

‘Sorry to break this to you, but you can’t, not right now. No one can when beat up like this. Just put away that annoying sense of pride of yours and accept a little help for once in your life.’

I can see how Bill attempts to go against me again, but I shut him up by gently grabbing his hand and look him straight in the eye.

‘Bill listen, just try it okay? For one night. If you don’t like it or don’t feel safe in any way, you’re free to run out any second tomorrow morning. After you had proper breakfast, that is.’, I continue and against all expectations, a tiny smile breaks through on Bill’s face.

‘Okay, fine.’, he says, ‘One night, but only because I feel gross as fuck and I can take a shower at your place.’

I laugh and shake my head. After that I offer Bill my other hand to help him up. It surprises me how he just takes it, without placing some sort of snarky comment on it. As soon as he’s up on his legs again, they start to tremble like they never learnt how to walk.

I keep walking very close to him as we walk over to my car, to make sure he won’t hit the ground again. If it were for me, I’d wrap an arm around him to guarantee myself he won’t fall down again, but I have to respect his strict no touching policy. Which I, of course, understand.

‘Fuck.’, Bill whispers when we’re on the road again, heading for my apartment.

‘What?’, I ask.

‘That son of a bitch has my bag, my coke was in there.’, he continues.

‘Don’t worry about that, I got some.’

‘Wait, really? Since when do you use?’, Bill looks over to me with an amused expression on his face.

‘I don’t, I mean, I only do sometimes. You just got lucky. The pressure got too much yesterday night, so I got myself some. Before that, it had been months.’

‘What pressure?’

‘Just work stuff, we’re currently dealing with a case that doesn’t really go the way it should. And I was stressed out because I had no idea where you were. For all I know, you could’ve been dead.’, I explain, ‘So where were you? According to sources, you weren’t home.’

‘What sources?’, Bill asks.

‘A friend of mine has a niece who claims to be your best friend, I don’t know her name. But she told us she hadn’t seen you in weeks. According to her, you told her about us finding you and the next morning you were gone when she woke up.’

‘You mean Bethany?’

‘I guess. I told you, I don’t know her name. My friend didn’t want to tell me.’, I sigh.

‘It’s Heather, isn’t it?’

‘What about her?’

‘She’s your “friend”, she’s the family member Bethany visits every week. The one who got her money when Mike tried to make Beth’s life hell. Don’t ask, I’m not supposed to tell you anything about that.’, Bill rattles.

‘Sounds like the one, yeah.’, I admit, ‘But you still haven’t answered my question.’

‘And I’m not going to.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it’s none of your fucking business, that’s why not.’

‘Kind of is…’, I murmur.

‘Yeah? Why is that?’, he asks.

‘Because I’m your brother.’

‘Oh, right, now you’re my brother.’, he laughs, ‘After 27 years he decides to save the day and be my brother. Am I not the luckiest person in the fucking world right now?’

‘Like any of this was my choice!’, I yell is disbelieve. Did he really just say that?

‘I’m sure it wasn’t, but don’t go and expect from me that I’m going to pour my heart out to you. Don’t make it seem like I need to tell you everything, when you were the reason I ran out in the first place. You ran out on me and made me feel more worthless than I have ever felt in my whole life, all I wanted was to die. Are you really that surprised I don’t trust you? How do I know you won’t pull the same shit on me again?’

‘I was in shock, Bill, I had no control over my own actions. After we found you, I locked myself up in my apartment for days, not talking to anyone, crying my eyes out. How betrayed do you think I feel? How much pain do you think I’m in? You’re my twin brother who probably went through hell, and I didn’t know about you for one second, because my mom probably decided I couldn’t handle it. It hurts me more than I can tell you, that all this happened to you and I couldn’t safe you, I do blame myself for that. Do you really want to be the one to push me down further? You, of all people, who must know what that feels like?’, by the time I end my little speech, I’m crying.

‘You’re going to cry now? Really?’, Bill sounds utterly annoyed.

‘What the hell is wrong with you?!’, I ask angrily.

‘What’s wrong with me? You mean what’s wrong with you! I just told you, you were the reason I nearly killed myself! And there you go, rambling on and on about how this must be for you, crying over it for heaven’s sake.’

‘Then what do you expect me to do? Act like all of this is nothing?’

‘No, of course not. I’m not expecting anything from you, I just wish you could do the same for me.’, Bill’s voice softens a little, which causes me to nod.

‘Alright, I won’t.’, I tell him, ‘I promise.’

He nods too and again a silence falls between us. This time it lasts until we reach the apartment building I live in. We get out of the car and take the elevator to the top floor.

‘Penthouse, of course. I can’t believe I’m even surprised.’, I hear Bill murmur to himself as I unlock the door to my apartment. I don’t answer, I just smile.

We walk inside together and before my ass even touched the couch, Bill asks me where I keep my coke. I get up again to get it for him and watch him as he gracefully and effortlessly takes four lines. He must be in a lot of pain. Poor thing, how I wish he would just talk to me like normal people do. Not just scream horrible facts in my face when he gets frustrated.

After Bill had his drugs and a glass of water, he asks me if he can shower. Of course that isn’t a problem at all, so I gather some clean clothes for him and show him where to find towels and stuff. When it comes to clean clothing, it’s kind of nice to be twins. Of course he’s far more skinnier than I am, but that’s not a problem when it comes to sweatpants.

When Bill is in the shower, I finally get some time to think about my next move. Should I call Heather? Tell her I found Bill? Yeah, yeah I should. I get my phone out of my pocket and dial Heather’s number.

‘Right, shit, I promised to text you. I’m so sorry, I’ll do it right away!’, she says as she picks up.

‘Thanks, but that’s not the reason I’m calling you.’, I answer in a shaky voice.

‘Tom? What’s wrong?’

‘I found Bill, he’s still alive, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s a good thing.’, my voice cracks and all I hear is a loud gasp on the other end of the line.


	7. Heather

‘I found Bill, he’s still alive, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s a good thing.’, I can hear Tom’s voice crack and my heart skips a beat at the same time.

‘What… what happened? Where is he?’, I stutter, not sure if I want to hear the answer.

‘He’s with me. I found him puking his guts out somewhere on the sidewalk. I was and am so in shock I can’t even remember where exactly. Anyway, I went over to him to ask what had happened. He first didn’t want to talk to me, but simply got too frustrated with me asking, that he eventually screamed in my face that Mike held him hostage for a couple of hours and raped him twice. To top it all off, he beat him up as well, pretty roughly. So he’s covered in scratches and bruises. I would really like to kill that Mike guy with my bare hands.’

‘Holy shit, how is he now?’, even I have to fight back tears. I don’t know Bill personally, but by seeing how hurt Bethany and Tom were, I got pretty invested.

‘He’s Bill… as long as you don’t mention what happened or don’t talk about anything feeling related, he seems to be okay. But as soon as you want to talk to him about something, or show your feelings, he goes all senseless asshole on you.’, Tom says.

I put him on speaker as soon as Tom told me he found Bill, so Bethany, who’s on the couch next to me, can hear everything Tom is saying. Even though she’s crying, I can see her nod in recognition. I grab her hand and stroke her shaking fingers with my thumb.

‘Can we please… come over?’, Bethany asks.

‘Wait, who’s this?’, Tom sounds a little confused.

‘It’s my niece, Bethany. She’s here with me, I told you that, right?’, I can’t help but chuckle.

‘O, right! Sorry.’, Tom apologizes, ‘Hi Bethany, it’s nice to finally be able to talk to you. Are you all right? Didn’t Mike hurt you?’

‘No I… I’m fine. I just want to see Bill. I thought he… I thought he was dead.’, after Bethany has said that, she starts crying again. I pull her towards me and wrap my arms around her.

‘Oh, sweetie, I know. If you can get your niece to agree, I see no reason why you guys can’t come over. I’m sure Bill would love to see you as well. I think he could use someone he trusts right now.’

Bethany immediately looks at me and I nod.

‘Can you give us 30 minutes? We’ll be right over.’, I turn my attention back to Tom.

‘Sure.’, is all Tom says and shortly after that, we hang up.

Bethany wants to get up immediately, but I grab her wrist and pull her back on the couch. The surprised look on her face is almost funny. But what I’m going to talk to her about, is far from funny, so I shouldn’t laugh right now.

‘Beth, I need you to be honest with me.’, I start.

‘About what?’, she asks.

‘Has Mike ever hurt you?’

‘I can’t tell you that.’

‘You can, you can tell me anything!’, I insist.

‘No, because you’ll tell me to quit my job then and I can’t do that. You know I can’t.’

‘So he has hurt you?’

‘Yes.’, she nearly whispers.

‘Did he rape you too?’, a tight knot forms in my stomach, almost making me throw up as I see her nod.

‘You have to stop working for him!’, I cry out.

‘See? I told you, you would say that!’, she yells back.

‘Of course I do! You let me believe you were safe there! You let me believe Mike was a nice guy and he was taking care of you, in a good way!’

‘He is taking care of me in a good way, he is a nice guy. He only attacks us when we don’t do our job properly.’

‘So you’re seriously saying right now, that what happened to Bill, was his fault?’

‘Of course I’m not saying that!’, her eyes widen.

‘Then what are you saying?’

‘I think Bill just couldn’t take it anymore and I think it’s best for him to leave. But I’m fine, I swear. Mike didn’t hurt me for months. He only did that when things were bad and I couldn’t get my shit together. But after I paid him back, things went back to normal again. I’m not quitting my job, Heather, you can’t make me.’, her body language is defensive.

‘Like hell I can. I’ve been protecting that son of a bitch for years because I thought he was good to you. Because I thought it was better to work for him, then to work for some asshole who took all your money and beat you up every other night. Now that I know better and now that I can get Tom by my side to be my lawyer, I will sue his ass! He will rot in jail and you will accept my help to find you another, healthier job. There’s no discussing this, do you understand me?’, adrenaline and anger rushes through my veins.

‘How will anyone hire a former prostitute? Explain that to me first.’

‘We will make sure no one is ever going to know about that, no one has to.’

‘How?’, she asks again.

‘Just leave that up to me okay? All you have to do is promise me, you’ll stop working for that freak and you’ll testify against him. Don’t worry, you won’t have to see him and to him you can remain anonymous. But we will need your statement.’, I look Bethany straight in the eye.

‘No! Stop it, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Can we please go see Bill?’

‘I’m not taking you to Bill if you don’t promise me.’

‘Are you fucking kidding me?!’, she yells.

‘No, I’m not.’, my voice remains perfectly calm.

‘Okay, fine.’

‘Fine, what?’

‘I’ll help.’

‘Can you look at me when you say that?’, I ask since she broke eye contact.

‘I’ll help.’, she repeats, looking up at me again.

‘Thank you. Now, let’s go.’, I finally let go of my niece’s wrist and get up from the couch first to get my car keys. She gets up too and together we walk out of my apartment and over to my car. During the whole car ride, we say nothing to each other.

I guess Bethany is pretty pissed at me for pushing her, but I couldn’t care less right now. When this is all behind us, she’ll thank me, no doubt about that.

As soon as I parked my car, Bethany and I get out of it. We walk over to the front door of the apartment building Tom lives in, and ring the downstairs doorbell. Soon Tom answers it and lets us in. When we walk into the elevator, Bethany asks: ‘Are you in love with him?’

‘What?’, I stare at her wide eyed.

‘Are you in love with him? With Tom?’, she repeats her question.

‘Why would you say that?’

‘Answer the question, Heather, come on.’, Bethany grins.

‘No, I’m not.’, I sigh, ‘Now, can you tell me why you would say something like that? Out of the fucking blue? We weren’t even talking about him.’

‘I just noticed some things. For starters, you guys are in touch a lot, see each other a lot. And when you were on the phone just then, his voice just sounded different, softer, when he was talking to you and you were acting different as well. And last but not least, the easy way in which you walk into this building, lets me know this isn’t your first time around here.’

‘Whatever, I’m not in love with him okay? We’re just friends.’

‘Okay, if you say so.’

In the meantime, the elevator brought us to the top floor and the doors in front of us slide open. Again in silence, I start to walk towards Tom’s front door and ring the doorbell again. This time it doesn’t take him long to answer as well, and before I know it, the door opens and Tom stands in front of us.

‘Hi.’, I start.

‘Hi, come in.’, he answers.

I walk in and give Tom a hug. After Bethany introduced herself and they shared a brief hug too, the three of us walk into the living room, where Bill is sitting on the couch. For a moment, time seems to stand still as he looks up at us. He’s wearing a sweater and sweatpants, probably borrowed from Tom, so we can’t see a huge part of his body. But seeing the bruises on his face, is already enough to let us know things happened, which absolutely shouldn’t have happened.

‘O, god, Bill…’, Bethany whispers as she launches forward and practically runs over to Bill.

Bill has just enough time to dump the cigarette he was smoking in the ashtray in front of him and get up. As soon as Bethany reached him, he wraps his arms around her tightly and presses multiple kisses on her head while she cries.

‘I’m okay, sweetie, I’m okay.’, he whispers to her.

‘What the hell were you thinking? You should’ve known you couldn’t disappear for four weeks and then just return home and pretend like nothing happened. You should’ve known Mike would freak the fuck out on you. Why did you do this? Why didn’t you call me first?’, Bethany breaks the hug and carefully cups Bill’s face in her hands.

‘I wasn’t planning on coming back home. I only went back there to clear out my stuff, praying Mike wouldn’t be there, but he was.’

‘God, what did he do to you?’, again Bethany’s voice breaks under the tears.

‘I don’t want to tell you that, Beth, it’s over now and I’m alive and that’s all that matters.’, Bill reaches for Bethany’s face as well and he wipes the tears from her face. Bethany nods and they dive into a warm embrace again.

‘Should we give them a few minutes?’, Tom asks, just loud enough for me to hear it.

‘Yeah, I think we should.’, I agree and follow Tom into the kitchen.

‘So, how are you?’, I ask.

‘Shaky, but fine, I guess.’, Tom shrugs and avoids looking at me, by diving into the kitchen cabinets, probably to look for coffee.

‘Did you guys talk?’

‘I tried, but as I already told you on the phone, he doesn’t want to. When you push him hard enough, he might tell you something, more like, scream it in your face. So in the car I tried to approach him more carefully. Wrong again, he started yelling again, telling me how I was the reason for him to run away from home and trying to kill himself. He told me I had made him feel more worthless then ever by running out of Foxxies that night. I tried to explain to him why I did that, but he doesn’t really seem to understand any of it. So right now, I just try to keep him happy, hoping he will not run out in the middle of the night to disappear again.’

‘You need to give him some time, Tom, this must be just as confusing for him as it is for you. So I think it’s a good decision to for now, try to keep him happy and comfortable. He just first needs to learn to trust you.’, I put my hand on Tom’s arm.

‘I know.’, he sighs.

‘And as I already told you, I will be here to help and support you in whatever you need.’

‘I know.’, he looks up at me and smiles.

‘So, what about work tomorrow?’, I ask.

‘Well, I already reached out to Ben, told him I found Bill and asked him to take over for me for a couple of days. My appointment with that judge will be in a week, and in the meantime, there is nothing that I specifically need to take care of myself. Ben can take care of that as well. So for the upcoming week, Bill won’t be alone and when I told him that, he sort of seemed happy to hear that.’

‘That’s a good thing, right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So what’s Bethany’s opinion on coffee?’, he then suddenly asks.

‘She loves it, especially yours.’, I chuckle.

‘How do you know that? She’s never had it.’, he chuckles too.

‘But I did, and I know it’s delicious, so I can tell you beforehand, that she’ll absolutely love it!’

‘Alright, if you say so. In that case, can you get me four mugs out of that cabinet?’, he points at a cabinet. I do as I’m told and when I put down four mugs in a row, Tom starts to fill them with coffee. It’s pretty easy, because we all turn out to be die hard black coffee drinkers.

Tom and I both pick up two mugs and walk back into the living room, where Bill and Bethany are seated on the couch. Bill just finished the cigarette he was smoking when we got in and puts it out in the ashtray.

‘I’m sorry, I smoke a lot when I need to get my mind off of things. I just asked Bethany if she could try to get at least my bag out of that place. There’s some money in there too, I’ll give it to you as soon as possible to make up for all this.’, Bill says as he takes one of the damping mugs of coffee out of Tom’s hands.

‘I told you not to worry about it, it’s fine.’, Tom says as he sits down on the other side of Bill.

I sink down on one of the lazy chairs opposite to the couch, after I gave Bethany her coffee. Now that the twins are next to each other, the resemblance can’t be missed. For over a million times I’ve wondered how they both could not have recognized the other that night at Tom’s firm, and now I’m wondering again.

How could they both have not felt like they were looking in the mirror when looking at each other? According to Tom it must have been the alcohol and the drugs. Yeah… must have been. There is simply no other explanation for it. Never in a million years Tom would’ve fucked his own brother if he knew, right?

‘This may probably sound like a pretty dumb question to you, Bill, but I can’t help but ask. How are you?’, I say to break the silence that probably would’ve gone on for hours, if I wouldn’t have opened my mouth.

‘Right now, because of the coke, I don’t feel a thing. I guess that counts as fine.’, he shifts a little on the couch and takes a zip of his coffee.

‘How did you get coke?’, Bethany asks.

‘Tom had some.’, Bill answers and then looks over to Tom, ‘Good stuff, by the way.’

‘You what? Since when?’, my eyes widen.

I knew Tom took some coke two years ago, because he just heard about his mom and wanted to forget about it for a while. But I didn’t know he still used. Is he an addict? Did I really miss that for the last four weeks? Was he high all the time? Is he now? Please tell me…

‘No, it’s not what you think.’, Tom says.

‘Thank god.’, I whisper to myself.

‘I just use sometimes, when things get a little too much for me. I’m not addicted and I never will be.’, Tom quickly defends himself.

‘I remember I once said that too.’, Bill grins and gives his brother a playful push.

‘Yeah well, I’m sure you’ll freak out, but I better just tell you now. I am willing to take care of you in every way that you need, but I won’t be feeding your addiction. So after this stock is out, there will be no more coke in this house. And it’s going to stay that way.’

‘What?!’, Bill almost drops his coffee as he turns to Tom, looking at him wide eyed.

‘Tom, don’t do this right now.’, I jump in between them.

‘Do what?’, he asks.

‘Don’t make him go through things he’s not ready for, not right now.’

‘No please, let him. Let him be the asshole who thinks he has total control over me, because I rely on him right now. If he wants to be Mike 2.0, let him be. It’s not like I care, I’m kind of used to it now.’, Bill says drily. After that he takes the pack of cigarettes and the lighter from the table, after which he leaves the room.

‘See? That’s exactly what I mean. I try to take care of him and then this is what I get.’, Tom sighs.

‘I know you try, but this was just wrong. This wasn’t taking care of him, or showing him you can be trusted. This was just shoving your will down his throat. You can’t do that yet, Tom, it’s way too soon. He’s only been down here for what, two hours? He’s fragile as fuck, you can’t demand anything from him right now. I know you want him to be better, I know you want this shit to end, but you can’t make him do that in a few hours. Give the boy a little rest first.’, I sigh too.

‘Oh, so you think he is right to compare me to freaking Mike?’

‘No, he wasn’t. But you pretty much pushed him with his back against the wall, he clearly felt powerless and apparently this is his response to it.’

‘Then what am I supposed to do? Allow him to continue in slowly killing himself with that stuff? No, I refuse to let him do that!’, frustration is clearly heard in Tom’s voice.

‘Just for the upcoming couple of weeks, let him have his coke, don’t let him have too much, but let him have it. Wait until he trusts you and then carefully try to approach him about it, tell him you want him to stop because you care about him. In a few weeks he will be much more able to believe you when you say that, then he is now. Right now everything and everyone is a threat to him, don’t prove him right.’, I walk over to Tom and gently touch his leg, before walking in the direction Bill just left in.

Soon I discover Bill walked in the direction of the huge balcony that once again, provides an amazing few over the city. Bill is leaning against the fence, while lazily smoking a cigarette. City lights reflect on his face.

‘Hey, can I have one?’, I ask as soon as I’m standing next to him.

‘What? O… right, yeah… sure.’, he hands me the pack of cigarettes and the lighter.

‘So what’s on your mind?’, I try to make it sound casually as I light a cigarette.

‘Trust me, you don’t want me to tell you that.’

‘Will you reconsider if I promise you another 300 dollars?’

Bill laughs and shakes his head: ‘No, but thanks. By the way, thanks for sticking out for me to Tom, I really appreciated that.’

‘He just went too far, I’m not afraid to tell him that.’

‘I noticed.’, Bill laughs again, softly.

See? Bill can be a nice and charming guy, you just need to know what strings to touch, and which to leave alone for the moment. I’m sure that when he learns to trust you and allows you to get to know him, he’ll definitely be a loveable person.

‘It’s just so confusing, you know? One moment he runs out on me, really makes me feel like he doesn’t want anything to do with me. And the next, he’s the loving and caring brother who provides me with everything I need right now. And then, not even two hours later, he goes all asshole on me again. How am I supposed to deal with that?’, Bill then starts talking.

‘The main and most important thing here is, he does care about you and he cares about you a lot. He just doesn’t know how to handle that. How to respond to what happened to you in a good way, how to deal with his own feelings about this. He really feels like he’s the one who’s been doing this to you, Bill and that hurts.’

‘I wish I could say I can imagine that, but I can’t. I never learnt how to deal with feelings, I never learnt how to be around people who care about me, and so I never learnt to trust anyone. I know Bethany cares, but she never did anything to protect me as well. I’m not sure if I blame her for that, but do you see where I’m coming from? I can’t talk about how I feel, or how things are for me, because I never learnt how to feel. Only thing I know is that my life has been a series of defending myself, because no one ever did it for me.’

‘So I think you also don’t know who you blame for this and what it is you blame them for?’, I ask.

‘No, exactly.’, he sighs, ‘Well, the only one I really do blame is Mike. He should have never taken advantage of me like he did. He knew I had no one, so he knew he could make me believe almost anything. But there is one thing I always refused to believe.’

‘Which is?’

‘That is was okay for him to…’, Bill lets out a shaky breath, ‘That is was okay for him to rape me. That he had a right to.’

‘You’re right, and it’s very important for you to remember that you didn’t deserve that!’

When I reach out to Bill, to gently put my hand on his arm, a shock runs through his body and for a second he looks at me in total panic. I decide not to let go and proceed by giving his arm slight strokes with my thumb, to let him know it’s okay. To let him know I won’t hurt him. In response to that, he just stares at me while a few tears run down his face.

‘Can I please hug you? I can’t stand seeing people cry, and I really want to hug you r…’, I start, but get interrupted by Bill who nearly jumps into my arms, clinging on to me like his life depends on it.  I hug him back, again carefully and again with gentle strokes I rub his back.

Shivers run down Bill’s entire body as he’s breaking down in my arms. The sobs that leave his throat, carry so much pain in them, he almost drags me along with him.

‘You’re safe now, nothing like this will ever happen to you again. Do you hear me?’, I whisper to him, ‘Never.’

Bill nods softly and keeps holding on to me for the next couple of minutes, until he finally seems to be able to calm himself down a little. He slowly lets go of me and wipes his face.

‘Sorry, I just… I don’t know what happened there.’, he apologizes.

‘Those were feelings that have been locked up for way too long. To give you a little heads up, this is going to happen to you some more along the way. But don’t worry, it’s healthy and I’m sure we all love to hug you through it. Don’t ever apologize for it.’, I wink at him.

‘Thanks, again. Really.’, he smiles at me weakly.

‘Never a problem. So when I give you my business card this time, and write my personal phone number on the backside. Will you take it this time?’, I ask.

‘Sure, yeah. About that… I’m so sorry. I wasn’t feeling very well to begin with and then you came in to tell me that I have a twin brother. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but you were just… there, you know? Anyhow, I’m sorry.’

‘Stop apologizing, Bill, seriously. Don’t you think I got that? All I want you to do right now is promise me that from now on, you’ll call me whenever you and Tom are coming across something you can’t solve together. I want this to work for both of you and if needed, I want to help with that.’

‘I promise.’, this time he smiles at me a little more convincing.

‘Good, now, do you think you can handle going back inside again? I think someone over there is dying to apologize to you.’, I continue.

‘Yeah, I think so too.’, he says, ‘Wait, don’t I look like crap?’

‘Not more then you already did.’

‘Well, thank you…’

‘What? My mom always taught me to be honest.’, I can’t help but grin at him.

‘Bet she did.’, he pushes me playfully and we both laugh.

See? Sweet guy


	8. Bill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry that it took so long, but I've been kind of stuck in a writers block for a long time. But here it is! Special thanks to my girl Nightwriter89, for helping me believe that inspiration was going to come back to me someday. For the Once Upon A Time fans among you, make sure to check out her stories as well! She's currently working on a true masterpiece! For now, have fun with this chapter!

It’s around eleven, when I wake up the next morning. My memories from the night before are foggy, existing out of slices and images. Although there is one thing I do remember very clearly. It’s the moment of breaking down completely in the arms of a girl I barely know, when my best friend was sitting in the other room.

Up to this moment, I still don’t really know what exactly happened. I could feel Heather was there for me and really cared about what I had to say. I have never, in my whole life, experienced that before. I guess that just was a little too much for me in that moment.

It’s so confusing, it’s just all so confusing. Do you have any idea what it must be like to walk the streets one moment, fully convinced that you’ll never see daylight again. And the next you’re in the car with your brother, who promises you he is going to take care of you. And now I’m in a comfy fluffy bed, still not sure what’s happening to me right now.

I groan and flinch the second I move my muscles to turn on my back, fully aware again of the pain inside my whole body. I need some coke, and for that, I need to get out of bed. Ugh…

Inside my head, I count from ten to zero. When I get to zero, I get out of bed, trying very hard not to focus on the pain. I sigh and put the clothes Tom gave me last night, back on. I know I look like shit this way, but I don’t really have a choice. It’s not like getting back into my ripped up, smelly clothes, sounds like a great plan.

When I walk into the living room, the smell of pancakes, bacon and eggs meets my nose. I’m guessing Tom must be in the kitchen, because I don’t see him anywhere around here, so I grab a cigarette and walk into the kitchen. Bingo, there he is!

‘Aren’t you supposed to be working?’, I ask casually, after which I light my cigarette.

‘No, I’m not going until next Friday, I told you that remember?’, he asks back.

‘Oh, right, sorry. The drugs are messing with my memory. I should warn you I’m going to ask you the same question a couple of more times the next few days.’

The only response I get to that is a little nod.

‘So, are you hungry?’

‘I am now.’, I admit as my stomach spontaneously starts to make roaring sounds, just at the sight of all this delicious food. God, I can’t even remember the last time I was actually hungry.

Tom just nods again, and reaches for one of the kitchen cabinets above his head, to get two plates out of it. After he did that, he starts filling one of them with three pancakes, five strings of bacon and a nice scoop of scrambled eggs. To top it all off, he places a cube of butter on my pancakes, which immediately starts to melt.

‘If you want syrup on your pancakes too, it’s in the cabinet right in front of you.’, he says as he hands the filled plate over to me.

‘No, I’ll just eat them combined with the bacon and eggs. Thank you so much.’, I reply.

On my way over to the living room, cigarette in one hand, plate with food in the other, I wonder if this is something he does every day. Or is it just because I’m here now and he wants me to feel welcome? I know for a fact, I wouldn’t have the energy to do this every morning before work. Did he?

‘Holy shit, dude, this is fucking delicious. Who taught you this?’, I ask as soon as Tom is on the couch next to me, also accompanied by a good filled plate.

‘My mom. Well, technically, our mom.’, he chuckles a little when he corrects himself.

Yeah, our mom. Apparently we both have to get used to the fact that we actually share parents. All my life I’ve been fantasizing about what my real parents would be like. But especially what my mom would be like. Oh, how I would have loved to meet her. Even though the thought of her basicly dumping me and keeping me a secret for Tom, pisses me off, I still would’ve wanted to see her, if she was still alive today.

‘What was she like? May I ask that?’, I look over to Tom.

‘Of course. She was a beautiful, sweet and loving person. I’m sure it must sound stupid to you, because she gave you up, but she was. She supported me in every way, in every decision I made. I could always turn to her when I needed to, and she was always willing to help me in every way she could. I loved her and trusted her with everything that I am, of course that trust part got a little scratched after I found out about her secret. But I still lover her to death and miss her every day.’

‘Do you know why? Did she tell you that?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why she decided to give me up?’

‘Well, I don’t think there is a reason she picked you, it could just as well had been me. Sometimes I wish it was.’, Tom sighs.

I decide not to respond to that, not to tell him that since I heard he existed, I’ve been wishing the same thing. Not so much because I wish the same shit I went through on him, but because I am so jealous of him that he always had, what I always wanted.

‘What about our dad?’, I ask instead.

‘He was just a coldblooded jerk, he is the reason for all of this to begin with. If he would have just stayed, my mom would have been able to take care of both of us. He denied to admit that we were his kids, so there was no way we were going to get money from him. Stupid fuck…’, I can hear anger in Tom’s voice.

‘So that’s all? Money?’

Tom nods.

‘Didn’t we have family or anything? People who could help financially?’

‘No, we’re from a poor family. Everyone had just enough to take care of themselves and their kids, so no, I don’t think there was anyone in our family who could have helped us.’

‘But how did she manage to pay for your education? I mean, I never looked into it, but I’m not dumb. I can’t imagine law school being cheap.’

‘No, you’re right, it wasn’t. But when I was around fifteen years old, my mom met a rich guy. They fell in love and got married and we moved into his house. He, in contrast to our biological dad, turned out to be a really nice guy. He took care of me and my mom the best he could and also paid for my education. Both him and my mom knew this was what I wanted, and they knew I wasn’t going to drop out, so they knew all that money wasn’t going to go to waste. And it didn’t.’, Tom tells me.

‘Is he still around, that guy?’, I ask, after which I put another piece of pancake in my mouth.

‘No, he died five years ago. My mom was completely devastated, and after that, never really became the same person ever again. I’m very glad she gets to be with him again.’

‘So, what about your foster parents?’, Tom asks after a short silence, I can immediately feel my muscles tighten with anger.

‘I’ve got nothing to say about them, they were just huge fuck ups.’, I mumble and quickly fill my mouth with food again, hoping Tom will get the hint.

Apparently he does, because once again silence falls in between us. This time it lasts until we both finished our breakfast. By now the urge for coke is so big, I can nearly hold myself back from helping myself. I didn’t manage to remember that Tom told me he wasn’t going to work for a week, but I do remember where he keeps his stuff. Very clearly, that is.

‘Cigarette?’, Tom offers as he hands me the pack of cigarettes, from which he just took one himself.

‘Yeah, but some coke first, the pain is killing me. Can I?’

Tom, again, gives me a brief nod and I get up from the couch. As I walk over to the cabinet from which Tom got his stuff the other night, my eye gets caught by a picture from a beautiful woman. I can’t help myself from picking it up, to look at it closer. Is this her? Is this my mom?

‘You look so much like her, especially when you wear make-up.’, I hear Tom nearly whisper behind me.

I smile to the picture in front of me, but I don’t respond to Tom’s comment. What is one supposed to say to that? Thanks? I shrug almost invisibly and proceed with what I originally came here for. I open the top drawer and immediately a bag of very familiar white powder greets me. For a second confusion falls over me as I notice the bag seems to be more filled then it was last night.

‘I got more this morning. I hope in return you’ll at least try to keep your usage to a minimum.’, Tom speaks up again. God, can that guy read my mind?

‘I thought you said there wouldn’t be more after the stock from last night was out?’

‘Oh, but I could return it if you like.’

In a reflex, I get the bag out of the drawer and hold on to it tightly. Almost afraid it will disappear if I don’t. When I realize how desperate I must look right now, I try to shake my head as casually as possible and try to make it sound just like that when I say: ‘I didn’t say that. I was just… wondering what changed your mind.’

‘Heather did, she told me I couldn’t force you to quit cold turkey, not right now. So I decided I’m not going to, but I meant what I said, I don’t like feeding your addiction. So again, I hope in return you’ll try to at least reduce your usage.’

‘I’ll try.’, I promise him.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, really. I’m not very good at letting you notice it, Tom, but I really appreciate all that you’re doing for me.’

‘And I’m not done.’

‘What do you mean?’

Tom gets up from the couch as well and walks over to the hallway, after a few seconds he comes back with a Vodafone bag in one hand and a white box with an apple logo on it in the other. You don’t have to be a genius to know what’s in there.

‘What? I… how? Why?’, I stutter stupidly, ‘I can’t accept all this.’

‘Yes, you can. You will need your own stuff, Bill. I like you, I do, but I like my privacy too. I wasn’t planning on sharing my computer with you, so you’ll need your own. As for the phone, I figured you were going to need a new one. It has a whole new number as well, so you can decide who you want to keep in your life and who you want to get rid of. Those people simply won’t be able to reach you anymore this way.’

‘What about your computer? Loaded with porn?’, I grin.

‘For example.’, a grin appears on Tom’s face as well, ‘So take it.’

‘Fine, but first I’m going to get rid of this fucked up pain.’

After I got the famous little mirror and the cutter out of the drawer as well, I sit down at the dinner table and start to cut myself some lines. To keep the promise I just made, I decide to try it with two lines first. Maybe that, combined with the distraction of a new phone and a new laptop, will be enough to keep my mind of the pain right now.

‘Okay, now get it to daddy.’, I clap my hands happily before taking the box and the Vodafone bag from Tom’s hands. I know I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but I really am when I peek into the bag and the box containing a brand new iPhone 6s is greeting me. Shit, this is nothing compared to my old Samsung that was close to falling apart in a million pieces.  

I get the little box out of the bag and start to open it. From the corner of my eye, I see how Tom is looking at me with an amused expression on his face. To him this is probably just a little gesture, but to me it’s something huge!

When I finally managed to open the box, a shiny phone is being exposed to me. I stare at it for a couple of seconds, part of me is actualy afraid it will disappear as soon as I touch it. The other part of me knows it won’t and that it must look very stupid, me sitting here, staring at a phone in a box. So I decide to take it out.

‘They already inserted the SIM card for you, so all you have to do is create an Apple ID and you’re good to go.’, Tom says.

I nod and turn on the phone. While it’s starting up, I decide to take another look at it. Top to bottom, front to back. When I turn the phone around, I see it has a goldish color on the back. It’s white in the front. Damn, this thing is sexy.

‘Did you pick the color with a reason? Or did you just tell the store to give you the one they wanted to get rid of?’, I ask.

‘No, I picked it out. I thought you might like it this way.’

‘You guessed right.’

The amused expression returns on Tom’s face and he smiles at me. After I smiled back, I turn my attention back to the phone. When I installed that one properly, I move along to installing the laptop. When I’m done doing that, it’s around lunchtime.

‘What do you want for lunch?’, Tom asks.

‘I have no idea, before I never did breakfast or lunch, I usually slept until it was time for work again. What do you want?’, I ask back.

‘Well, we could get a bagel, around the corner there is a little bagel store. It’s delicious there. Or we could get waffles somewhere, or just go to the grocery store to get something? I don’t know.’

‘Wait, so you want me to go outside?!’, my eyes widen.

‘You kind of have to this afternoon, I mean, you will need clothes as well. I can’t pick those out for you. With the phone, I already had to guess, how am I supposed to get you clothes? I mean, you seem like someone with a special kind of taste, not the “I’ll wear anything” kind of guy.’

‘I’m not, no. So what makes you think I’m going outside looking like this?’

‘Oh come on, Bill, it’s human to have a lazy day every once in a while. No one is going to judge you for that. Besides, this city is so big, changes are that people who see you today, will never see you again. So I wouldn’t be so worried if I were you.’, Tom says after which he shrugs.

‘Would you go outside like this?’

‘Not if I had a choice, but you don’t have one, so…’

‘Can’t we just order clothes online?’, I try.

‘No, we can’t. It’s going to be Monday until they get here and I just want you to have your own stuff. Wouldn’t it be nice to have clothes that actualy fit you? Have your own underwear? Being able to put on some make-up on your face in the morning? Wouldn’t it be nice to feel like yourself again?’

‘Maybe.’, I mumble, while a little voice in my head whispers; _I don’t even know what “being myself” feels like._

‘So just let’s go grab some lunch and after that, we’ll go to fifth to score you some clothes and make up. And anything else you think you’ll be needing.’, Tom insists and I know I’ll never win this.

‘Okay.’, I finally give in, ‘Now?’

‘Yeah, now. And if it makes you feel any better, I think I have a leather jacket somewhere which is a little too small for me. Do you want me to get it for you?’

I nod and watch Tom as he walks into his bedroom. Only seconds later, he returns with the jacket. It actually looks pretty good, way better than the sloppy sweater I’m in right now. I quickly take off the sweater and put the jacket on.

‘Better?’, Tom asks.

‘Way better. Thanks.’, I smile.

‘So, ready to go?’

‘Can I check my hair first? I’ll be quick.’

‘Your hair is fine.’

‘That’s your opinion, but you almost made me go outside in that sweater, so I think I can’t really trust you on that.’, I grin.

‘Fine, go check, but hurry. I’m hungry.’, he sighs.

I decide not to comment on the fact that getting snarky from being hungry, is kind of a girl thing, and rush into the bathroom. When I see myself in the mirror, I make a grossed out face. Ew, my hair isn’t fine, it’s all over the pace! And then my face… Shit, I look disgusting!

I pout at my reflection and make a whiny noise. Why does Tom have to make me go outside? This is so unfair! He looks like the freaking cover model of some magazine, he has nothing to worry about. But as I realized just minutes earlier, I’m not going to win this thing, I’m going to have to.

‘Are you done?’, Tom’s inpatient voice on the other end of the door.

‘Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.’, I quickly try to tame my hair, and run out of the bathroom again.

As planned, we first make a quick stop at the bagel place Tom was talking about. Apparently they know him there, because all he has to say to the man behind the counter is: ‘The usual.’, and the man immediately seems to understand him. After I ordered a bagel too and Tom paid for it, we eat while walking over to the Metro station.

‘Why don’t we just take your car?’, I ask.

‘Have you ever tried parking your car on fifth avenue?’, he chuckles.

‘No, I can’t even drive.’

‘Are you serious?!’

‘Yeah, my parents didn’t even let me finish high school and I ran out at the age of 16, when was I supposed to get a driver’s license?’

‘Why didn’t they?’

‘Because their crystal meth business wasn’t going well and they needed all the money they had, to keep it up and running. At the point that I finally decided to run, there wasn’t even any food in the house and there hadn’t been any for four days. Now that I think of it, it really sounds dumb, but I was getting out of there, actually hoping to find something better.’, I sigh.

‘So, how did you meet Mike?’, Tom asks as we walk into the Metro station, in the direction of the vending machines to get us a ticket.

‘Well, only a few days after I was out of the house. I had been wondering around the streets of Manhattan and apparently we had already crossed paths a few times, before he approached me. He asked me if I had a home, somewhere to go. When I said no, he told me he owned a shelter for “people like me”, a place where we could build a future, own our own apartment and our own money. When he offered me coffee to talk about it, I accepted and went with him. When we sat down in some kind of smoke filled café, one of the first questions he asked me was: ‘Did you ever have sex?’ I was kind of grossed out by that question and said no again.’

‘Why didn’t you make a run for it when he asked you that? Weren’t you suspecting something at that point?’

‘Of course I was, and I wanted to, but then he started to remind me of all the perks again. I would have my own apartment, I would make money, I would be living in a building where I could probably make some friends. And most of all, he managed to make me believe he wasn’t like you would expect him to be. He promised me he would protect me, take care of me. And most of all, I didn’t have to do anything that I didn’t want to, as long as I brought money in. So the first few months I only did some lap dances and hand jobs. But I got more and more curious and started to do more and more, until I was here, doing almost anything people wanted from me. I really thought I was happy. When we met the first time, I already was doubting myself, but still thought this was the best way to go. After that, things only got worse.’, I tell him. By now we’re in the subway and I’m forced to tone my voice down a little.

I don’t know why I’m telling Tom all this. Even though my opinion on how healthy this all was, has changed drastically, I’m still not ashamed of all that’s happened. I am who I am and I made the choices that I made, running away from it isn’t going to change any of that, so why would I?

‘Okay, but still, I wouldn’t be doing it if he didn’t offer me a driver’s license as well.’, Tom says drily and after that we both start laughing.

I start to appreciate the presence of my brother more and more, faster than I thought I would. He can really be an unreasonable jerk sometimes and push me to my limits, like he did multiple times yesterday. But he’s also trying really hard to show me that he won’t let me down, ever, and I can see that too.

‘So, that will be the next thing on my to do list, teach you how to drive.’, he continues.

‘You are going to teach me how to drive?’, I ask.

‘Yeah, I am.’

‘Well, good luck with that.’, I snicker.

‘Thanks, I’ll need it.’, he says, after which I push him, ‘What?! You said it yourself!’

I sigh and shake my head as I realize that once again, I managed to get myself into a discussion I’m never going to win. So I decide to admit defeat again and stay silent of our drive over to fifth.

‘Where do you want to go first?’, Tom asks as we reach fifth avenue. Stores are literally surrounding us, and for a moment I’m too flabbergasted to talk. I’ve spend the last 12 years of my life in this city and I’ve never been here. I never went for everyday clothes, because I never needed them. I don’t even know what I would like, then how the hell am I supposed to know what store I want to go to first?

‘I have no idea. Where do you always go?’

‘Depends on what I need, when I’m looking for new suits, I always go to Hugo Boss. But when I’m looking for free time clothes, I usually check out Abercrombie & Fitch and H&M.’

‘Well, I don’t think suits will be my thing, so let’s go to the other two first.’, I suggest. Tom nods and we start to walk into the direction of H&M.

After two hours spent there, and two hours spent at A&B, my hands are filled with shopping bags. Tom and I both are pretty tired by now and decide not to take too long on picking out some perfume and make up for me. By the time we’re in the subway, on our way back home, we’re both too exhausted to talk. Unfortunately Tom has to, when  someone decides to call him.

‘Hey Andy.’, he says with a loud sigh as he picks up, ‘Yeah, I just went shopping with Bill for four hours. We needed to get him clothes… No, we don’t really have plans for tonight, why?... That actually sounds like an amazing plan, let me run it by Bill.’

‘So, I have Andreas on the phone, he’s my best friend and a really nice guy. He offered to come over and cook for us, since he figured we would be way too tired to do that. He’s an amazing cook. But the question is, is it okay if he comes over? Or don’t you want that?’, Tom asks as he looks up at me.

‘No, it’s fine, if I can shower first and put on some nice clothes.’, I reply.

‘Sure you can, I’ll just tell him to come over around seven, okay?’

I nod and Tom returns to his conversation on the phone, telling his friend what we just talked about. After that he hangs up the phone and unfortunately, has to get up immediately because we arrived at the Metro station just a few blocks away from his home.

We walk back in silence again and as soon as I get home, I dive under the shower. I haven’t even thought of what I wanted to wear yet, so that’s what I’m doing now. The choices are not even countable and I can’t even remember all the things I bought, but still I manage to decide on something real quick. So as soon as I’m done washing my hair and body, I walk back into the bedroom I guess I can call mine now.

For a few seconds, I just stare at the eight bags of clothes on my bed, a smaller bag with perfume and make up next to them. Fortunately, I remember the outfit I want to wear, coming entirely from H&M, so I know I can skip all the Abercrombie & Fitch bags, which are already three of them. Still it takes me a few minutes to find all the pieces of my planned outfit. A dark, almost black pair of jeans, a white tank top, and a red with black striped jacked. Perfection!

When I’m done getting dressed, I walk back into the bathroom to do my make-up and dry my… Shit! A hair dryer, I should’ve asked Tom for a hair dryer! But wait, maybe he already has one, he has long hair too, right?

‘Tom?’, I call out.

‘Yes?’, Tom replies quickly.

‘Do you have a hair dryer?’

‘Of course I do, it’s in the cabinet next to the sink.’

‘Thank god.’, I mumble to myself and then call out to Tom, ‘Thank you!’

As soon as I’m done with my whole “taking care of myself and making myself look good” routine, I look at myself in the mirror again. A warm and fuzzy feeling fills my body, makes me want to smile at my reflection. I don’t really know what to call it, is this what “happy” feels like? No, it’s probably just satisfaction because I finally look hot again. Yeah, that must be it.

I rip myself away from the mirror, clean up my stuff from the bathroom and then walk into the living room. I thought I already heard Tom talking to someone, but now I’m sure. Because, sitting on the couch, casually smoking a cigarette, is Andreas. I struggle very hard to keep my chin from dropping. Holy freaking potatoes, the guy is hot!

‘Hi.’, he gets up from the couch and walks over to me, holding out his hand, ‘I’m Andreas, but you can call me Andy.’

‘Hi, I… I’m Bill.’, I stutter, awkwardly shaking his hand.

What the shit is wrong with me?!  


	9. Bethany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little violence warning in here guys! Enjoy!

‘Oh yeah, baby, give it all you got.’, I moan to the man behind me, who is riding me like some sort of animal, ‘You’re so big, baby, I love it.’

Truth is, he’s not. His dick is the size of my pinky and inside of me, it feels like someone is fucking me with a twig. It doesn’t get me anywhere but bored, and I tell him these things to get it over with as fast as possible. His insane moaning tells me he actually believes me, how stupid can you be?

Also I know right away why this guy is coming here. No one is going to fuck that willingly! At least, not when they don’t get some nice cash in return.

After a couple more minutes of acting like I enjoy this, the guy finally has an orgasm. I fake one too, to give one final boost to his ego. He pulls out of me and starts to dress himself again. I quickly cover myself up in an bathrobe and wait patiently for my money.

‘You were so tight, baby, I’ll make sure to recommend you to my friends.’, he says as he hands me the cash.

‘Thank you so much, I would appreciate that!’, I smile at him and take the cash from him.

_Although, I sure as hell hope you and your friends don’t join some sort of small penises club._

‘Well, alright then, have a nice day.’, he smiles back at me as I open up the door for him and he walks through it.

‘Bye!’

As quickly as possible, I slam the door shut behind my client and walk back into my apartment. I know how much my friends are against me taking clients home, but I find it works like a charm. Speaking of boosting the ego, men love it when a girl is asking them to come home with her. So in my case, it means more money!

I take a deep breath and start to remove the dirty sheets from my bed. I always keep two sets of sheets, one to fuck on, and one to sleep under. Since I just had my last client for today, it’s time to put the sleep sheets back on.

After I cleaned up my room and made it look like home again, instead of a work space, I decide to take a shower. In two hours I’m supposed to meet Bill at Tom’s apartment and I don’t want to be late. I have to be really carful though, because Mike is on the hunt for Bill and I don’t know what will happen if he finds him. I don’t even want to know.

I wash myself over three times, but I can still feel the sweaty bodies on top of me. It never goes away fully. I sigh as I decide to give up on getting rid of the feeling for today and get out of the shower. I dry my hair and put on some “normal clothes”. I put on a warm coat as well and then walk out of my apartment. Of course I took my phone and keys on my way out.

Now comes the part where I start to feel nervous. I promised Bill I was going to take his bag with me, when I came to visit him. But to do that, I will have to go inside his apartment and if Mike walks in on me, I’m in real big trouble.

I try to walk over to Bill’s apartment as casual as possible. Also try not to be too obvious as I look around me, to see if Mike is walking around somewhere. Safe and sound, I reach Bill’s apartment and walk in there as fast as I can. I shut the door behind me, to not make Mike suspect anything.

Chills run down my spine as I see how trashed the apartment is. There’s blood on the walls and some of the furniture. I know how Mike gets when he’s pissed so it’s not hard for me to imagine what happened here. Also the sheets on the bed show how Bill must have tried to fight it, as Mike forced himself on top of him.

It’s a stupid thing to do, to try and fight it, because you know you’ll never win and Bill knows that too. But he always said he wouldn’t ever let it go down without a fight. He promised me he was never going to just lay still, and let it happen. So he never did.

I force myself back into motion as I walk over to the bed. Bill told me he kicked his bag under it, trying to save it from getting stolen by Mike, and as far as he knew, Mike didn’t see it. I get down on my knees and luckily I find the bag. I grab it and get back up again.

As fast as I came, I walk back out again as well. Just as I want to release a relieved breath, I hear Mike’s voice behind me: ‘What were you doing in there? Is that little slut back?’

‘No, he’s not, I…’, I start, but Mike interrupts me by pushing me out of the way and storming into the apartment. Which is empty. I could make a run for it right now, but Mike will get even more suspicious when I do that. So instead I decide to wait for him to get back, and in the meantime, try to make up an excuse why I was in here. Luckily for me, just in time I think of something.

‘So, what were you doing in there?’, he repeats his question as soon as he’s back in front of me.

‘I’m going out shopping and I needed a bag to put my stuff in, since my bag was stolen last weekend. And I rather spent my money on some nice clothes for work, then on a bag, which is in the house anyway. Son of a bitch isn’t coming back anyway, right? So I might as well just take his stuff.’

Mike gives me a satisfied grin, but soon after that, he seems confused.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be working? It’s the middle of the day. In a few hours all those married men will be done working, and they will want someone to fuck. Someone way hotter than their hideous wives.’, he says.

‘We talked about this, Mike, don’t you remember? I told you my niece has a thing at work tomorrow night, so I can’t go see her tomorrow. So I worked most part of the night and I worked this morning. We agreed on that. And I was going to leave early because I’m going shopping first.’

‘Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. Have fun and do me a favor, get yourself a new purse and get rid of that piece of trash you’re holding.’, he motions at Bill’s bag.

Thank you Mike, you just saved me from having to explain why I leave with Bill’s bag and don’t come home with it. Also you just handed me an excuse to buy a new bag. There isn’t a girl in the world who wouldn’t love that.

‘I will, but I have to go now, or else I’ll have to rush. And rushing is bad for me.’, I send Mike a sweet smile and walk past him.

It’s in the elevator, when I finally dare to release my breath and allow my heart rate to slow back down again. I fucking did it, I lied to Mike and got away with it. Now there’s phase two, keeping the lies up and don’t get caught. A task easier said than done, since Mike’s everywhere.

It’s exactly why I decided to go shopping first. In case he decides not to trust me and follow me, or have one of his nasty friends follow me. They will see me doing, just as I said I was going to do and leave me alone. They won’t be following me around through the shopping malls and lingerie shops for about an hour, I know that for a fact. Yeah, I guess you could say I have some experience.

So as mentioned above, I spend the following hour doing some shopping. Of course I’ve bought myself a new bag too, before I take a cab to Tom’s apartment.

To be save, Tom, Bill, Heather and I made a whole plan, just in case Mike would change his always so predictable ways, and would decide to follow me here as well. So when I arrive at the front door, Tom opens it and pulls me towards him. As we kiss briefly, he has both hands on my ass and pushes me a little closer.

Soon we break off the kiss and send each other some seductive looks, before walking back into his apartment. This way we made it look like I am visiting a client. Then when Mike asks me why I went here, instead of my niece, I’ll just tell him a client called me and offered so much money to spent a couple of hours with him, I just couldn’t refuse.

‘Felt like you’ve been doing this before.’, I give Tom a playful push after which I take off my coat.

‘Well, no. But thanks, I guess.’, he chuckles awkwardly. It took us a while to convince him why he needed to do this, but eventually we got through to him.

‘So, Bill is in the living room. I will be in my room. So if you guys need anything, find me, okay? I think Bill knows by now, how the coffee maker works. Have fun.’, he continues.

‘Thanks.’, I smile at him, ‘For everything, by the way.’

He nods and smiles back, after which he disappears into his bedroom. I walk through the corridor and into the living room, to find Bill sitting on the couch. He already looks a lot better than three days ago, when I last saw him. The scratches on his face seem to be healing pretty nicely and he actually seems calm. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him like this.

Last but not least, I notice he looks stunning. His hair and make-up are just pure perfection and he’s wearing clothes that actually fit him. He’s already told me, Tom bought them for him, but I couldn’t imagine they would look this good on him. I never saw him wearing every day clothes.

‘Hey pretty baby.’, I say as he doesn’t seem to notice me, too drowned in his, also new, phone.

He looks up at me and his face lights up even more. He gets up from the couch and walks over to me, to give me a big hug.

‘You look amazing!’, I continue.

‘Thanks, I also feel so much better already. Tom has been taking the best of care of me ever since I got here. He even changed his mind on the coke thing. I get to use, but he asked me to keep it to a minimum and he asked me to think about quitting eventually. I think I want that, but I’m not sure when.’, he says and I notice he sounds different too.

‘Good for you! I’m so glad he was there to save you.’

‘Coffee?’, he asks as we let go of each other.

‘Please, yes, I feel completely drained.’

‘Rough night?’

‘Yeah, I had to work a huge part of the night and this morning, to be able to make it here. I also had to do a three way. It’s nice, because it pays a lot, but it also sucks all the energy from you and as I said, after that I still had to go on for a couple of hours.’, I sigh.

He nods and hugs me again, before I follow him into the kitchen.

‘Isn’t it super weird, to like, be living on the streets one day and be living here the next? It’s huge man, it’s huge and so awesome!’

‘I know, right? I sometimes look around and really have to pinch myself, to make sure I’m not dreaming or making this up in order to try to forget about the shit Mike pulled on me these last few months.’, he says.

We stay silent for a minute, both of us don’t seem to want to get into the Mike subject any deeper. It will ruin the fun times.

‘So, how was kissing my brother? Did you even kiss for real? Or was it one of those fake, no tongue ones?’, he asks as he grins at me playfully.

‘No, we kissed for real. He went all for it, even grabbing my ass. Your brother is an awesome kisser. If I didn’t know any better, I would make it my life goal to get him on top of me one day.’, I grin back.

‘It sounds so weird for me to say this now, but I know how he can make you go crazy by just kissing you.’

‘You remember that?’, I stare at my best friend wide eyed, ‘You were baked as fuck, man. How can you remember stuff like that after two years and the amount of drugs you used in between.’

‘It’s not the kissing, why I remember that night so clearly, it’s because he touched me first. He really cared about me reaching my high and he really cared about me enjoying it just as much as he did. Those things made him so different from all the others I had. And on top of that, like I told you, I felt so insanely safe with him. Now I know why, but back then I didn’t understand it at all.’, he chuckles briefly, ‘I remember we took a shower after he fucked me and we just stood there and I kissed him for minutes on end. We were just standing there, kissing until our lips were sore. And now, sometimes when my hormones are bugging me, I wish we never found out we were brothers. Then I would have just jumped him one day to give the story a part two.’

‘I feel your pain, I mean, who doesn’t get weak knees when he enters the room?’, I chuckle too.

‘Speaking of weak knees, you should meet his best friend. Holy shit, the guy made me a stuttering idiot. I never stutter!’

‘When did you meet him?’

‘The day after Tom brought me here. We came back from shopping and both were exhausted, neither of us would’ve had the energy to cook. So like he sensed it, Tom’s best friend called and offered to cook for us. Turns out he not only looks like Vogue’s next cover model, he also works as a chef, which means the food was freaking heaven.’

‘So, is he gay?’, I ask as we walk back into the living room, both holding a steaming mug of fresh coffee.

‘He is.’, Bill says and then takes a zip of his coffee.

‘But? I sense a but.’

‘But he’s currently dating. So, no fun for me. At least, not right now.’

‘Ah, you poor little Billy.’, I tease him by making my voice sound real childish and pinching his cheek. Of course he slaps away my hand.

‘Don’t do that and don’t call me that.’, he murmurs.

Bill hates it when I call him Billy, he never really told me why, but I think I know. It wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what Mike called him during the rapes. When after he drained all the energy from Bill by slapping him and throwing him all across the room, he finally managed to pin him down to the bed and have his way. I imagine that’s when he would call my baby Billy.

I force myself to stop thinking about this and focus back on my conversation with Bill, which is and remains nowhere near Mike, for the rest of the evening. It’s around nine, when I leave Tom’s apartment again. Tom accompanies me to the front door and again kisses me in plain sight. After that he hands me 500 bucks, to validate my story to Mike even more if I have to.

When I’m in the cab back home, I text Tom: _‘Hey, do you want me to save the money and get it back to you if Mike doesn’t ask for it?’_

A quick reply from Tom comes in: _‘No, keep it either way. You need it more than I do.’_

I smile to myself and delete the messages. If Mike somehow gets a hold of my phone and sees these, all hell will break loose. At the same time, I make a mental note to think of something to do for Tom. He’s been helping me and Bill out so much, there’s has to be a way to thank him for that, right? Maybe I’ll just bring him a pack of cigarettes the next time I go there, it’s small, but it’s something.

Speaking of cigarettes, I haven’t had one in hours. I expected Bill and I would have a smoke together, but somehow we were just too busy talking. So I decide to first have a smoke, before I enter my apartment building. I could also smoke inside my apartment, but I rather just don’t do that, considering the fact that I take clients there sometimes and not all of them like the smell.

When I almost finished my cigarette, about to drop it on the floor and walk inside, another cab pulls up in front of me. The doors open and Liam and Michelle jump out of it. They walk over to hug me and light up a cigarette themselves as well. Without thinking, I decide on having a second one.

‘So, how was Bill doing?’, Liam asks.

‘What do you mean, how was Bill doing? I didn’t see him. I don’t want to see that weak son of a bitch ever again. He ran out on us and I’ll never forgive him for that and I never want to see him again. If he dares to return here ever again, I will be there to help Mike kick his ass all over the place.’, I state.

‘Beth, relax, drop the act. Mike is out for business and wouldn’t be back until midnight, you don’t have to worry he’s going to show up any time soon.’, Liam puts a hand on my shoulder, ‘Let me ask again, how was Bill doing?’

‘Sorry, I just have to be careful.’, I apologize, ‘Bill is doing great, so much better then three days ago, when I last saw him. He was so at ease and cheerful, it had been ages since I last saw him like that. His brother is taking amazing care of him, providing him with everything he needs. He got new, very nice clothes, a new phone and a new laptop. And you can really see he’s eating and holding it in again, he looked really happy and healthy.’

‘So good to hear that.’, Michelle smiles at me, after which she pouts, ‘Though I miss my bunny face.’

‘He misses you too, sweetie, he misses all of us. He told me to give all of you hugs and kisses and a lot of love. He hopes that one day he can solve things with Mike and will be able to visit us. But until then, he said you guys should always remember he loves you to death.’

‘So, you want to get inside? Have some drinks and a few lines of coke? Tell us all about your night?’, Liam suggests after they both hugged me again, as a thank you for saying that.

‘Sure!’

All three of us finish our cigarettes and then finally walk into the apartment building. Michelle is a few steps ahead of us, trying to convince a client on the phone, that she really isn’t available anymore for tonight. That gives me the perfect opportunity to pull Liam’s attention.

‘By the way, Bill told me to give you a couple more kisses. He wants you to know he thinks about you too.’, I try to speak softly, so Michelle won’t hear us.

Liam looks up at me and gives me a bright smile. It’s not like he and Bill were, or have ever been in a relationship. They have, however, a special connection and they have been fooling around with each other more than once.

During periods of weakness or sadness, there were always two people Bill would run to and crawl into bed with. Me or Liam. With me, nothing more than cuddling ever happened, but with Liam it almost always ended in hot sex. At least, those were the words Bill always used to describe it and I think Liam wouldn’t disagree.

Bill and Liam weren’t the only ones fucking each other in this building, it happened multiple times between multiple people. I too, had a couple of three ways, which had absolutely nothing to do with work. You know, we’re people too, we need to release sexual tension once in a while too.

But there is one person in here, who made a really bad choice in who to fuck off hours, according to us. It’s Jessica, she fucks Mike on a voluntary basis. Even though she knows what Mike has done to some of us, for example Bill and me. It’s reason one, why none of us trusts her with information about Bill. She sometimes asks, but we just act like we don’t know anything.

‘By the way, before I tell you guys more, you have to swear not to say a word to Jess. You know how things went down with Stacey. If Nick wouldn’t have been there, Stacey wouldn’t either.’, I tell my friends, to reassure myself. Of course they both nod.

There you have reason two for not trusting Jessica. Stacey, who now works at Foxxies permanently, went through something that was very close to Bill’s story. She was having a very hard time with keeping Mike happy. She wanted to, but her body just refused and her energy level went lower and lower. Of course, Mike got pissed, because Stacey couldn’t pay him as much as he expected. So he started hitting and raping her, until it drove her crazy and she ran.

We all were very worried, like we were for Bill and all we hoped for was a sign of life. Sadly enough, we weren’t the ones receiving it first, it was Jessica. There was no way we could have protected Stacey from what happened next. Jessica told Mike and Mike went for Stacey and dragged her back here, did a similar thing to her as what he did to Bill. The difference was, Stacey couldn’t get away again and didn’t have family out there, looking for her. So she was forced to stay.

Because she couldn’t get her own money, Mike send her to Foxxies to do all sorts of insane long shifts. Nick, the bartender and owner over there, and Mike’s best friend, started to notice something was off. He started to worry about Stacey’s condition and went to talk to Mike, of course Mike refused to tell him what exactly happened, so he asked Stacey herself.

Stacey decided she didn’t really have anything to lose and told Nick everything. How he and Mike are still friends after hearing that, doesn’t make any sense to me at all. But anyway, Nick hired Stacey to permanently work for him. To keep Mike off her ass, Nick pays his friend a certain amount of money a month. So everything had a happy end after all, but we decided then, that we would never ever trust Jessica again.

‘So, tell us, what did you guys talk about?’, Liam asks as we all had some lines of coke, and now are on his bed with a glass of whiskey.

I decide to tell them everything from beginning to end. How Bill and I talked for hours on end about memories we share, what happened these last few weeks and of course about Tom. About him finding out that Tom wasn’t just the guy he fucked a few years ago, Tom is his twin brother. I also tell them about the little act Tom and I pulled, just in case Mike would be spying on me.

‘Oh and last but not least, we talked about his biological mother, what Tom had told him about her. And then he told me what name his biological mother gave him. Jesse!’, because of the drugs and the alcohol, I burst out in hysterical laughter, ‘Tom and Jesse!’

Liam and Michelle are looking at me, like I’ve gone crazy, but when I tell them it immediately reminded me of “Tom and Jerry”, they laugh along with me.

‘I think Bill fits him better.’, Liam says.

‘I told him that too.’, I chuckle.

Just a few seconds later, the door flies open and Mike walks in on our little get together. He pins his eyes on me as he walks over to us.

‘Bethany, a word, please.’, he sounds calm, but I know he isn’t.

My heart is beating so fast with fear as I get up, it even skips a few beats. This is going to be bad, this is going to be so bad.

‘You are going to tell me everything, you understand? You lying whore.’, Mike hisses in my ear as we walk over to my apartment. One of his hands has a tight grip around my upper arm, to make sure I don’t run, while he slaps the back of my head with the other.

As soon as we enter my apartment, Mike throws me against the wall. He slaps me hard in the face for about three times, before he asks: ‘Where is he?!’

‘I… I don’t know. How many times do I have to tell you that before you…’, a blow in my stomach leaves me gasping for air, not able to speak.

‘Don’t lie to me, bitch, you know and you will tell me!’

‘I don’t know Mike, get the fuck off me!’, I yell and try to push him away by placing both my hands against his chest. To my surprise, I manage to push him against the wall on the other end of the hall.

‘Fuck you.’, I sneer and walk further into my apartment.

Like I said, and like I always warn my friends, it’s never smart to go against Mike. There is a reason why I always tell them that, I know what happens when you do. Because like Bill, I’ve been doing it all the time.

This time, of course Mike comes after me and starts to beat the crap out of me until I’m a sobbing mess on the ground. It may sound stupid, but the first thing I think is how happy I am I won’t go see Heather this week, because of today. She would never let me get back here and would force me to quit this job, more then she already does. This time she would take me hostage if she had to.

Soon enough my thoughts are back to the here and now, as I hear Mike unbutton his pants. No way, not now, no way in hell!

‘Okay, I’ll tell you!’, I cry out as he kneels down next to me, ready to dive on top of me.

‘Smart move, sugar.’, he murmurs as he grabs me by my hair, to yank me up to a sitting up position, ‘Talk!’

‘For starters, I really don’t know where he is exactly. He called me this afternoon, while I was out shopping. He called me from a phone booth, so I didn’t see a number or anything. He said he wanted to let me know he was doing alright and I shouldn’t be worrying about him. When I asked him where he was now, he told me he was in Brooklyn. He’s hoping to still be able to find his foster parents, because in his words, anything would be better than working for you. But he hadn’t found them yet, so he must still be out there somewhere.’, I make up the whole story. I will never tell him where Bill is, even if it will mean my death.

‘Fine, then I will be looking for him in Brooklyn. If I find out you’ve been lying to me again, I’ll be back and I will make you bleed in more ways than one, you nasty bitch. Don’t ever play games with me again.’, he spits in my face and pushes me back down to the floor.

I decide not to respond to him and lay still on the floor. I wait for him to get back up and walk out of my apartment. The door slams shut behind him so hard, I’m sure the whole building heard it.

I close my eyes and allow myself to cry for a few minutes, before I get up. With tears still running down my face, I start to clean up my apartment again. Mike threw some stuff around and I knocked some stuff on the floor myself too, during the part where Mike decided to throw me around.

After everything is back to normal again, I walk back over to Liam’s. My phone was lying next to me, when Mike barged in and from the corner of my eye, I saw Liam snatch it away and hide it under his pillow. That way Mike couldn’t get a hold of my phone and see all the text massages Bill and I shared on my way home, which I hadn’t deleted yet. I’m very thankful to Liam, but it means I now have to go back to get it. I need to warn Bill.

When I walk back into Liam’s apartment, two shocked faces are looking at me. Michelle is the first one to move and hug me. I lean into her arms and cry again.

‘How does he know?’, Liam asks after a few minutes of listening to my sobs.

‘I don’t know, maybe he heard us talk and stayed around to listen. I don’t know, I don’t get it. Can you give me my phone?’, I ask back as I let go of Michelle. Liam nods and hands me my phone.

I take it from him and start to type a text to Bill:

_‘Sweetie, Mike knows I’m in touch with you. I told him you were in Brooklyn, hoping to move back in with your foster parents. He’s going to look for you over there. So I stalled him for now, but I’m not sure how long I can keep on doing this. Please, be careful. I love you.’_


	10. Tom

It’s Friday, eight days after I found Bill on that sidewalk. Also this will be my first day of work this week. I’m not used to having time off during workdays, so I’m kind of happy I can go back to work now.

Speaking of things I’m not used to, sharing my house is definitely one of them as well. For the last five years I’ve been living alone and that suddenly stopped a week ago. I know it was my idea, but still.

I take a deep breath and walk into the living room, where I find Bill on the couch in his PJ’s, smoking a cigarette.

‘Good morning.’, I start.

‘Hi.’, he replies and then he looks up at me, I can see his eyes widen, ‘Wow, hello Mr. hot shot!’

‘It wouldn’t have been weird if you told me that two years ago, but now it kind of is.’

‘Why? I’m allowed to tell you my opinion, aren’t I?’

‘You can tell your boyfriend he looks hot, Bill, but we’re brothers. You don’t tell your brother he looks hot.’, I chuckle.

‘Well, I do.’

‘Fine.’, I decide to drop this useless discussion and walk into the kitchen.

These little conversations between me and Bill, show me how different his view on the world must be. How his sense of how to handle things in the “normal” world, is close to none existent. For example last week, we went for groceries and Bill thought it was perfectly normal for him to tell the lady behind the counter, she looked like shit. Things like that, he just doesn’t understand you just don’t do that.

Those are moments it becomes very clear to me that nobody ever raised him, nobody ever taught him what’s right and what isn’t. To teach him that, at the age of 27, is going to be pretty hard. But I am going to try, because I want him to have a bright future, in which he’ll be able to discover his dreams and live them. I want him to have the chances he should have gotten years ago, a chance for a normal life.

‘Do you want breakfast?’, I call out to Bill from the kitchen.

‘Yes, but I could make some myself too, if you’re in a hurry.’, he replies.

‘Not really. So, bacon and eggs?’

‘Yes!’

I smile at that joyful reply and start to make breakfast. Because of Bill, I decided not to go to the office before my appointment with judge Jones. So yeah, there’s plenty of time for breakfast. I have to leave home in about an hour.

‘So, are you nervous about staying here alone? You know I won’t be home before six, right?’, I ask after we ate breakfast in silence.

‘Stop treating me like a child, please. Of course I’m not nervous. It’s not like this will be the first time I’m home alone.’, he sighs.

I decide not to respond to this. His walls are still up pretty high, not a bone in his body is thinking of showing some weakness or vulnerability to me. Of course I understand it’s going to take time for him to drop them and trust me, but it’s hard sometimes. I’m just trying to look after him and the fact that he doesn’t always seem to appreciate that, can be hurtful.

‘Heather is coming over for dinner tonight, is that okay?’, let’s try another subject.

‘Sure it is. If you just text me a shopping list, I’ll get groceries.’, he suggests.

‘Well…’

‘Well, what?’

‘What if Mike is out there looking for you?’

‘He’s not, he’s in Brooklyn. Bethany told him I went back there, to see if I could move back in with my foster parents.’

‘Sooner or later he’ll find out you’re not there.’

‘Sooner or later, but sure as hell not today. So, do I have to go for groceries or not?’, again Bill sounds irritated.

When I stay silent a little too long for his taste, he sighs and gets up from the couch. He mumbles something like: ‘You know what? Fine…’ right before he slams the door of his bedroom shut behind him.

With a loud sigh I lean back into the couch. Heather told me I could contact her, whenever there was a situation I didn’t know how to handle. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do right now. I grab my phone out of my pocket and send Heather a text:

_‘Hey, so, Bill stormed out on me again. He came up with the idea to get groceries for tonight by himself, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have him outside, with nobody around to protect him if needed. So I told him my doubts and now he’s pissed off again. Should I have just let him go?’_

_‘Did you tell him your doubts, or did you just tell him you don’t want him to go?’_ , Heather responds quickly.

_‘I told him I was afraid Mike would be out there. He said that’s not possible, because Bethany told Mike Bill is in Brooklyn, so Mike is there to look for him. After that he asked me again about getting the groceries and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him yes, so I didn’t say anything. I guess he took that as a no and then he stormed out.’_

_‘He’s an adult too, Tom, he’s allowed to make his own decisions. Imagine how it would be if someone would basicly tell you no. Wouldn’t it piss you off as well? You’re allowed to tell him how you feel about him getting out on his own, but yes, you should have just let him go if he really wanted to.’_

I really like Heather for not picking sides. For not being afraid to tell me when I’m wrong, even when she likes me. It’s really something I need right now.

_‘You should become a social worker.’_ , I grin when I press send.

_‘To let you in on a little secret, it would have been my second choice if becoming a private investigator wasn’t going to work out.’_ , she replies and I smile again.

After I put my phone back in my pocket, I get up from the couch as well. Just as I want to walk over to Bill’s room, the door opens and he walks back into the living room. He acts like I’m not here and goes for the cabinet in which we keep his coke, without even looking at me.

‘Bill, can we talk? Please?’, I ask.

‘No. Just send me that shopping list and I’m going to the store, whether you like it or not. You can’t expect me to stay in like a prisoner every time you’re not around. I will get the fuck out whenever I fucking want to, is that clear?’, Bill sneers, not turning around to face me.

‘I don’t mean to make you feel like a prisoner, I just don’t want anything to happen to you. Why can’t you just see that I’m trying to take care of you here? Why does every fucking thing offend you?’, I start to lose my temper as well.

‘Because you suffocate me sometimes, alright?’, Bill now turns around, not to face me, but to cut the left over coke in lines, ‘You treat me like I can’t do shit myself, like I don’t know shit, like I can’t take care of myself. Well, here’s a newsflash, taking care of myself and defending myself is all I did my fucking entire life!’

‘Maybe I treat you like that, because you’ve proven to me that you indeed don’t know shit.’

‘What did you just say?!’, Bill’s face has turned bright red with anger as he finally looks up at me.

‘You tell a fucking innocent girl at the grocery store she looks like shit, for no reason! When I tell you, you shouldn’t have done that, I seriously surprise you with that fact. That’s only a small part of all the things you don’t seem to get yet. And then you’re being a real jerk to me right now for going at me like this, when all I try to do is help you. It might just be time for you to accept that you’re going to need someone to get back out there. Would be really nice if you could start doing that soon. Because all you’re doing right now is pushing away the only fucking person who cares for you!’

The minute I finished my outraged speech, I start to regret every word I just said. But I realize he won’t believe me if I tell him that right away, so I just decide to stay silent. Bill also doesn’t seem to want to talk to me anymore, so I quietly watch him as he snorts in the coke. Four lines this time, probably to forget about all this as soon as possible, or at least to not feel the pain from the words that just came out of my mouth.

As soon as he’s done, he cleans up after himself and walks over to me with the empty bag in his hand. He hands it over to me and says: ‘If you really want to take care of me, get me some coke on your way back home. We’re out.’, after which he disappears into his room again.

‘Fuck.’, I whisper to myself, ‘What the hell is wrong with me?’

I stare down at the little plastic bag in my hand and realize that Bill is right. The least I could do right now is get him some more of his beloved white powder. So I decide to text Ben right away to get me some.

It’s not that I’m too chicken to do it myself, it’s just too dangerous. Half of the city knows my name, so if one of my clients sees me buying drugs and goes to tell the press about it, I’m done. No one is ever going to hire a lawyer from a firm who’s CEO might be high all the time.

After I send the text to Ben, I decide to write down a shopping list and leave it on the table in front of the couch. I guess Bill will be out of his room as soon as I left the house. He has to, because his cigarettes are still on the couch and he won’t survive without them all day. So he will definitely see the shopping list and then he can decide for himself what he’s going to do with it.

Speaking of cigarettes, I haven’t had one yet this morning, so I take one out of my own package and walk over to the hallway while holding it between my lips. I really have to go now, so I’m going to have to smoke in the car.

On my way over to the courthouse, I try to stop thinking of Bill and what just happened, and start to think of the things I’m going to say to the judge. It’s going to be really hard to convince her. I’ve known judge Jones since I started working as a lawyer 5 years ago and had plenty of discussions with her over the years, so I know what I’m in for. Though, I think none of my suggestions to win a case, have ever sounded this ridiculous to her.

The most important thing of all will be, not to show her that I’m pretty nervous about this one. She has to be under the impression that I know what I’m doing, that I’m sure the hacker is going to find something. If I don’t manage to do that, she won’t even consider it.

After another cigarette in front of the court house, I decide to walk in. Inside, Ben is already waiting for me. Even he seems to be a little nervous, when he doesn’t even have to go in there with me. He’s just here to hear the results first hand. I walk over to him and we shake hands as a greeting.

‘So, how do you feel? Do you think this is going to work?’, Ben asks.

‘I kind of have to. If this doesn’t work, we’re losing the case and there will be no way back.’, I reply.

‘Mr. Trumper?’, I then hear a very familiar voice behind me.

I turn around, wearing my most polite smile and walk over to the woman standing in the doorway of her office. When I reach her, she greets me with a firm handshake and says: ‘Good morning, Mr. Trumper. Always a pleasure to see you.’

‘Pleasure is all mine.’, I reply as I sit down on one of the chairs in front of het desk. She offers me coffee and then sits down on her desk chair on the opposite side of me.

‘So, what can I do for you?’, she asks.

‘Well, I’m here to talk to you about the Mr. Davis case. As you know he is my client and I always tend to go above and beyond for my clients, when I feel they are being treated the wrong way. In this case, I feel that way strongly. I checked Mr. Davis’s past and found no record at all, aside from the noise complaints when he had a fight with his daughter. He never did anything that might concern you that much, you’d think he would be capable of murdering his daughter. So I think something else is happening here, I think somebody might be paying police, to tell us the things they are telling us right now. I don’t mean to sound rude, but it wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened in the state of New York. I want to prove to you and the jury, that I’m right, but to do that I need your permission for something. Through the private investigator my firm hired for several cases, we found someone who’s able to hack into the police system. That way he will be able to see what really has been going on here. His name is Tim Carson and he is very experienced.’, my mouth is dry at the end of my speech and I quickly take a zip of coffee.

‘To be clear, what you’re asking me right now, is to give you permission to hack into the computer system of our police department?’

‘Yes, ma’am, that is indeed what I’m asking.’

‘Are you aware that when I give you permission to do that, you have to be right? Because if you’re not, your days as a lawyer are probably over?’

‘Yes, ma’am, I’m fully aware of that.’

‘How sure are you that you’re right about this?’, she asks after a nerve wrecking silence.

‘I am a hundred percent sure, my client wouldn’t hurt a fly and I want to prove that, even if it will be the last thing I ever do.’, I feel like this is my final change to convince her, so I have to take it.

‘Well, in that case you should consider yourself a very lucky man, for me to trust you this much. Go ahead and do as you think is right. I’ll see you in court next week.’

As soon as she said that, adrenaline starts to rush through my body. I did it! I freaking did it and it wasn’t even that hard! All the hope I lost during this case, is all coming back now. We’ll win this, we just have to.

‘Thank you so much, your Honor, I’ll see you next week.’, I reply as I try not to grin. I quickly take my last zips of coffee and then leave the office. As soon as I’m out, I decide to not hold in the grin any longer.

‘You did it?’, Ben asks as his eyes widen.

‘I sure as hell did!’, the grin on my face grows even wider.

While talking about my little victory, me and Ben walk out of the courthouse, over to my car. When we get inside the car, Ben hands the coke over to me and I give him money.

‘He uses a lot of that stuff, doesn’t he?’, Ben asks when we’re on our way to the office.

‘He does, but he says that before this was just enough for two days, now it took him a week to empty it out. So he’s doing better. But before we start a whole conversation about him, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.’, I quickly cut off the conversation.

I mean it, I really don’t want to talk or think about Bill right now, not while I’m working. So when I call Heather to tell her the good news, and she asks me about him, I tell her the same thing. No Bill talk, not right now.

When Ben and I arrive at the office, we first call Mrs. Davis, to tell her the good news as well. She asks me if this means we will win the case and as much as I want to say yes, I don’t. As much as I’m sure about this, it’s still not right for me to tell her my personal feelings and thoughts about this. I have to keep it professional. So the only thing I’m allowed to tell her, is that there is some more hope now.

After the phone call to Mrs. Davis, we also call Tim. He too is very excited about the news and promises us to start the project as soon as possible. He hopes to give us results by next morning, but also warns us things like this can take a lot of time, since computer systems of police departments aren’t that easy to hack into.

With a hopeful feeling, Ben and I add our new accomplishments to Mr. Davis’s file, to be able to prove anything in case we need to. After we did that, Ben leaves my office to get lunch and Andreas enters with mine only seconds later.

I get up from behind my desk and walk over to him to give him a hug, the sad look on his face almost made me do it.

‘Hey, are you feeling better?’, I ask.

‘Well, I haven’t cried for the last twelve hours, so I guess.’, he replies, followed by a deep sigh.

Remember Chris? The guy Andreas was talking about on the day I got that letter from my mom? Well, the son of a bitch broke my best friend’s heart. Andreas took my advice to go and talk to him, ask him if he wanted to make it official, if he wanted them to be exclusive. The answer he got was far from what he had hoped for.

Chris told Andreas that he “sure was fun and all”, but just not boyfriend material. Chris said he wasn’t looking for a relationship because love has never been something he believed in. To top it all off, he confessed to seeing other people while dating Andreas. So yeah, the sucker played a nasty game.

‘I just don’t get it. Everything was so perfect, we could talk about anything and he made me feel so special. He even once said I love you back to me, when I said it. How can someone say things like that and don’t mean them?’, Andreas says as we sit down on the couch, both unpacking our lunch.

‘Did you ask him that?’, I ask.

‘I did.’

‘What did he say?’

‘He said he didn’t want to deal with me getting pissed off over him not saying it back.’

‘Are you fucking kidding me?!’, I cry out as anger starts to boil inside of me once again. Andreas is like my little brother, when you’re messing with him, you’re messing with me. I love the guy to death and I protect him with all that is in me. Why do guys like Chris always feel the need to take advantage of him, when he has already been through so much? I hate them, every single one of them.

‘Are you sure his face doesn’t need a little fist treatment?’, I ask.

‘No, Tom, you are not going to hit him. I don’t want this to turn into a Jim like situation. The guy is just a piece of shit, he’s not worth your time or the risk of getting arrested again.’, Andreas sighs again.

When the thing with Jim happened, I wasn’t planning on getting my hands on him, I was just going to let the police solve things. But when I saw him sitting in a bar, right in front of me, I just lost it. I beat the crap out of the guy and of course police happened to be just around the corner. So yeah, it meant I had to spend the night in jail.

‘But he hurt you and I can’t stand that.’, I sigh as well.

‘I know, and I love you for that, but it’s not going to solve anything to act on it.’

‘I know, you’re right. But promise me you’ll stop crying over him, cause he’s not worthy of your tears either. You just have to keep your hopes up and believe me when I tell you, Mr. right is out there! I can feel it, someone is going to love you the way you should be loved. Until that day, I promise to love you as much as I can, okay?’

‘Okay.’, a small smile appears on Andreas’s face when he looks up at me, ‘Thanks.’

‘Bill is cute, though.’, he says after a short silence.

I almost choke on my bagel and give Andreas a hard push, which causes him to burst out laughing.

‘No, no, no, no! We’re not going there. That would be weird on so many levels.’, I object followed by yet another cough, since a little crump of bagel is still stuck in my throat.

‘Why would that be weird?’, Andreas asks, ‘You said it yourself, the first time you told me about him. He just has something over him, something that draws your attention to him. And let’s be honest, he’s fucking hot.’

‘Well, first of all, he’s my little brother…’

‘By a ten minute difference, yeah.’

‘Shut up, I was talking. So, he’s my little brother and you’re my best friend. Second of all, I already fucked him, so when you’ll tell me stories, I’ll be able to picture it all. Well, no thanks. And last, we’re twins, so you fucking him, is basicly the same as you fucking me. I love you, but yuk.’

‘Who says I’m going to fuck him? Who says I’m going to do anything at all? All I said was I think he’s hot.’, Andreas has an amused grin on his face.

‘I know you haven’t said that yet, but promise me you never will. Promise me you won’t fall in love with Bill.’

‘I promise.’

‘Thanks.’

‘But then you have to promise me, not to fall in love with Heather.’, again the amused grin and again me almost choking on my bagel.

‘What?!’

‘You heard me.’

‘I’m not falling in love with her. Aren’t we a little too old for the “can you or can you not be friends with a girl” discussion? We’re friends okay, that’s it.’

‘Then why are you acting like I just discovered your biggest secret?’

‘Am I?’, I quickly take another bite of my bagel.

‘Yeah you are. If you really didn’t have feelings for her, you would’ve just stayed calm and told me that. Now you should have seen your face when I said that, and then the choking. You’re busted, mister.’, Andreas pushes my arm playfully.

‘I hate you, you know that?’, I mumble.

‘No you don’t, you just told me something completely different. So, it’s true?’

‘I’m not sure, okay?’, since I just took the last bite of my bagel, there is no more hiding behind it anymore. So I’m kind of forced to look my best friend in the eye.

‘Why not?’, he asks.

‘Well, I like her, I do. She is a very sweet girl and she’s done so much for me. And to put in in your words, she’s hot as fuck too. But I’m just not sure if the way I feel about her, is because I’m falling for her, or because I appreciate all the things she’s doing so much. Not only for me, but for Bill as well, she’s really been a rock for both of us, and still is.’

‘Has there been flirting?’

‘Not sure about that either, I’d say there has been, but maybe to her it was just trying to be nice. Maybe it’s the way she treats all of her friends, or maybe it’s just who she is.’

‘Tell me something you thought was flirting.’, Andreas suggests.

‘I don’t really have an example. It’s just the way we are around each other. Me making some lame jokes and her giggling that cute giggle of hers. The feeling that you can just say anything to the other person and nothing sounds weird to them. But other times she goes all business and distant, so I just don’t know. It’s confusing, let’s leave it at that. I guess we’ll know more when clothes are coming off.’, I grin.

‘So you want to do her?’, Andreas grins too.

‘God, yes. But that’s not a new fact, I’ve been wanting that ever since she set foot in my office the first time. Mentally undressing her, was about the first thing I did.’

‘Oh, right, now I remember you told me that. How long has it even been for you?’

‘I think it was my last birthday, when you paid that lap dance for me as a birthday gift. Things went far further between me and that girl that night.’

‘But dude, that’s almost a year ago!’, Andreas’s eyes widen.

‘I know, but I’ve been so busy with everything that was going on here and in my personal life, there was just no time. And to be honest, I didn’t really think of it either. I know that sounds weird coming from me, but it’s true.’

Andreas shakes his head and laughs in disbelief. We continue to talk for the next 20 minutes, but then it’s time for me to get back to work. Andreas himself has to get back to work as well.

The rest of the day, is so filled with calling clients, sending out emails, planning court dates, that it’s five thirty before I know it. I know I need to hurry home today, because if Bill decided that I could go fuck myself, and didn’t do the groceries, I still have to go. Heather will be there around seven and it would be nice if dinner is ready by then. I tried to text Bill, but he’s not responding to any of them.

Luckily for me, traffic is nice today and I arrive home at 6 o clock sharp. The first thing I notice is that it’s awfully quiet in the house. No TV, no music, no shower running. What the hell is happening here? I try to call out for Bill, but there’s not response to that either. The final shock comes when I walk into Bill’s bedroom and no one’s inside.

Pure panic enters my system and in a reflex, I grab my phone to call Heather. As usual, she picks up very fast.

‘Hey, what’s up?’, she asks.

‘My god, Heather, he’s gone!’, I answer, breath shaking with panic.

‘Who is? What happened?’

‘Bill… he… he’s gone!’

O my god, what did I do?!


	11. Heather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, so this is the last chapter I have written and now my inspiration is bailing on me. So I need a little help from you guys. Is there something you'd like to see happening, or do you have THE idea on how to continue this storie, please let me know! I'll give you credits and lots an lots of graditude! Thanks, and enjoy this one!

Tom and I sit in my car in silence, we just parked in front of his apartment building again. When he called me, I immediately dropped everything I was doing, and went over here. Tom was already outside, when I arrived, suggesting to go look for Bill. Of course I agreed and so that’s what we’ve been doing for the past two hours, but with no success.

‘How did this happen?’, Tom says lowly, as another tear runs down his cheek. He’s been crying ever since it became clear that we weren’t going to find Bill tonight, and decided to go home.

‘It’s not your fault, Tom, you don’t control his head.’, I place my hand on his leg gently.

‘It is my fault! I shouldn’t have said the things I said this morning. And I should have just trusted him and let him go to the groceries store. If I had done all that, there would be no reason for him to get upset with me and he would just be here.’

‘It’s true that you maybe shouldn’t have done that, but you should remember you didn’t tell him to go out in a dark city, where danger is everywhere. He choose to do that, he choose to leave his phone and keys behind. He locked himself out, you didn’t do all that. I get that you’re worried, but don’t start to blame yourself for things you have no control over.’

‘What if Mike got a hold of him?’, Tom starts to cry even harder and I pull him into my arms, ‘He’s going to… he won’t… he’ll die.’

‘Let’s not go there until we have to, okay?’, I stroke his hair in attempt to calm him down.

‘Where else could he be? He wouldn’t be so stupid to go over there by himself again, right? I just feel something has happened, or is happening right now. He’s done something stupid, why else would he willingly leave his phone and keys behind?’

‘Maybe because he needed time to himself and he knew that you would try to call him, when you found out he wasn’t inside?’

‘Don’t you worry?’, Tom asks as he looks up at me.

I let go of him to be able to look him in the eyes, without our faces being too close to each other.

‘Of course I worry, I just don’t want to think about things that could have happened to him, it will only make me feel worse. I just try to put all my energy into hoping he’ll come home soon. Maybe you should too, because it’s all you can really do right now.’, I reply.

Tom takes a deep breath next to me and wipes the tears of his face. He pulls his phone out to check if anyone called yet, to tell us they saw Bill somewhere, but still nothing. He sighs again and looks up at me.

‘Do you want to go upstairs? I could make us some sandwiches or something?’, he suggests.

‘Yeah, sounds good.’

He nods slowly and leaves the car first. I take a little more time, because I have to grab my bag from the backseat. When I have one foot out of the car, I hear a loud yell.

‘O my god, Bill!’, it’s Tom. Not even a second later, I can see Tom fly past the front of my car and he keeps running. My gaze follows him in the direction he’s running, that’s when I see it too. Bill’s silhouette is about ten meters away and walking in our direction. As soon as he notices Tom, he starts to run too, I notice he’s limping a little. O god…

When the two reach each other, Bill jumps into Tom’s arms and clings onto him very tightly. Tom, of course, immediately wraps his arms around his brother and covers him in a protective embrace. I can hear Bill cry, even from here.

Once I got out of my car, shut the door behind me and locked it, I walk slowly into the direction of the twins.

‘I’m so sorry.’, Bill breaths out, still crying hysterically.

‘No, don’t be, it’s okay. You’re safe now, I got you.’, Tom replies, he’s crying too.

‘You were right this morning, I’m just a stupid fuck and nobody out there cares about me.’

‘You’re not a stupid fuck and I wasn’t right for treating you the way I did this morning, there’s just a lot we both need to learn here. It’s a new situation to us both. But I want to fight to find a way to do this, I do, Bill.’

‘I… I want that too.’

After this little conversation, silence falls in between the twins again. Silence now and then broken by an sniff or a sob. After a few more minutes of hugging, they let go of each other and wipe their own faces. As soon as Bill notices me, he hugs me too.

‘I’m so glad you’re okay.’, I whisper to him.

‘Me too.’, he replies.

‘So, I think it’s best for me to go home. You two clearly need some time to talk things out. We’ll do dinner another time, it’s far too late anyway.’, I say as soon as I let go of Bill.

‘No, don’t leave now, please. We can still have a drink or something, right? Get ourselves something to eat?’, Bill suggests and that surprises me a little. I know we get along, but I somehow didn’t expect him to be the one who doesn’t want me to leave.

‘Yeah, I have to say I’m actually starving.’, I chuckle.

‘Well, take out menus are upstairs.’, Tom gives me a very suggestive look and I laugh.

‘Okay fine, let’s go upstairs.’

‘So, what should we order? Sushi?’, Tom suggests as the three of us walk into his apartment and sit down on the couch.

‘Ugh, yuk, sushi…’, Bill makes a grossed out face and shakes his head.

‘Then what do you want?’

‘I don’t know, pizza?’

‘Alright, fine.’, Tom starts to go through the take out menus that are on his lap, until he found one of a pizza place, he hands it over to Bill. ‘Pick one.’

With a satisfied look on his face, Bill takes the menu from his brother and starts to study it closely.

‘Do you see anything you like?’, I ask.

‘Mhm… well, I was thinking, maybe we could share a family size peperoni pizza?’, he suggests and looks up at us.

Just as I see Tom nod in approval, I go: ‘Ugh, yuk, peperoni…’

It has just the right effect, as the twins both stare at me in great disbelief, including wide eyes and dropped open mouth. It leaves me no choice but to burst out in laughter.

‘Are you serious?’, Tom recovers from the shock first.

‘Of course not.’, I wipe some tears from my face, ‘I love peperoni.’

Both twins nod slowly and laugh sheepishly. After that, Tom reaches for his phone and calls the pizza place to order us the pizza we picked out. It’s one of my favorite take out restaurants in town, so the thought of the pizza that will arrive in about twenty minutes, makes my mouth water.

In the next twenty minutes, nothing really happens. Tom made us coffee and is now next to me, scrolling through his phone, thereby following Bill’s example. It may all seem so peaceful, but I can feel the tension in the room. I really wonder where Bill went and what happened, what made him limp and what made him cry like that and I’m sure Tom is wondering the same.

Though I think it’s best to leave the asking about it to Tom. He’s the one who’s had the fight with Bill this morning, that obviously made Bill feel like he was no longer wanted here. So they are the ones who need to talk things out.

Other than that, he’s the brother and I’m just a… I don’t even know? And now that I think of it, that might be exactly why they both decide not to talk about it right now. But I was, and maybe still am, very worried too you know? I’d like to know what happened too. Not only because I care about Bill, but also because if this has something to do with Mike, Bethany might be in danger as well.

I try to calm myself down over that last thing, by telling myself that Bill would tell me, if Bethany were in danger. He would, right?

When Bill still hasn’t said anything about it when we finished dinner and smoked a cigarette, I start to lose my patience. And just as I’m ready to break the boundaries I just gave myself, he says: ‘I think you guys might be wondering what happened.’

‘Of course we are, but I didn’t want to bother you with it. I thought that maybe you wouldn’t want to talk about it right now.’, Tom replies.

‘I don’t, but I somehow feel like I have to. Things have to change and I think I will need help with that. Well, at least with some of it.’

‘You can tell us anything.’, I send Bill an encouraging smile.

‘Alright, so, I was really angry this morning. I couldn’t believe all the things you said to me and I really felt rejected by you.’, Bill looks over to Tom, ‘So I made a couple of stupid decisions. I remember some of the phone numbers of my former dealers and called one to hook me up with some oxy. Of course I needed some money for that, so I stole it from you. Don’t worry, I will pay you back as soon as possible.’

‘Wait, so you had a drug dealer at my doorstep? He knows where you are now? How much did you pay him?’, Tom asks.

‘No, I didn’t meet up with him here, I met up with him at my old apartment building. It was about 65 dollars, so I took about a hundred. I needed money for a cap too, so it’s all gone now. ’

‘Your old apartment building? Fucking hell, Bill, are you insane?!’, Tom raises his voice. I think he hasn’t even heard the part in which Bill said how much money he borrowed. To be fair, I kind of get that.

‘Please don’t be like this again. I’m trying to be honest and to explain here. If you decide to act like this, I might just as well stop talking. I don’t want to do this if all you are going to do is be pissed and calling me shit.’, Bill sighs.

‘Sorry, I… Sorry, go on.’

‘The drugs weren’t the only reason for me going there, I also really wanted to see my friends. I know how dangerous it was and I know I wasn’t thinking, I just went. See, I also have sort of a boyfriend there and Bethany told me he really misses me. I wanted to go hug him, tell him myself I wasn’t forgetting about him.’, Bill continues.

‘So, then what? Was Mike there? Did he touch you?’, I ask.

‘He wasn’t there at first, he was looking for me in Brooklyn and no one exactly knew when he would return. Bethany said something about two days from now, but as soon as I entered the building, she told me to get out because she wasn’t sure. Because of the drugs I took, I didn’t really care whether Mike would walk in or not, so I stayed. For the first part of the day, I actually had a good time. I even thought of going back there, just because in that moment, I wasn’t planning on ever going back here.’

‘What changed?’

‘Well, Mike came back and saw me and it wasn’t pretty.’, Bill sighs.

‘What did that motherfucker do to you?’, Tom is clearly struggling with staying calm once again, ‘Please tell me I finally have a good reason to kill the guy!’

‘He attacked me of course and tried to drag me into a random room to do god knows with me, but I punched him in the face. He dropped to the ground and that gave me just enough time to make a run for it. He tried to come after me, but I managed to shake him off eventually by jumping into a cab. I told the driver to just drive in a random direction, because someone was literally out to kill me, so he had to make it fast. We drove around the city for about twenty minutes, when he suddenly said I needed to give him an address by now. That’s when I realized there was really only one safe place for me to go, so I gave the guy the name of a street two blocks from here, and decided to go walk the rest of the way.’, Bill completes his story.

A short silence falls in between us as we all seem to need a moment to think about this. To analyze what we just heard and think of a way to respond to it. A way to not send Bill running for the hills again.

‘I guess what I really want to tell you guys once again is that I’m so sorry. I never should have done this to you, not after all you guys did for me. I feel safe for the first time in my life and I guess that’s just something I don’t know how to handle yet. All I know is that what I did today, is certainly not the way to do it. I seriously could have been killed…’, Bill stares at his hands all the time that he’s talking.

It indeed shows, once again, how he doesn’t know how to handle this situation. How to handle that he’s feeling things right now, he never felt before. Safety, regret.

‘You will fall flat on your face more than once, Bill and that’s fine, it has to happen for you to move on. But at least promise us one thing, count us in a little more in the future. We won’t be able to prevent you from falling down every once in a while, but we can protect you from these sort of things.’, I tell him.

‘I know, like I said, I want change and I know I can’t get there on my own. I need help and I want you guys to help me.’

‘What do you want us to help you with?’, Tom asks.

‘Well, for one I’d like to stop doing drugs. I want to learn how to function without it. I feel like quitting the drugs, is the only way of getting there. Today was a very good example of what that shit does to me and I don’t want that anymore. I just… I can’t be like this anymore. A couple of days ago, Tom, I remember you asking me if I didn’t want to feel like myself again. At that point I realized I don’t even know who that is and I’m dying to find out.’, Bill looks up at his twin.

‘So we need to find you a rehab center?’

‘Yeah, I guess, but I wanted to ask if you guys want to stay with me during detox. I really don’t want to do that on my own in an empty room, with just a bed and a bucket to puke in. I need someone there to hold me and to pull me through. Can you guys please, please, stay with me?’

‘Sure, sweetie.’, I place my hand on Bill’s leg and give him a reassuring smile, ‘When were you planning on doing this?’

‘As far as I know, Tom just got me some new coke this morning, so I was thinking to quit as soon as that stock is out. Maybe I could try to minimize my usage more and more, so that detox will be less of a bitch. So I guess it’s going to be in a week. Would that work for you?’, Bill looks from me to Tom and back again.

‘We’ll just make it work.’, Tom says.

‘Thanks.’, Bill smiles, ‘Really.’

‘And then after your detox, you want us to get you to rehab?’, I ask.

‘Yeah, that’s the plan. I know I can’t expect you to solve it all for me. I know there is a lot I need to work out in order to  get back on my feet. So yeah, I wanted to do that part there. But like I said, I don’t want to be alone when I go through hell.’

‘We understand, we’ll be here.’, I promise him.

‘By the way, I think it’s a very brave thing that you came up with this yourself. It shows you really want it.’

‘I think I kind of needed today to happen, to see for myself I can’t go on this way. So yeah, I really want this.’

Tom also sends Bill a smile as an answer, and squeezes his leg lightly.

‘So, tell us about the boyfriend.’, I try to lighten up the mood for a bit.

‘He’s not really my boyfriend, I think fuck buddy is a better word to describe it. Though it isn’t, things between Liam and me go deeper than that. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him, but he definitely means more to me than just a friend.’, Bill replies.

‘O, Liam! Wait, isn’t that the guy who asked to join us two years ago? Who you were making out with and later told me you were just doing that, because you guys were bored?’, Tom asks.

‘Yeah, him. Yeah, I didn’t really feel like getting all touchy feely to you about what was between Liam and I, so I made that one up.’

‘I keep forgetting about the fact that you guys had sex.’, I mumble.

‘I would really like that, if I were you.’, Bill chuckles.

‘Like what? Forgetting about it?’

He nods.

‘What? Why? It wasn’t that bad.’, Tom interferes.

‘No, the act itself wasn’t bad at all, I can still remember what it felt like to come that evening. And yeah, that in my case, is pretty special. But the fact that we did it and didn’t recognize each other, is kind of bad. I mean, it’s like looking into the freaking mirror!’, Bill explains.

‘Yeah, now it is. But back then you made sure I wouldn’t recognize you, you had so much make up on your face and you didn’t look at all like you do now. And on top of that, we were both high and I was pretty drunk too.’, Tom defends himself.

‘It was stupid, let’s just keep it at that.’

‘It wasn’t stupid, it’s never going to happen again, that’s different.’

‘I know, and sometimes I really hate that. Because you know, look at that face!’, Bill pouts and looks over to me, I just laugh.

‘And no, whether you like it or not, I will never stop telling you you’re hot, because you are, okay?’

‘Okay.’, Tom says.

After he said that that he gets up to get us a round of coffee. When he just disappeared into the kitchen, Bill turns to me. He grabs my hands and stares at me with eyes filled with fear.

‘I need to tell you something.’, he says.

‘What?’, a tight knot forms in my stomach, part of me already knows where this is going.

‘You need to get Bethany out of there, I mean it.’

‘Why? What’s happening?’

‘Mike takes all his anger towards me out on her, according to him she is the one who convinced me to leave. According to him all the choices I’m making right now, which of course he doesn’t like, are her fault. She lied to him multiple times to protect me and he knows that now too. I’m scared for her life, Heather, I really am. As far as I know, he never killed anyone, but I think we can all agree it wouldn’t be a weird thing if he did, one day. Or she tries to kill herself again.’, Bill swallows hard.

‘What do you mean, again?’, I breath out, tears filling my eyes, ‘What is he doing to her, Bill? I need you to tell me.’

‘O god, she hasn’t told you?’, Bill’s eyes grow wide.

I shake my head violently.

‘About two years ago, she had a bad time, she couldn’t get in enough money to satisfy Mike. So he started raping her and breaking her down mentally, telling her she was a useless ugly slut and stuff like that. She stayed strong for a very long time, but one night, it all became too much. She already tight a robe to the ceiling and was just about to hang herself, when I came into the room. I kind of held her down on the bed until she could think straight again and was able to talk, instead of do stupid stuff. Then she told me everything, up to that point I didn’t even know Mike raped her, so of course I was in shock. I convinced her to visit you and ask for money. I gave her some money as well and together we managed to pay her rent for three months and give Mike the money she owed him. After that, thank god, things got better.’, he tells me.

‘And what about right now?’, I ask.

‘Right now he’s trying to break her. He’s raping her and getting her exhausted by making her work insanely long shifts. The only way she can make it stop, he tells her, is when she tells him where I am right now. Trust me, Heather, I didn’t know this either, not until today. If I could I would have taken her with me, but I didn’t have time to run back and get her. I needed out.’

‘I know, don’t worry.’, I squeeze his hands, after which I let one go to wipe my face.

‘Come here.’, Bill whispers and pulls me into his arms.

I let him hug me tightly, while I try to calm my thoughts down. A huge part of me wants to jump up right now to go kick Mike’s ass and take my niece into safety, but something tells me it won’t be smart to do anything without police back up. From what I understand right now, Mike isn’t one to fool around with. It’s best for him to not know about my and Tom’s existence, or else he might come after us as well.

‘What the hell?’, I suddenly hear Tom behind me.

‘Bethany is not doing good right now.’, Bill starts and after that he tells Tom the whole story he just told me. It brings me to tears once again and before I know it, Tom is next to me as well, trying to comfort me.

‘Okay, I’m done.’, I state and sit back up, both the twins are kind of forced to let go of me.

‘Done with what? Hugging?’, Tom asks.

‘No, smartass not that.’, I chuckle.

‘Then what?’

‘I’m done with Mike, I’m done with letting him get away with everything. We have a pretty strong case against him you know? I don’t want to wait until he kills my niece.’

‘We do have a strong case, but for us to be working on it, we need someone who’s willing to press charges on him. If we’re the ones pressing charges, we will not be allowed to be working on it. And we are going to need witnesses, I don’t think we can get people in there to talk very easily. I mean, I don’t think Mike is working alone, so they won’t be out of danger when he’s behind bars. There’s a lot we need to think about, you know?’, Tom says.

‘He’s not alone, indeed.’, Bill confirms, ‘And no, getting my friends to make a statement against him, will not be easy.’

‘Can’t you try to convince them? Try to make them realize this is the best thing for them to do?’, I ask.

‘Is it? I mean, I can stay here and Bethany can stay with you, but what about all the others? You can’t tell me that we’ll be able to solve everything, just the three of us, for 40 people. Half of them still being teenagers with nothing left, nowhere to turn. They will never survive out on the streets. Shutting the place down without a solution for them, will be the same as killing them. I can’t be a part of that, I won’t.’, Bill states, ‘It’s my family we’re talking about here.’

‘Maybe you’re right, but either way, we can’t carry the world on our shoulders. Sometimes it’s important to focus on the ones we love.’, I reply.

‘They are the people I love!’

‘All 40?’, I raise an eyebrow at him.

‘Well, yes.’, he says firmly.

‘Bill, come on… Do you really not understand the point I’m trying to make here?’

‘I do, I understand you perfectly. I’m just trying to explain to you that you don’t understand me, which is fine, but it means I won’t cooperate, unless you find a way to save my family. Every single one of them.’

‘Tom?’, I look over to Tom, hoping to get some support from him.

‘I can see where he’s coming from, Heather, I’m sorry.’, he says.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?! Then what am I supposed to do? Wait for that piece of shit to kill my baby niece? Are you seriously telling me that right now?’, I yell right into his face.

I can see him back away a little, because he probably didn’t expect me to explode like that.

‘No, I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying we should look into this first, before we take action. If we act too quickly, it will all fall down at some point and we’ll only be making things worse.’, Tom says.

‘Right, we’re not saying that at all. Like I said, I think you should get Bethany the fuck out of there. Bring her here Wednesday night and I’ll convince her to not go back. I’ll make her go home with you, or make her stay here until she sees for herself this is the best way to go. After that, we’ll have some time to figure shit out, come up with a plan.’, Bill continues.

‘And what if Mike doesn’t allow here to come to me?’, I ask.

‘He will, he wants you to think nothing is wrong and he wouldn’t want you to suspect anything. So he will let her go Wednesday.’

‘You promise?’, I look Bill straight in the eye, ready to spot any trace of doubt in his eyes, but it’s not there.

‘I promise.’, he says.

‘Okay then…’


	12. Bethany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, guys, I'm so sorry for taking so long, but here it is finally! A brand new chapter, freshly flown out of my fingertips, just for you! Hope you enjoy and I hope to update sooner next time. Thanks for reading!

‘Sweetie, wake up.’, a soft and sweet voice whispers, as a hand gently runs through my hair. I slowly open my eyes and almost can’t believe what I see, when I see Bill sitting on the side of my bed.

‘Bill, what the hell are you doing here? You know it’s too fucking dangerous for you to be here. How the hell did you even get in?’, I scream into his face, suddenly wide awake. Does he really want to get himself killed? Well, this is the way to go.

‘Baby, relax, Nick sneaked me in and he’s making sure Mike is distracted for as long as I need him to. So here, I got you your favorite tea and a little something to help you relax.’, he smiles a goofy smile at me as he hands me the cup of tea and waves a baggy with two little white pills in front of my face. I quickly snatch them out of his hand and take them both at once.

‘Okay good and thanks, but you still haven’t answered my “what the hell are you doing here” question. So spill.’, I continue, in a much calmer voice now.

‘I just came to check on you, see how you were doing. We all worry a lot about you, Beth and we all really think it would be best for you to stop all this, before it’s going to literally kill you.’, he says.

‘I’m doing much better now, I told you that, right?’, I take another sip of my tea.

‘I know that, but you and I both learned the hard way, that it will not stay that way. When you make one false move, everything will turn right into hell again. Please, Beth, get dressed and come with me. We’ll get you out of here.’, he pleads.

Just as I want to answer him, I’m woken up by a loud bang caused by the front door of my apartment, meeting the wall next to it. This time when I open my eyes, there’s no Bill, no tea and the pain in my limbs is back in full force. It was all a dream and unfortunately, a fuming Mike walking up to me is the fucking reality. Fuck.

‘Get up, you fucking slut! You should’ve been ready to go to work by now. Get up!’, as he reaches me, he pulls me up to my feet by my hair. I scream, but my scream gets muffled by him as he punches me right into my stomach.

‘You should really stop testing me, you dumb whore, you and I both know that you know exactly where that little slut you call your friend is hiding. You should be really grateful I haven’t killed your lying ass yet. Now if you don’t get downstairs in the next fifteen minutes, I’ll come back and I will and it won’t be pretty. Do we understand each other?’, he slaps me in the face, probably just for fun. Sick ass bastard.

‘Fine, okay, I will. Please let me go.’, I beg.

He throws me back on the bed, again using his grip on my hair to force me into motion. So by the time my body hits the matrass and he let’s me go, I’m left with a throbbing headache.

‘Get dressed!’, he hisses and then leaves the room.

As tears stream down my burning cheeks, I get up and start to gather some clothes. I’m “on call” today and clearly, someone called for my services. All of me hopes it’s someone who hasn’t done this before, so there are no real expectations and it will just be a simple fuck. I don’t think I can handle much more today.

When I took the quickest of quick showers, I get myself ready and make it downstairs just in time. Mike is waiting for me in the lobby and pushes an envelope into my hands; ‘Tell John I said happy birthday and give this to him, your services are on the house today.’

I nod as relief enters my system. John is a good guy, just like Nick actually. The only difference between them is that Nick never has sex with one of us. John does, but would never force something down any of our throats and he treats us with respect. I always like it when I’m being send to him. Maybe this day isn’t so bad after all.

‘What time were you going to go see your niece again?’, Mike asks as we both leave the building to get me a taxi.

‘Six, like always. I want to be home by five to change and shower, is that alright?’, I ask back.

‘It is, if you promise me to be a good girl today and not cause me any trouble.’, he says.

‘I won’t, I promise.’, I tell him and I really mean it. Going over to see Heather, Bill and Tom once week is kind of my biggest highlight. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

‘Good.’, Mike says as he hales a cab for me and opens the back door for me to get in. When I’m inside, he tells the cab driver the address and we take off. Only ten minutes later, we arrive at John’s building, right in the middle of the buzzing heart of Manhattan. I pay the cab driver with the money Mike handed to me, together with the envelope and get out.

‘Hi beautiful, come on in.’, John says as soon as he opened the front door for me. I smile at him, give him three kisses on the cheek and then hand him the envelope.

‘Mike says happy birthday. Today you can have me for free, so we can do everything you want.’, I tell him, still with a smile on my face. He sends a warm smile back to me and guides me into the house, using a gentle grip on my lower arm.

‘Are you hungry? I got us bagels and coffee.’, he says, after which he discards the envelope on the kitchen counter unopened. Just like me, he probably already knows what’s inside it. Some sort of gift certificate for a night out for him and his wife. Yup, he’s married, but I can tell you I’m way passed the point of caring about that.

‘And cream cheese?’, I ask.

‘Sure darling, I know what you like.’, he opens a brown paper bag, also located on the kitchen counter and hands me a richly filled bagel, which immediately makes my stomach growl.

‘O my god, salmon? John, you shouldn’t have!’, I breath out and sink my teeth into the bagel. I moan and my eyes flutter shut at the amazing sensation of all this deliciousness inside my mouth.

‘You like it baby?’, when I open my eyes again, John is staring at me, grinning.

‘O, you have no idea.’, I reply, mouth already full with the next bite.

‘So, any word on Bill yet? I miss his precious face.’, he asks after we both finished our bagels and now both sip on our large cups of coffee. Which is also to die for, by the way.

‘No, unfortunately we still haven’t heard anything from him. I miss him too, I really hope he’s okay.’, I reply. I’m not stupid, I’m not going to tell John anything about Bill. He could try to convince me all he wants, that he can be trusted, but he can’t. Another difference between him and Nick. Nick does know where Bill is and the fact that Mike still doesn’t, shows Nick can be trusted.

‘Mike told me you know where he is.’, John says, ‘You can tell me babe, you know I won’t hurt him.’

I know you wouldn’t, but I do know you would run your fucking mouth and get Bill killed. So no, no information for you.

‘No, Mike strongly believes I know where he is, because he called me and I saw him once, but I don’t know where he hides. He didn’t want to tell me and for the past few weeks, I haven’t heard anything from him anymore. So I hope he didn’t get himself in trouble again.’, I tell him.

‘I hope so too. If you ever see him again, will you tell him I miss him?’, he asks.

‘Sure.’, I nod and smile.

‘Okay well, I think we’ve talked enough.’, he suddenly says and grabs my hand to place it on his rock hard erection, ‘I’ve been this hard ever since Mike called me and told me he was going to send you. Will you suck me off, baby? Suck me off real good.’

‘I thought you’d never ask.’, I quickly take my last sip of coffee and kneel down in front of him. The next two hours I spend pleasuring him in any way he wants. Just when we’re about to go for round I don’t even know, my phone rings in my purse.

‘Can I take it?’, I ask John and he nods, so I grab my phone from my purse and see Jessica is calling me, ‘Hi Jess.’

‘Hey darling, Mike told me to call you. That Bob guy called in again to specifically ask for me. Unfortunately I can’t make it, I just got in a cab to visit a very well paying client. Can you go?’, she asks.

‘I’m at John’s, Mike knows that too.’, I tell her.

‘Yeah, he told me that, but he also told me he had you for three hours now. He has to understand you got more things to do, right?’, she says.

‘So basicly this is not a question, you’re just telling me I need to go because you can’t?’, I ask.

‘I guess, but you don’t mind that, do you sweetie?’

‘Did Mike tell you how much time that guy wants?’

‘About two hours.’

‘Alright fine.’, I sigh.

‘You’re the best, love you, bye!’, she chirps and then hangs up the phone.

‘What’s wrong?’, John asks as I put my phone back in my purse with a deep sigh.

‘Nothing’s wrong, it’s just that I have to go and I really don’t want to. I wanted to stay with you.’, I pout and place my hand on his chest.

‘I really wish you could, but it might be best for you to leave. Lisa will be home in little over an hour, so then I will have time to cover up my tracks.’, he says and places his large man paw over my hand. Then he leans in and kisses me one last time, ‘Go be a good girl, alright?’

I nod and push myself up off the floor, start to gather my clothes once again. Once everything is back on my body again, John got himself dressed too. Together we walk back to the front door and he hands me two hundred dollars and a baggy with the same two pills Bill gave me in my dream.

‘Get yourself something nice when you’re done working. I’ll see you soon.’, he says and spanks my ass as I walk out of the door.

‘You sure will!’, I call back and right before the elevator doors close in front of me, I blow a kiss to him. Like I said, John is a good guy, he always takes care of us. I sure as hell will tell Bill he said hi, Bill will love that.

Back in the cab, I fix my make-up, which I have plenty of time for, since my next client lives all the way in Brooklyn. Through the busy streets of New York, it takes you pretty long to get there. I don’t really mind, gives me time to breathe too.  
When I arrive in Brooklyn and ring the doorbell at my next clients house, the door swings open pretty quick. A guy who’s like 50 appears in the doorway and starts to check me out, head to toe, without even saying hello first. Meanwhile I’m just staring at his face, he somehow looks familiar. Where have I seen this guy before? Just as I’m about to start digging my brain, the guy speaks up; ‘Come in.’

‘Sure.’, I send him a shy smile and follow him into the house, where I’m pushed up the wall as soon as the door closes behind us and his lips are on mine before I even had a chance to process what’s going on here. I quickly push him off me; ‘Sir, I…’

‘I know, you need money for kissing. Don’t worry, me and your boss already agreed on a price, so go with it.’, he interrupts me and then starts kissing me again. In my mind, I smash Mike head first into a wall. After all that he’s already taken from me, he’s going to fucking do it again. Every time he agrees on a price with a client without me involved, he charges less then I would, so just about all the money is for him. Thank god John gave me a little something.

I decide not to go against it anymore, because if I do, there sure as hell will be complaints and Mike is going to have me pay for them. For starters, he won’t let me go see my people tonight and like I said, I will not let that happen. So instead I just let the guy have me, in every nasty way he desires. My body screams for a shower as soon as we’re done. It’s four thirty by now, which means time to go home. Fucking finally.

Far quicker then with John, I jump up and get back into my clothes, while mister “clearly hardly ever washes his junk” gets into his pants and pulls his wallet out to pay me. I feel myself getting pissed off again, when I see the amount of money that’s being handed to me. 300 bucks, of which I owe 250 to Mike. Thanks a lot, jackass.

‘So, how’s my kid?’, he suddenly asks as I put on my jacket.

‘I’m sorry, your kid?’, I look up to him.

‘Yeah, I read he works with you.’, he says and then shit hits me. I’m in Brooklyn, where Bill lived before he joined us, with the guy I’ve seen on one of the few childhood photos Bill carried with him. O fuck, the smelly guy standing in front of me is Bill’s foster dad who I just had sex with. Shit, I’m going to be sick.

‘I… I have no idea who you’re referring to sir.’, I stutter.

‘Yeah you do, you should see your face. Now stop fucking looking at me like I killed your puppy and tell me how Bill is doing.’, another wave of nausea hits me when I hear him say Bill’s name. How dare he ever say that name again? He has no right to, let alone have truthful information about his “kid”.

‘He’s fine.’, I spit out, desperately trying to keep my cool.

‘Well good.’, a nasty grin is being send to me, ‘Tell him that if he ever has the guts to show his face to me again, I’ll break it.’

‘I don’t think you have to worry about him ever coming back here, sir. But sure, I will tell him.’, I tell him.

‘Thanks darling, you can go now.’, he replies.

‘My pleasure.’, I mumble through gritted teeth as I turn and walk out the front door. Outside I just start walking, looking for the first subway station I can find. I do not have the patience to wait for a free cab, I need to get the fuck out of this hellhole. Faith seems to agree with me as the train to take me back home, arrives just as I walk onto the platform.

‘Go, go, go, go, go!’, I whisper and a relieved breath leaves my lungs as a computer voice warns; ‘Stand clear of the closing doors, please.’ after which the doors are indeed closing and the train is being shot into total darkness. The lady next to me, who must have heard me whispering, is looking at me like I’m a total nut job, but I don’t really care.

God, how am I going to tell Bill about all this? Should I even tell him. Very quickly I decide I should. Bill knows me too well, so sooner or later he’s going to find out anyway and he’ll be pissed as hell when he discovers I kept it from him. But then again, how? ‘Hey Bill, something weird happened to me today. I had sex with your dad?’ No, fuck no…

All the thinking makes the thirty minute drive back to my apartment building go by really quick. So that means, I only have five minutes of fresh air to get my nerves to calm the fuck down. Since I just realized Mike might have done this on purpose, which makes me want to slap him in the face even more. Of course I sometimes wish I could get the fuck out of here, but it’s just not that easy. Bill’s story is the perfect example on why it’s not. Mike is very good at making it seem like you have a choice, but when it comes down to it, you really don’t.

Of course, to make it all better, Mike’s face is the first thing I see when I walk into the building. Alright, Beth, breath. Just breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth. You’ll be fine, just don’t punch the guy.

‘Where the hell did you just come from?’, Mike asks and walks up to me.

‘Brooklyn, you send me there. Remember?’, I can already see Mike get worked up, because he probably feels I’m being rude, so I quickly continue talking, ‘It was hell to get myself a cab there and time was starting to run out. The last guy was really nasty, so I desperately need a shower and decided to take the subway instead.’

‘You uses my money to take the subway?’, he asks.

‘No. I had some left in my purse.’, I lie. No way in hell I’m going to tell him about the two hundred bucks John gave me. He’s going to want to have that too, making up a lame story about me owing him even more money then I do and I’m not going to let that happen. Unfortunately for him, I know his ways right now.

It’s exactly why I hid John’s money in my panties and why I decided to give the entire three hundred bucks from Bill’s dad to Mike. I don’t even want to think about that money anymore, let alone keep part of it. So I decide to use it for kissing Mike’s ass.

‘Keep it. I’m good.’, I tell him as he reaches inside his pocket to give me a fifty back.

‘You sure?’, he looks up at me, actually looking surprised.

‘Yes, consider it a thank you for letting me leave tonight.’, I force myself to smile at him, which at the same time makes my stomach flip.

‘You’re welcome sugar. Now get your ass upstairs and take that shower. Good work today.’, he says and smiles back at me, making my stomach flip again. So I quickly turn and make my way upstairs, trying to erase the image of a smiling Mike out of my mind as soon as possible. It’s fucking disgusting.

As soon as I’m inside my apartment, I practically rip the clothes I’m wearing off my body. As soon as I have them off me, I throw them right into the trash. Just as I’m about to walk into the bathroom, soft knocks are heard on my door.

‘Beth? It’s me, Liam. Can I come in?’

‘Sure babe. I’m naked though.’, I warn him.

‘You know I don’t give a shit about that.’, he says as he pushes open the front door and walks in. Without even asking, he follows me into the bathroom and sits down on the toilet, as I step under the shower.

‘What’s up?’, I ask.

‘Nothing much. I just hate that you get to see Bill every week and I don’t. I miss him so much, Beth. Can’t you just take me with you sometime?’

‘No, sweetie, I can’t. You know I’d love to, but it’s too dangerous. It’s hard enough to keep Mike off my back as it is. So when he sees I’m taking you with me, he will sure as hell know where we’re going and he’ll send someone to follow us. We can’t risk that. We could get Bill killed. Now you don’t want that either, do you?’

‘Of course not, but isn’t there a way to figure something out? Can’t we ask Nick to cover for us? I don’t know, maybe he could call Mike, telling him he needs us there together. That way Mike won’t follow us and he will never know where we really went.’, Liam suggests.

‘Then what about the money? We can’t tell Mike we’re at Foxxies and then return empty handed.’

‘Sure we can. Everyone has bad nights, don’t they?’

‘Of course they do, but you don’t! That’s exactly why it would be suspicious. And when it comes to me, Mike will kill me if I return empty handed and that’s not an exaggeration. It’s too dangerous babe, I’m sorry.’, I tell Liam and I mean it.  
For Liam, things have been running smoothly ever since he got here. Everywhere he goes, people want him and just like Bill during his first years, people want him bad and are willing to pay shitloads of money for it. He knows how things are when times are bad, but he hasn’t experienced it himself yet, so naturally he sees less danger in his actions. But it’s just not how shit works for me, and because Liam isn’t in my position himself, he doesn’t always seems to understand that.

‘You know what, love?’, I ask, looking at his pouty face.

‘What?’, he looks up.

‘Don’t get your hopes up too high, but I will talk about this to Bill alright? Maybe together with his brother and my niece, we can figure out a way. Maybe I can get them to give us money, to make it look like we went working. But don’t hold me to it, since all I can do is try, okay?’

‘Will you?’, his whole face beams up.

‘I will, but only if you promise me to keep your mouth shut to the others about this. I can’t take them all to Bill. I’m just doing this for you, do you understand? Don’t give me a reason not to trust you, because if you do that now, you will get us all in great danger.’, I warn him.

‘I won’t. I won’t say anything. Thank you so much Beth.’, he seriously looks like he’s about to cry.

‘But for now, you need to get the fuck out, because I’m about to wash places you don’t want to see.’, I chuckle, which turns into full blown laughter, when I see Liam’s grossed out face. He is gay as hell, so having sex with woman has the same effect on him as Bill’s dad had on me. He does it, but it makes him want to puke his guts out.

‘Yeah, okay. I’ll go.’, he mumbles, after which he gets up and comes over to give me a kiss, ‘I’ll see you tonight.’

I nod and as soon as Liam left the bathroom, I start to wash myself thoroughly. Every inch of my body that has been touched today, inside and out is getting cleaned. It makes me feel lots and lots better, by the time I’m done showering. As soon as I dried myself, I get into some everyday clothes and start to gather my stuff. Kissing Mike’s ass was clearly a good move, because he has a cab ready for me, as soon as I arrive downstairs. He even pays for it, score!

When I arrive at Tom’s apartment building, I can already see Heather’s car parked in front of it. I grin to myself as I get out of the cab. My niece so has a crush on Mr. Trumper, but up till now, she’s still denying it. Fine, but I’m not buying it. I know how much time she spends here. She hasn’t been sleeping here yet, but that’s about all she does at her own place. Poor cat.

I get myself upstairs as fast as I can and Tom is already at the door when I get to his apartment. We give each other a hug and he lets me in. I walk into the apartment where Heather and Bill are on the couch, smoking and chatting. As soon as they see me, Heather jumps off the couch and comes running for me. When she hugs me, she squeezes the life out of me.

‘Yeah, yeah. I’m happy to see you too.’, I tap the back of her head and chuckle. My other arm is wound around her shoulders.

She ignored my teasing, like most of the time and looks up to me: ‘Do you want something? Coffee?’

‘Isn’t it Tom’s job to ask me that?’, I grin.

‘I’m not an idiot, I understand how coffee makers work.’, she sighs, ‘So, do you want coffee or not? Something else?’

‘Yeah, I’d like some coffee, but I’ll grab some myself in a minute. I need to talk to Bill first.’, I reply.

‘Me? Why?’, Bill’s attention is caught, ‘Did something happen?’

‘I missed you, that’s what. Now, come with me please.’, I stretch my hand out to him and he takes it. After a brief hug, he follows me to the balcony.

‘Want one?’, he asks, offering me a cigarette. Clearly tune down the smoking hasn’t appeared on his list yet.

‘No, thanks. I just brushed my teeth.’, I reply.

‘But you just told Heather you were going to have coffee. Isn’t that even worse then smoking after you brushed your teeth?’, he raises his eyebrow.

‘Yeah, you’re probably right, so maybe no coffee after all.’

He nods and after he lit his cigarette, he asks: ‘So what did you want to talk to me about? I missed you too, but we don’t need privacy to tell each other that, right? Or did I miss something?’

‘No, you’re right. There are some things I wanted to talk to you about. Something did happen this afternoon and I’m not sure how to tell you, but I feel like I should. I… I met your foster dad…’, I blurt out.

‘You met him? How the hell did you meet him?’

‘Put two and two together, genius, how do I meet people?’, I look at him and now it’s my turn to raise an eyebrow. But soon I’m forced to soften my facial expression, as I see things coming down on him.

‘You… you had sex with him.’, it’s not even a question.

‘Yes, sweetie and I’m so fucking sorry and disgusted. But you know there’s no way I can tell Mike no at this point and he send me over. And you have to believe me, I didn’t realize who he was until he asked me about you. If I would have recognized him right away, I would risk getting in to trouble and run, you have to b…’, he interrupts me by raising a hand.

‘It’s okay.’, he murmurs.

‘No, it’s not.’

‘It’s okay, Beth!’, he repeats, raising is voice a little this time, ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘I know that, but…’, the interrupting hand comes back up again.

‘I don’t want to talk or think about that man for one more second in my life. He is the reason all this shit happened to me, he and that cunt of a wife of his. Those people ruined me and never gave me one fucking fair chance, ever! They are not worth even a fucking second of my time, so can we please stop talking about this? I’m not mad at you, I promise, okay?’, he blurts out, hands shaking like leaves in the wind.

‘Okay.’, is all I say.

‘How’s everyone?’, he asks after a deep drag of his cigarette, probably meant to calm himself down a little. Together with switching the subject.

‘Good, they miss you like hell.’, I tell him.

‘I miss them too. Can you please tell them that?’

‘I do, every day.’

‘Good.’, he smiles.

‘Even John misses you, called you his precious face.’, I say, when I suddenly remember my morning with John.

‘Awh, he did? I miss him so much too. Always had so much fun with that guy, in more ways then one to be exact.’, he grins, ‘God, I miss having sex.’

‘Still no luck in getting Tom’s best friend out of his jeans?’, I ask.

‘Nah, all though he’s single now. So, who knows, maybe soon. If he figures out all the things he can do to me and all the things I’m willing to do to him, there’s no way in hell he’ll say no, right?’

‘He won’t if he’s a smart guy.’

Bill chuckles next to me and when he threw his cigarette bud over the edge of the balcony, he pulls me into a hug again. A longer and tighter one this time.

‘Girl, I love you.’, he whispers.

‘I love you too.’


End file.
